Page 66 of Lacey's Fight

“The SEAL? Rabbit? The one who saved you in the storm and went on this mission with you?” Opal asked.

Lacey nodded. “I like Ben. In a way I haven’t liked any other man I’ve ever met.”

“So?” Ivory prompted when she didn’t continue.

“He doesn’t like me back.” It hurt to say that out loud, but it was the truth. To be honest, she wasn’t even angry about it, he’d already been in love once and was far from over his wife’s murder. She was definitely angry about the way he’d treated her though.

When he’d woken up in the hospital, she’d been so relieved that he was going to be okay. Despite assurances from the surgeon who had removed the bullet and stitched him up that he was going to make a fast and full recovery, she hadn’t believed it until Ben had opened his eyes.

She had been fully prepared to be completely honest about why she had sex and thought she could keep it meaningless, and the feelings she was developing for him.

But then he’d been so cold, so dismissive. Lacey understood him being afraid to let anyone in after losing his wife the way he had, but that didn’t excuse him from being a jerk to her. He hadn’t even let her get a word in.

“I’m sorry, that sucks.” Opal placed a hand on Lacey’s knee and squeezed.

“Yeah, it does. He’s the first man to ever make me feel anything at all other than attraction and desire, although he definitely makes me feel both,” she added with a tired smile. “He has issues, and most of the time I’m not even sure he likes me, but there’s something in him that calls out to a part of me. Was that how it was for you guys?” she asked Ivory and Pearl.

“Jesse and I hated each other at first,” Pearl said, her eyes going soft the way they always did when she spoke of her new husband. “But even when I hated him, I can’t deny that there was some invisible force pulling me toward him.”

“Roman didn’t like me at first either, I think he thought I was crazy and irresponsible. He definitely didn’t want to fall in love, but when it happens it happens. Maybe Ben isn’t the right guy for you, but that doesn’t mean that the right guy isn’t out there somewhere,” Ivory said.

“I never even considered the idea of getting married, but now … I don’t know. Maybe I want that in my future.”

“It’s okay not to know what you want,” Opal reminded her. “Or to change your mind on what you want.”

“Before I decide I have some … things … issues I guess … to work out.”

“That what you wanted to talk about?” Pearl asked.

Lacey nodded. “I’ve never told anyone this, I was too ashamed.”

“You know we will never judge you,” Ivory vowed.

“We are in this together,” Opal added.

“Always,” Pearl agreed. “Even though I’m married now, and Ivory is engaged, it doesn’t change the fact that we’re sisters and for so long all each other had.”

“DNA doesn’t join us together but blood does. The blood we all shed in that hellhole,” Opal said. “Nothing you can say will ever make us think less of you.”

Taking a huge leap of faith, Lacey made the admission she had been going to give Ben in that hospital room. “When The Master used to rape us I would orgasm.”

“Oh, sweetie, you know that doesn’t mean you liked what he was doing, right?” Opal asked, pulling her into a hug.

“Monster that he is, I bet he took advantage of that,” Ivory seethed.

“He did,” Lacey said, voice muffled since her face was tucked against Opal’s shoulder. “Boy did he ever.”

Grabbing her shoulders, Pearl pulled her out of Opal’s embrace. “You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing. Damn, I would love nothing more than to rip that man to pieces with my bare hands.”

“Stand in line,” Ivory grumbled. “I know we all want a piece of him.”

“There are no words to describe his level of evil,” Lacey said softly. “He used to tell me I was lying when I said I didn’t want him to touch me, that my body and its reaction to him spoke the truth. But I didn’t want him. I hated it. I felt so betrayed by my own body.” She needed her sisters to believe her because in her darkest moments it was a struggle to believe what she knew to be true. That she hated every single touch he gave her and the pleasure it brought was no pleasure at all.

“Of course you didn’t want him,” Ivory said like believing anything else was insanity.

“That’s why I like sex so much,” she continued, may as well get everything out in the open. “I get to control not just who touches me but how I feel about it. I didn’t want anyone ever making me orgasm again without my permission, so I used sex as a way to hide from my fears. Not just sex but a smile too. When you’re smiling no one ever asks if you’re okay, so you don’t have to tell them the truth. That you feel like you’re drowning in your insecurities and secret fears, that you feel dirty inside and out, that your life feels like it’s so black there isn’t enough color in the world to cover it all up.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Opal said again, pulling her in for another hug.

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