Page 36 of Lacey's Fight

Instead of asking why, she allowed him to lead her out of the library and through the grand foyer. They were intercepted before they reached the stairs.

“Can I take it everything is acceptable?” Amelia Kutcher asked, nodding at the catalog Lacey still held.

“Oh, more than acceptable,” Lacey gushed. Ben had no idea how she did it, but there was no trace of the desolation and terror that had been rolling off her in waves. If he didn’t know better, he would absolutely believe that she was here to purchase several young girls she was then going to prostitute out.

“I had a report that you looked, how shall we say … troubled,” Amelia said, confirming their suspicions that the cameras were being monitored around the clock.

Lacey dipped her gaze as though embarrassed. “It’s just so overwhelming. I didn’t even know I needed this in my life until our … encounter … with a young girl six months ago. I didn’t realize the allure of youth. To know that I’m this close—” she held up her thumb and forefinger a couple of millimeters apart “—to fulfilling my dream. I just … there aren’t words to describe it. I might have gotten a little emotional.” She gave a self-deprecating shrug, and the tension melted off Amelia.

Reaching out, she placed a comforting hand on Lacey’s forearm. “I understand that. This is a big step, and it’s exciting to see a dream come to fruition. I take it you were able to find several potential purchases?”

“Several,” Lacey echoed. “In fact, we were just going upstairs to celebrate. Isn’t that right, darling?”

Ben grunted, and both Lacey and Amelia chuckled.

“A man of few words I see, but I’m sure he knows how to use that mouth.” Amelia shot him a flirty smile, and he grunted again, uncomfortable with this line of conversation.

To him, sex wasn’t something fun, something to enjoy, it was a reminder of his loss. Of what he had let happen.

Mistakes like the one he’d made with Lacey last night couldn’t happen again. He didn’t deserve pleasure. Didn’t want it. Which was why he had to make Lacey understand why there was no point in her being interested in him for sex. When it came to her, he felt weak like he would give in if given half a chance. If he was going to resist her, he was going to need her help.

What better way to do that than to let her know what he’d done.

“You’d be surprised just how talented he is,” Lacey gushed, leaning into him.

“Well, I’ll let you two head on up to your room. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. Happy and satisfied customers is what I strive for,” Amelia said.

“I think you will have two very happy customers tonight,” Lacey said.

Amelia headed toward her office, and Ben resumed guiding Lacey up the stairs and to their room. Once he had the door closed and locked behind them Lacey sagged against his side.

“I hate doing that, pretending this is all okay when it’s not. It makes me feel so dirty. Filthy.” A shudder rippled through her, and he tightened his hold on her out of instinct.

Since he wasn’t sure what she wanted him to say—what she needed from him—he said nothing, and a moment later, Lacey straightened and took a step away. Slipping off her heels, she went to the bed and sat on it, propping herself against the headboard the way he had last night. For a full minute she looked at him, studying him, seeking an answer to something.

Eventually, she asked, “Why are we up here, Ben?”

How did he explain?

These weren’t words he’d ever really spoken.

The people in his life knew what had happened, knew he couldn’t talk about it, and never asked him to. But Lacey deserved to know. They were partners, and he knew about her past. She was completely naked before him and that left her vulnerable. He wanted to try to give her that same vulnerability, but it wasn’t easy.

In fact, it was one of the hardest things he’d ever done.

If he didn’t feel like he owed it to her, there was no way he’d do it.

“There are some things about me you should know.”

Lacey shook her head. “I only need to know what you want me to know. It’s pretty obvious that whatever you think you have to tell me isn’t something you want to share.”

Actually, she was wrong.

As hard as this was, he wouldn’t do it if he didn’t feel he should, and as much as he didn’t want to, he also kind of … did.

Maybe he needed the reassurance that he had no right to even think of pleasure or anything good in his life after what he’d done, and showing Lacey who he really was would achieve that. She was the first woman he’d felt anything for other than his wife, and he needed to keep her emotionally distant while he couldn’t keep her physically distant.

“I killed my wife, Lacey.”

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