Page 31 of Cougar

“I can handle my dad.”

“It’s not him you have to worry about.” Gears mumbles as he passes me and leads the way out to where my dad’s pigs are kept.

Oh no.

***

“Hey, Daddy! Daddy! Where are you?” I run through the house, trying to find my dad. He’s been having a hard time lately, and after talking with Mom, I figured out how to help. When I found it, I begged my mom. I told her, ‘I know this will help. Please.’ She was reluctant at first, but she gave in.

My gift is waiting outside with Mom. I wanted to bring it into the house, but she put her foot down and said absolutely not. Party pooper.

“Dad!” I shout as I open the door to my brother’s room.

I find him here a lot. For a while, we would all take turns sitting in here. When it was my turn, I would talk to him and ask him how he was feeling now. If he’s feeling better, and if he’s watching over us. Other times, I would cry for what I’m missing out on. I don’t do it as much now, and neither does my mom. Daddy, though, he’s here a lot. I know it isn’t healthy, and he needs something to bring his smile back. He’s been so different since Bennett died.

I’m about to change that.

“Here you are.” He looks up at me, and he smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes, but I’ll take it. “I got you something. I need you to come with me.”

“Maybe later, baby girl.”

“Nope,” I tell him as I grab his hands and pull his gigantic butt off Bennett’s bed. “You’re not getting out of this. I worked really hard on convincing Mom this is what’s best. You’re going to come see it now.”

He laughs. He actually laughs as he shakes his head at me. “Well, if you convinced your momma out of something she didn’t want, how can I say no?”

“You can’t,” I sing in victory.

We walk back through the house, and I lead him to the front door. I turn around to face him, “You have to close your eyes.” He does as I ask, and I grab his hand. I turn back to the door and use my other to open it. Once we’re outside, I walk him through the baby gate portion of the little pen we bought. Making sure he knows there’s a small step he has to clear. Once he does, I have him sit on the ground. “Don’t open your eyes yet!”

“I’m not!”

Closing the gate, I rush to face him. I nod to Momma, who puts the piglet down. “Okay, open them.”

At first, Daddy looks at both of us, and his face is nothing but confusion. But then, the piglet snorts, and my dad morphs. Gone is the pain. In its place is pure joy. He’s radiant. My father isn’t one to hide his emotions. He lets them out when he needs to and now is no different. Tears stream down his face as he gathers the piglet in his arms. He’s giving it kisses and speaking intangible baby talk, but he’s happy.

This is what he needed.

I look at my mom, and she sighs, “Yeah, yeah.”

“I should have bet you.”

“I just dies at you. Oh, me nerves, you got me drove!”

I laugh at my mom as she gives me a hug, and we watch the life come back to my dad’s eyes.

“Thank you, baby girl. Thank you.”

I gave my daddy that piglet almost ten years ago, and now, she’s dead. She’s lying in a pile with her brothers and sisters. All of them are dead. Tears stream down my face as I watch my father break. He’d put himself back together after I gave him that piglet. It didn’t take any time at all before we had more.

My mother wasn’t happy at first, but when she saw the change in her husband, she stopped telling him to stop buying pigs. One of them is even from her. She gave him to my dad for his birthday one year.

How are they all gone?

I feel arms wrap around me from behind, and I turn to face John. I cry into his shoulder. My father continues to scream and cry. Guttural noises leave him, and each one breaks me more than the last.

“I’m sorry, Birdie,” he whispers against my head.

I nod, and turn back to my dad. All of his brothers are standing around, unsure of what to do. Sever attempted to calm him down, but judging by his already bruising face and the fact he’s down on his ass, it didn’t go well.

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