Page 14 of Cougar

While Birdie hasn’t told anyone the truth about my son’s biological father, I know I can trust him. I know Prez will also lay it all out for me, truthfully. He loved Marley like she was his own. I know that he still loves her. He now has Carley and Kelsey, and I know he loves them. Plus, if anyone should know the truth about my son, it’s be him. I refuse to go to the ring for not keeping him in the loop.

“Church is done, Cougar. You can fuck off now.” Cowboy growls as he walks by me. I know I’ve pissed him off, but I need to get this out of my head before I overthink it to death.

“Prez, can I talk to you?”

“If you’re asking for the cliff notes for the meeting you missed because your head was in the clouds, you can fuck right off and talk to someone else.” Prez and the executives have been on edge a lot more lately. The fact I noticed means it’s something big they aren’t sharing with the class just yet.

“No, it’s, uh, it’s a bit more personal. Can we talk in your office?”

“I’m not telling Butcher you want to marry his daughter. You made that bed. You lay in it.” Prez says as we walk into the room, and I close the door behind me.

“No. I got Butcher. We have an understanding…I think,” I clear my throat. “No, this is something that can’t leave this room. AJ doesn’t want her parents to know, but if I’m being honest, Prez, I think you should know.”

“Fuck, I don’t want to deal with more infighting Cougar.” Cowboy slams his hand on his desk, “I like you, but I will not save you from Butcher.”

I get that he’s got some shit going on. We all do. Everyone is on edge with The Company and waiting for Connard to retaliate. It’s a cluster-fuck of epic proportions, but this shit needs to stop. I may end up in the ring for this, but fuck it. I’m trying to do the right thing.

“Okay, Prez. With all due respect, shut up. I need to get this out before I pussy out.” Cowboy leans forward, eyeing me, and says nothing. I take it as permission and let the word vomit flow. “I met AJ right after she came into town. We hit it off right away. I wanted everything with her. I still do. It was the night you kept calling me for the drop for Artem. So I called our night short, and I didn’t see her after that because fate’s a bitch.

“Two months later, I walked into work and discovered the new guy James, is my woman AJ. She had told me the night I met her that if I was supposed to have her, fate would bring her into my life again. That moment, right there in the garage, I claimed her. I didn’t know who she was. Butcher wasn’t happy, if you remember.

“After the shit show with her father, she took me back to her place, where later she told me she was pregnant.”

“You can’t make a baby that quickly.” Cowboy states, eyeing me with skepticism. It only takes a moment before I see the light bulb go off. “The kid isn’t yours.”

“That kid is mine.” I growl, “That is my kid.” I say again, to make my point. I take a deep breath, attempting to calm down. “But, no, I didn’t knock her up. She found out the day Sever called her home to be close to Butcher. She told me that same day she quit her job and came here. She was here about thirty hours after Sever called her. But whatever,” I wave my hand dismissively, “I don’t care about that. AJ is mine, so that kid is mine.”

“Are we going to have a crazy baby daddy showing up? We really don’t need another neon light shining on us with the feds in town.” Cowboy starts rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“No. Where she was living, no one knew a thing about her. They didn’t know where she was from or who her family is. Her boss is the only one that knows she’s pregnant but swears to secrecy. The father has no clue. Everyone thinks she left. We’re in the clear when it comes to the sperm donor. I’m telling you all of this because I am scared.”

“Kids are a big change, and you guys are young. It’s normal to be scared.” There is actual empathy in his voice.

“It’s not that. I am excited for my boy to get here. I’m scared that if AJ and I decide to have more kids later, will I treat them differently than my boy?” I slump in the chair across from him.

“Yes,” Cowboy tells me simply. My eyes are on him, pleading with him to elaborate. “Of course, you will treat them differently because they are different kids.”

“What I mean is—” I start, and he quickly cuts me off.

“Do you want them to be treated and loved differently because one is biologically yours and the other isn’t?”

“God no. They are all my kids—biology be damned.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about. If you weren’t worried about that, I would be concerned. You are going to be okay. What matters is that you love them. You’re not going to love one more than the other. You will love them with everything you have. You will love your kids more than AJ.” I scoff, and he laughs. “It’s true. Bri and I have had this talk. If it’s between the kids or me, she’s choosing the kids. It’s the same for me. It will not matter who’s DNA is running in their veins. Your love isn’t conditional. All you need to do is make sure that your kids know you love them and that you will always be there for them. Because, as you said, biology be damned.” Cowboy finishes. He gives me another smile and effectively puts my mind at ease when he spouts my words back at me.

“You don’t know how much I needed this, Prez.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Parenting isn’t easy, but you’re already on the right track. You’re already showing your concern for your son. A bad parent wouldn’t give a single fuck about what’s currently on your mind. But maybe see how you do with one first, before you plan a soccer team,” he winks at me and I smile.

After leaving his office, I decide to find AJ. I feel lighter, and the only thing that will make this better is telling her how much I love her.

Seven

Aletta

I’m four months and some change pregnant, I think, and I haven’t had sex in the same amount of time. I’ve wanted John since the night I met him, but fate had other plans for us. In the time we’ve been together, I still haven’t had him the way I want. I’m going crazy with desire. My hand and my vibrator can only give me so much—it doesn’t matter that I found an amazing site to subscribe to.

I don’t want them. I want John. So. Fucking. Bad.

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