Page 55 of For Your Heart
“Want to talk?” he asks. “Tell me what happened yesterday?”
I wince and shake my head.
“Were you upset with me?” he asks.
“No,” I say. “I thought I did something wrong because you wouldn’t look at me.” Fucking hell. Now I sound just as desperate as I feel. And childish. I’m a teenager all over again. I’m that scared gay kid whose mother hates him for being gay, so she assigns him a girlfriend so no one knows about the shameful family secret.
Damon sighs and perches himself on his arm to look down at me. “I thought that’s why you were upset when I saw you run out,” he says quietly. “I promise you, my mood had nothing to do with you at all.”
I nod, but it doesn’t change how tight my chest feels. He stares at me for a long time and I wonder if that’s why he asked me to dinner. Is it an apology? Did he feel bad for being distant? Like, pity? Is he just taking pity on me?
“Sage,” he murmurs, his lips brushing mine again. “Your mind always goes to the worst-case scenario, doesn’t it?”
I groan, and not in a sexy way. “Sorry. I guess…”
“That’s how you’re used to being treated,” he answers when I don’t, and I nod. “I’m sorry. I…” He licks his lips. “After I left here the other night, my brother and I talked. We… I don’t really know what we even agreed on, but Simon finally answered a text. He came over. We talked and he stayed the night. He’s been answering our texts again. He comes over again. So… yeah, I’m a little all over the place after that conversation.”
My heart plummets. It’s good he reconciled with his best friend. It is. But no matter how much I insist that it’s good, I still feel like I’m going to be thrown away.He’s in love with someone else.There’s no room for me in that. What am I doing falling for a man in love with someone else?
“There you go again,” he says quietly, his fingers brushing over my lips. “You look like I just slapped you.”
“Sorry,” I say, my voice choked.
“Sage, he’s got a boyfriend. Remember the part where I said it was unrequited bullshit?” he asks.
I nod. I really, really understand that. Because I’m pretty sure I’m living that life right now.
“He’s keeping his boyfriend,” Damon says, closing his eyes. “He wants to make a life with him. And us.” His laugh is bitter and his face turns to a grimace. “I hate that man with every fiber of my being, but if I let anyone other than my brother know that, I lose Simon. How do you play nice with someone you hate more than you need to breathe?”
“Maybe that’s not the right question,” I say, and his eyes meet mine. “Maybe you need to ask what it’s worth to you to keep the man you love in your life?”
Damon nods. “Yes. We play nice. We support him and beniceto the asshat professor.”
“Is he really that bad?”
He sighs in exasperation. “I need you to be fully on my side, Sage. Yes, he’s awful. Commiserate with me.”
“Awful man,” I say, shaking my head. “Disgusting. He’s so horrible.”
Damon laughs and presses his face to mine. “Thanks. And no, I don’t think he is a bad guy. I so desperately want him to be, so my hatred is justified.”
“Damon?”
“Mm?”
“Why are you here with me?” I ask, my heart in my throat. Both because I actually fucking asked that and because Iactually fucking asked it!
He takes a deep breath and brushes a soft kiss to my jaw, following it until his lips are at my ear. I shiver when his breath ghosts my skin. “Because I like you, and I enjoy the time we spend together. Sex or not. Is that okay?”
There are so many other questions I need to ask, but thankfully, they get stuck in my throat while I nod. Yeah. It’s more than okay.
Eighteen
DAMON
We still watchSaturday morning cartoons. Why when we were about to turn fourteen? Because why not? It’s something we’ve done for so long, it just became routine. Like your favorite shirt you can’t stand to get rid of even though it’s threadbare and basically transparent at this point.
There’s comfort and familiarity in it.
