Page 16 of Cougar

“You can’t hurt the baby! The baby will be fine. He’s all snuggled in there, living his best, incubating life, while his mom is about to murder someone.” I’m fuming. I can’t believe this is my life right now. All this passion I have for John has turned into this red, lit-on-fire anger.

“AJ, please. Hear me out.”

“John, there is nothing to hear out. Do me a favor. Get the fuck out. You didn’t have to tell me I’m sexy. You could have simply said you’re not attracted to me. I’ve been taking care of myself, and I can continue to do so.”

“Fuck that! The only one that should be taking care of you is me.”

“Yet, here I am, not being taken care of!” I hold my arms out in a sweeping motion.

Who would have thought our first fight would be over if he’s going to dick me down or not? Is this seriously a thing couples fight over? Fuck, I hate this. My mind is going a million miles an hour, thinking of everything we could say or do. I’m ready to pull the guilt cards out. I’m ready to cry and do nothing. I’m just…ready.

“I’m doing everything I can to take care of you and our son. What do you mean—”

“—Yes, you are. But that isn’t what I’m fucking talking about, John. I need you. I need you to finger fuck me, eat me out, fuck me into the mattress. I need to scream your name as I come. I need to be railed. God, I need you to wreck me.”

“But, the baby.” he says timidly.

“Oh, my fucking god. Stop using the baby as an excuse.”

“It’s not an excuse, it’s a legitimate concern.”

“You know what?” I stop and walk over, grabbing my phone off the end table. It doesn’t take me long before I move back to him, pushing my phone in his face, “Here. Educate yourself.”

He takes the phone, and as he reads, I head to my room. I grab my toys and put them away. I’m too worked up to even enjoy them. I know it’s also because I don’t want toys. I want him. Fuck him and his fears. No. That’s not true. His concerns I get them. To an extent. But right now, I’m pissed, so fuck him.

I want to. Fuck, I want to.

He’s so damn sexy. He isn’t hard like other guys are. He has definition, but he’s soft. Which is what I like. I enjoy cuddling with a softer man, not a brick, like Willie. If I wasn’t so crazy about John, and Willie so crazy about Ashlynn, I’d go for him. The other guys, I’ve seen them all without shirts on. They’re all appealing in their own ways, but for me, no one holds a candle to John. I want to explore his body, and I want him to explore mine. I want to feel every inch of his skin on mine.

After putting the toys away, I plop down on the bed. This isn’t how I thought this would go. I thought we would be starting round two by now. I didn’t think I’d be sitting in my bed alone while my man reads about how sex while pregnant is a good thing.

Footsteps sound, and when I look up, he’s standing in the doorway. He doesn’t have to say anything; his face is speaking for him. It doesn’t matter what he’s read. His answer is still no. Something inside me clicks. It’s like this switch that’s never been flipped before is finally having its moment. I feel different. It feels as if this dark entity is taking over me, releasing some type of toxin that calms me.

“You haven’t changed your mind?” I ask, and he nods his head. “Hmm, I see. Well, this just won’t do.” I get up and walk toward him. Placing my hand on his chest, I look into his eyes, and when his breath catches, I smile. “You can either take care of me the way I need, or I’ll let my dad know that you aren’t doing the one thing you said you would. Take care of me.”

His eyes bulge out of his head, “Would you really do that?” he asks, and I hear the panic in his voice. I swear, his body is also shaking under my palm. This snaps me back, flipping that switch back into the off position.

That was really fucking weird.

I close my eyes and shake my head. When I open them again, I see pain on his face and immediately start crying. No matter how much I tell myself to stop, I can’t. “No. No, I wouldn’t do that. I…fuck! I want you so damn bad it’s driving me crazy! My thoughts keep going back and forth between, you’re scared, or you’re not attracted to me.”

He grips my shoulders, holding me still, “Look at me. I wanted to fuck you the minute I saw you. After the swings, I wanted to take you behind the bar that night, and had every intention of doing so, until I got called away. That desire for you has never gone away.”

“Then why? Why am I begging and resorting to manipulating you to get my way?”

“At least you realize you were doing it.”

“I’m sorry for that. I’m just that fucking desperate.”

“What can I do?”

I look into his eyes, and he wipes the tears from my face. I know attempting to manipulate him is wrong. I’m honestly pissed at myself for doing it. It’s like I didn’t have control over myself. I know it isn’t something I can do again. It’s something I shouldn’t do again. I blame this pregnancy and the psycho that it’s turning me into.

“I need you to try. Please. I will tell you if it hurts. You read the article. You can’t hit the baby.”

He tilts my face up and kisses me. His hands sink into my hair, and I moan into his mouth. His hands travel to where his shirt is buttoned on me, and he rips it apart.

“Lay back and spread your legs, Birdie. It’s about time I make you sing.”

---