Page 62 of For Your Heart
River nods. “She’s claimed the right of first refusal for babysitting,” they say with a smile.
“Hmph,” I answer. “We’ll see. Maybe until he’s potty trained.”
Jordan chuckles. “You’re afraid of diapers now, but wait until you have one of your own. It’s very different.”
I’m not convinced and yet, when I look down at Sparrow, I know Jordan is right. If I had my own child, of my own making, with the man I loved more than anything, everything would be very different.
But one thing I know for sure; I’ll have to move far away and never give my mother the address. She will never have access to my child.
Not that I think she’d want to, because as far as she’s concerned, being gay is blasphemy. She’d die if I married a man, never mind have a child with him.
I’m not at all picturing myself in Damon’s arms while we’re looking down at a little boy who is a mix of the two of us. Obviously, I know that’s not real. If for no other reason than we can’t have a child that mixes my genes with his. Science hasn’t advanced that far yet.
“Your parents?” I ask, trying to push the thoughts away.
“After getting over being offended that we wouldn’t let them come over until Sparrow was a month old, they’ve decided we’re forgiven since they’re absolutely in love with their grandson.”
I grin at them smugly. I was the only one they’d let come over after they brought Sparrow home. I got to meet him when he was only six days old. And no, I didn’t just show up on their doorstep. I’m not that kind of person. I waited until I was invited.
“Don’t tell them that,” Jordan says, as if he knows why I’m grinning smugly. “We really don’t need to hear their complaining.”
I mime zipping my lips and tossing a key over my shoulder. But I can’t stop the way I bounce on my heels with the warmth that spreads through me, knowing that they chose me to come over first. They introduced their son to me first! It’s one of the best feelings and one of my most precious memories to date.
“What about you? Has your mother backed off?” Jordan asks.
“When you called from work the other day, you mentioned Sammy,” River says.
I sigh. I’m surprised they’d heard anything with the way I blathered to them. And also surprised that they haven’t asked until now. So I give them a brief overview of what happened. Sammy showing up at work and the things she said. How mad I was.
We don’t rehash Damon. That had been the point of my call. It’s already been discussed.
“I really think you need to consider a restraining order,” River says. Jordan nods in agreement.
“She’s not hurting me,” I say. “She’s not actually attacking me.”
“She’s harassing you,” River says. “Which is just as much an attack as anything physical.”
“River’s right. She went to your place of employment, Sage. In no way is that acceptable behavior,” Jordan says. “You work there. That’s your livelihood. If your boss wasn’t cool, he could have reprimanded you for your personal life interfering with work. For her behavior and how it looked to the patrons there.”
I suck in a breath. Obviously I hadn’t thought of that. “Oh,” I say, swallowing the new lump in my throat.
“Maybe you ought to consider one against your mother too,” River says gently.
They know about my mother. They know everything. I needed to tell someone about how miserable I was and they were the unlucky party that had it all dumped at their feet in a moment of weakness.
While it was really shitty of me to put my burden on them, I’m so incredibly thankful for their support and love over the years. There’s been no one else to talk to about it. Not until they convinced me to get a therapist.
I’m not sure what state I’d currently be in if I hadn’t broken down and told them all the details of my miserable life.
“I just ignore her calls,” I say. Since the morning she told me I needed someone to talk my gay out of me, I haven’t taken her phone calls. I’ve gotten very careful about looking at the caller ID before answering now. “I can block her number.”
“And if she shows up at your door?” Jordan asks.
It’s not like she wouldn’t do that. She would. She has. Not in a while, but she has. The sour feeling in my stomach returns and I look around for something to distract me. I don’t want to think about my mother right now. Or Sammy.
“How’s it going with Damon?” River asks, probably sensing my distress and changing the subject.
I sigh and try to fight the smile. “I… haven’t said the things I need to,” I admit, but add quickly, “but I have said some things. I asked why he was coming over and we weren’t having sex. He said he likes me and wants to spend time with me.”
