Page 52 of Baby for My Silver Fox CEO

He needs to leave before I do something I shouldn’t.

“What was she upset about, anyway? She’s not married to you anymore, so she shouldn’t get upset at anything.”

“She’s just looking to cause drama, anything to make sure I don’t get what I want,” Joel shrugs. “She’s been doing that for a long time now. It’s nothing new.”

I’m exhausted by all the mind games. “She does tend to do it with me a lot. I remember when she came into the office.”

“As much as I hate to admit it, Caitlin is good at noticing the subtle things. And she senses that there’s something between us, which she obviously doesn’t want to happen.”

I don’t know if I like where this is heading. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

“There’s a reason I don’t have long-term relationships anymore. Caitlin gets there first and ruins it. That’s why I only keep it to simple dates or when I need a woman on my arm.” Joel grimaces. “It sounds callous, but I don’t open myself to anyone because I know Caitlin will make sure I’m not moving on after I divorced her.”

“She’s upset you divorced her so she ruins potential relationships?” I’ve heard of people who do that, but I didn’t think I’d encounter it. “How is that meant to work between us? We’re not dating.”

Joel hesitates, and that gives me goosebumps. I can sense he’s going to tell me something I’m not ready for. He shoves his hands into his pockets.

“We may not be dating, but I do like you, and not as a personal assistant, if you know what I mean. Caitlin knows that. I’ve never said anything, but she knows me better than I thought.”

I don’t know what to say to that. This is the first time Joel has said this to me.

“I know it’s not good for our professional relationship,” Joel goes on, “but I do like you. If there was a chance something else could happen, I wouldn’t turn it down. However, I respect your decision on what should happen, and as much as I want more, I will leave it alone if you say so.”

“You… you like me?” I squeak. I cough and try again. “Are you saying this because we slept together?”

“No. This started long before Martha’s Vineyard,” Joel gives me a sheepish smile. “People think I’m confident when it comes to admitting things, but when it comes to you it’s completely different. Mostly because I don’t want to lose you in my life. I think I could cope with you being my PA and my girlfriend, and you’re good at compartmentalizing. However, I’m not about to push you on anything. It’s up to you what you want. Whatever you decide, I’ll respect your decision. Just as long as you don’t leave me… because that would probably crush me.”

This is too much for me to take in. The words are bouncing around inside my skull, and it’s making my head hurt. And with Joel watching me, expecting an answer…

It’s too much to take in all at once. Having this sprung on me after everything we’ve done feels like a dream. It doesn’t feel real. Part of me wants to say yes to whatever he’s offering, but the sensible part of me is holding me back. My palms are feeling sweaty, and I wipe them on the back of my jeans.

“Can I think about it?”

Okay, that soundssostupid.

Something falters in Joel’s expression. “That sounds like you’re preparing me for a no.”

“I should be saying no, shouldn’t I? Have you forgotten what our connection to each other is?”

“I haven’t,” he shakes his head slowly. “And I’m beginning to hate it when you’re pulling away from me.”

I know I am, and I can’t help it. Natalie is right that I have feelings for Joel but having him as my boss has given me a perfect excuse to put him in the unattainable box. Now he was willingly making himself attainable, and I feel like I’m panicking.

Finally, Joel sighs.

“Okay. I’ll let you think about it.” Then he cups my head and kisses me. “Just don’t take too long. You know I get impatient.”

I don’t know what to say to that. His kiss has left me speechless and wanting more. But instead of giving him and reaching for him, I watch him as he walks away, leaving the building and heading toward his car.

And it doesn’t make me feel any better.

***

Joel

Sleeping is next to impossible. I spend most of the night just staring at the ceiling. I keep wondering what Megan is doing right now, and if she would receive a call from me. But I stop myself just as I’m looking for her number. I should leave her alone. She says she will think about what I suggested, after all. I need to respect that.

I’ve had to tip us into dangerous territory by suggesting that we enter a relationship that is, by all accounts, not ideal. She does work for me, and I am old enough to be her father. That should be enough to stop us completely. And yet I desire her more than I’ve desired anyone else, including my ex-wife. All those forbidden reasons mean nothing to when Megan is around me.

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