Page 96 of For Your Heart
He didn’t talk for a minute, as if he were seeing everything. Maybe reliving it. My stomach churned for a very different reason this time.
“Depression is bad at any age, but for a ten-year-old, it looks very wrong. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t have the strength or will to do it. My mother died, leaving me with a man who didn’t love me enough to take care of me. The way that fucked with my head, even then, while not understanding how it made me feel, left a lasting impression.”
He glances my way and gives me a bemused smile. After a deep breath, he says, “We were always close, but that’s when a lot of our behaviors that the world deems inappropriate started. When I tell you I was lifeless, I really mean that. Declan and Damon kept me clean. They kept me dressed and made sure I ate. Wrapped me between them and hugged me while I cried. They pet me and loved me and made sure I knew I wasn’t alone. That they’d never leave me alone. They’d never let me hurt alone.”
His voice is surprisingly steady, even if sad. I’m filled with enough emotion for him. I was always called a sensitive soul because I feel a great deal for someone who suffers. What Simon is describing would be difficult for an adult; I can’t imagine a little kid going through this. And then two more little kids trying to make him feel better.
“Anyway,” he says after a pause, “even as I started to… I’m not going to call it healing because I don’t think I ever did that. But as I started to move past that crippling depression, we never grew out of that closeness. I needed to feel their affection. I needed to know that they were there, that someone was there, and that they loved me enough not to leave me. Not by using alcohol and not from death. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I never actually dealt with anything difficult. Declan and Damon have always protected me. Surrounded me with themselves so I never had to face anything on my own. I was too young to understand what I was doing and while I went to grief counseling at the school, it didn’t last long since I wanted no part of it. I wanted my twins becausetheymade everything better.”
He meets my eyes with an amused smile. “What really happened is that I used their friendship and grew dependent on them to feel for me while I shoved anything hard, anything difficult and challenging, deep inside me and threw away the key. You have no idea the havoc that’s created in my life now. But my point in telling you this is that, while I won’t lie to you and tell you it’s all innocent because they’re two horny gay men who love me deeply, I am telling you that the things you’re worrying about aren’t anything you need to worry about because thisjust isour relationship.”
“They’re in love with you,” I say, my voice hoarse, both from the emotion of his story and because of the truth in those words. “They want a future with you.”
Simon grins. “Yeah, I know. And we’ll have that.” His words sting but he reaches for my hand and I let him take it. “But he wants one with you too, Sage.”
My breath catches as I look at Damon. He doesn’t say anything but smiles.
Simon sighs. “Do you know how many hookups I’ve met?”
I cringe and shake my head. I’m not sure I want to know.
“None,” he says, surprising me. He grins at the look I give him. “Exactly zero. I’ve been with them to the club nearly every single time they go. I’ve seen, never mind met, no one. Do you know what that means?”
Looking between the twins, I say, “That they lie about their hookups?”
Simon laughs. Declan snorts. Damon pinches me and I laugh too.
“No. It means that he wants to keep you. It’s one thing to introduce you to Declan because they usually hook up together. I don’t think you really grasp the mountain you scaled to have reached the point where Damon brought you home to me.” He squeezes my hand and I think I feel it around my heart. “Damon loves exactly three people. And they’re right here in this room, Sage.”
I pull in a shaky breath and look at Damon.
“There’s no competition for his love. None. He loves me as much as he does Declan. And he loves you as much as he loves us. It’s all a little different, but the twins don’t do anything by halves. Damon loves you and he’s going to keep you. I’m so fucking happy you’re here, Sage. I can’t tell you how much that means.”
I’m still staring at Damon when Simon eventually lets go of my hand. “You want to keep me?” I ask, voice shaking.
He frames my face with his hands. “It’s not a matter of want, Najee. Iamkeeping you. I will never let you go again.”
“And… what kind of future do you see now?”
His eyes don’t leave mine. “One where we’re all together. My husband. The father of my children. We’ll find a way to get there, Najee.”
Simon snickers. “I can’t believe you call him that as a term of endearment.”
“What does it mean?” I ask, looking at him.
Simon smirks. “It means you’re a really cool guy. Awesome.” I grin and start to look at Damon with doe eyes until Simon adds, “It also means you have a really big dick.”
My face heats stupidly fast and I cover it with my hands. “No, it doesn’t. Please tell me it doesn’t.”
Damon laughs and pulls me to him. “It does. You are an amazing guy. The fucking best. Your cock is a masterpiece that I will never get tired of choking on.”
I almost swallow my tongue. “Stop. Ohmygosh, stop.”
“You’re so fucking adorable,” he murmurs, pulling me to him and covering me with his arms.
For a minute, we’re quiet as my cheeks stop burning. The television murmurs. Simon stands and pulls me up. “Come on. Let’s get cake.”
Following him to the kitchen, I glance at the guys, seeing Declan move closer to Damon again, cuddling back into his brother’s arms. It breaks my heart to see him like that. So despondent. Heartbroken.
