Page 77 of For Your Heart
“Anything at all.”
“You and Declan.”
“Yes.”I nod Declan’s agreement.
“I know you well enough to know that your immediate reaction is going to think that Quin is an asshole and forces shit on me and whatever. You’re convinced that he stole me and you can’t see past that.” Picking up his head, he gives me a bemused expression, even as I try to look innocent, like that’s not the case anymore. “I promise you, though I’m going to suck at explaining everything about me, it’s not at all what you think. I just don’t know how to put it into words. So I need you to promise that you’re not going to go off the deep end and immediately freak out, ready to hurt Quin before I have a chance to tell you in clear details. Promise?”
“I promise.” Though his explanation makes my skin crawl. I justknowI’m going to hate him all the more. I can feel it.
“Declan?”
“I promise. I hate him already.”
I don’t repeat the last part. I just nod my brother’s agreement.
Simon takes a deep breath. “I’m going to tell you the thing that I feel most comfortable with, though I don’t understand it any more than other parts. It’s just more comfortable, I guess.”
I nod and Simon goes back to running his fingers across my face. “It turns out that I’m pretty submissive. I fall into subspace pretty easily.”
My eyes go wide, but Simon doesn’t look at me. Everything in me races and tenses, ready to jump out of my skin that Stommer made him become this. Made him submit. Made him—
“There you go,” he says, and I force myself to look into his face. He’s watching me, frowning. “Doing just what you promised not to do.”
Taking a deep breath, I try to force it all down. “Sorry.”
The left side of his mouth quirks up a little. “We’ve been doing some reading about submissive behavior, and I’ve exhibited it my entire life. Especially since my mom died. I’ve always been completely fine letting you make my decisions for me. From the little things like what I’m going to wear and what I eat. To the biggest things like where we went to college. I want you to take care of me. I always have and I’ve always let you. It’s something I always want you to do. I like when you spoil me and make me feel loved and wanted. While I’ve always kind of thought that this piece of me is due to my mother’s death, I think it’s just a part of my personality. I’m a submissive person by default. Idon’t wantto decide anything. Not what we watch on television. The games we play. Hell, I don’t even want to decide how we cuddle. I like those decisions made for me.”
His words trail off as he watches my expression. My mind races. Races side by side with my brother’s; and as our lives streak behind my eyes, I feel like a fucking idiot.
“Fuck,” I mutter, closing my eyes and laying my head back. I’d like to be able to say that if Simon had ever told us he didn’t like sex, we’d have mentioned asexuality. He didn’t tell us, so it’s easy to say that we overlooked that. We kind of just assumed he wasn’t always horny because he was straight and constantly pressed against men, which wouldn’t have any effect on him.
But Jesus motherfucking Christ, there’s no goddamn way we should have missed this. Simon’s absolutely right. He’s displayed his submissive nature his entire fucking life. Right in front of us! With us. Towards us.
Hell, he’s basically said as much without saying it since he didn’t know that it had a name.
“We don’t know him at all. How fucking blind and stupid can we be? How self-absorbed are we?”
It makes me sick. We’ve done Simon wrong for years. For so fucking long.
“It feels weird knowing this about myself,” he says quietly. “It’s even stranger when I fall into subspace. I didn’t know that’s what it’s called. Quin didn’t realize at first either. I just call it my cozy place. Somewhere I feel safe and warm and just… happy. Nothing can touch me there. I know Quin is with me and won’t let anything happen to me. Even when I’m there, deep inside myself, I can feel him and hear him and know that I’m safe. I’m loved.”
I take a breath. “He’s a Dom?”
Simon smirks. “Not really, although what we read suggests that maybe he’s a soft Dom. He focuses on pleasure and care as opposed to discipline and obedience. Which is good because we’ve determined that I’d turn into a brat if he gave me rules.”
His smile beams at me as he teases. The glint in his eyes tells me that those moments are important to him. And he’s sharing them with me. With us.
“I’m glad he takes care of you,” I say, though I think I’m talking through my teeth. “Though I’m going to really suck at keeping my voice even, please know that I mean this.” Simon gives me a bemused smile, but nods. “I can’t stop myself from blaming him for taking you away, even thoughI knowit’s not his fault. I know he tried to stop it from happening. Several times. He basically begged us to get our heads out of our asses, but we were so angry, so desperate and furious, that we couldn’t get beyond it.”
“He begged you?” Simon asks, his brows knitting on his forehead.
“He never told you?” I ask.
Simon shakes his head.
“He barged in here one day when mom was here and yelled at us,” I tell him, smiling with amusement at the look of shock on his face. “Obviously, we didn’t listen.”
He snorts. “Obviously.”
