Page 67 of Lacey's Fight

“I’m going to get the snacks ready because I think we all have a lot to talk about,” Pearl said, heading for the table where everything had been dumped.

“We should have done this a long time ago,” Ivory agreed.

“We should have, but it’s not too late. I don’t think it’s ever too late to change the course of your life.” Lacey prayed that was true because she had realized she wasn’t happy with the direction her life had been going and was more than ready for a change.

* * *

August 13th

5:25 P.M.

Ben had vowed he would never come back here.

He had always believed there was nothing to be gained by stepping foot inside the house he had once shared with his wife.

Now he knew he had been wrong.

For three years, he had done nothing but hide behind a wall of guilt because it made dealing with the grief that much easier. When all you did was focus on the blame you heaped on your own shoulders, you didn’t have to feel that cutting pain that came with knowing the woman you loved was gone and you would never get to see her again.

Young love was something sweet and special. There was an innocence to it that disappeared as you got older. As deeply as Ben knew he had loved his wife, he also knew that had he met her now, he wouldn’t have given her a second glance.

Jemima would always occupy a huge part of his heart, nothing would change the fact that she had been his first love, or that they would have spent the rest of their lives together had she not been killed.

They would have been happy too.

This house would have a baby in it by now, maybe even another one on the way. There would be toys strewn about, a cutely decorated nursery, and a swing set in the backyard. There would likely also be a stack of dishes in the sink, a pile of clean laundry yet to be put away, and leftovers in the fridge. Jemima would have been a great mother, made their child the center of their lives, and put him or her first above everything including household chores. He would have helped out when he was home, but there would have been long stretches of time when Jemima would have all but been a single mother to their child.

What would it be like to have a baby with Lacey?

The child would be a tornado of energy, of that he was certain. The sassiest little sunflower that would ever exist. Or maybe a charming little boy with dimples who knew just how to get what he wanted. Juggling both of their demanding jobs would be difficult, they both had unpredictable hours, and could be gone for days, weeks, or sometimes even months at a time. He had no idea how they would make it work or …

Why was he thinking about it?

Lacey wasn’t his and after the way he’d treated her, he doubted she would give him the time of day if he turned up on her doorstep.

Not that he would deserve any attention from her given how he’d pushed—no not push, he’d violently shoved—her away from him when he woke up in the hospital.

A couple of long days sitting alone in a hospital bed gave him plenty of time to think.

About the past and the future.

About what he wanted.

About Jemima’s murder and the things Lacey had said to him about it.

Everyone in his life had already told him all those same things, that it wasn’t his fault, that there was nothing he could have done to prevent it from happening, that just because he had forgotten to take out the trash didn’t make it his fault. But somehow hearing them from Lacey made them sound different. Perhaps because she had no personal investment in him. She wasn’t his mom or dad, one of his sisters, or a member of his team.

She was just a woman he’d recently met, and she had no reason to lie to him.

So …

Maybe it wasn’t his fault.

Or at least not all his fault.

Which meant maybe there was a chance that he could move forward. Find happiness. Jemima had been a sweet woman with a big heart, and he believed she would want him to find a way to fall in love again, share his life with someone. He’d want the same for her. If he hadn’t made it home from one of his missions, he would have wanted her to get back out there and fall in love again. He wouldn’t want her to be alone and grieving him forever. He would have known it wasn’t that she didn’t love him anymore, or that she wouldn’t miss him every day of her life.

If he would have wanted Jemima not to be lonely and she would have wanted the same for him, then maybe he wasn’t doing anything wrong feeling something for Lacey Smith.

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