Page 67 of For Your Heart
Sage is the first time I’m doing something on my own. Without Declan. I feel his absence the entire time and it… fucking sucks. Yet, though he’s not there physically, I know he’s there in my head. I know he feels, sees, hears everything. He’s there.
When I told Sage that my life was complicated, I didn’t mean in a traditionally complicated sense. I have very strangely shaped baggage. But truthfully, I don’t really think Sage can accept this the way Stommer has.
I glance at the man in question. He’s sitting on the chair perpendicular to where the three of us are tangled together on the couch. There’s zero tension. His expression is open and unbothered. Fuck, even when he looks our way—at Simon—there’s a fond, affectionate smile on his stupid face.
What kind of man can accept this about their boyfriend?
Maybe that only makes this ache all the more. I don’t think Sage is going to be like Stommer. I don’t think he’s going to be able to sit there and justseeit. It’s going to hurt him. So if I plan to keep Sage, my option is to keep the two lives separate completely.
And I don’t want to do that. Jesus fuck, I don’t want to do that.
I’d be more than just frustrated if I didn’t feel my brother going through the same war I am. He likes this guy. Zarek. He likes him like I like Sage.
We haven’t told Simon. Hell, we haven’t even told each other. There’s been no conversation. Nothing. We just know, because how can we not?
Then there’s the weird elephant in the room. This borderline taboo relationship with Declan. How will Sage acceptthat?
“They have to, or this is going nowhere with either of them.”
His words sting. I feel that echo inside him, as well.
“You two are really tense tonight,” Simon says.
It’s only been a few weeks since we’ve had our reconciliation. This is the second time Stommer has been here with him. Which also means it’s the second time I’d rather be anywhere other than here. And take Simon with us, of course.
My irrational hate for that man is consuming. I can play nice. Especially if I don’t look directly at him for too long. If he doesn’t speak a lot. Neither happens, so that’s fortunate.
“Sorry,” Declan says when I still don’t pull myself from my thoughts.
Simon sighs and sits up, so he’s looking down at me. Declan is strewn over his back and his eyes stare down too.
Yeah, thanks for letting me be the one he stares at.
Declan smirks.
“What’s wrong?” Simon asks.
“It’s a secret,” I say and then wince. That was low.
Simon frowns; the hurt on his face makes my chest ache so I pull him down and kiss him. “I’m sorry. That was shitty.”
“Yeah, it was,” he says.
“I love you. The only one I love as much is Declan. You’re everything. You know that, right?”
He frowns still, staring at me. I can feel the tension start in his hands that are plastered to my chest to keep him at a distance where I’m not blurred because we’re too close.
I’m crossing more lines. I feel it. It’s a train wreck.
“It also feels like a lie.”
Shut up.
“I love you too,” Simon says hesitantly.
“I just mean, this is all our own. This is between the three of us. Always. Right?”
There’s no answer as he continues to stare at me, but eventually, he nods. “Right. Just as what’s between Quin and I is just between the two of us.”
