Page 60 of Cougar

“John,” I say, but it’s muffled from the mask. He approaches the bed, the opposite side of my father, grabbing my hands.

“It’s okay, Birdie. You’re okay,” he tells me as he rubs my head.

I shake my head and look at him, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. You deserve—”

“—You. I deserve you. You and our son,” he leans forward and kisses my head. When he removes his lips, he leans his forehead on mine and holds the position. He doesn’t move until the nurse starts speaking again.

“Alright, sweetie,” the nurses voice catches me off guard as she enters my room again. “The baby is looking beautiful, but you, you need to rest more. You shouldn’t have spiked like that. The doctor has ordered we give you some meds to help you sleep and get your vitals under control. I’m sorry, honey, but you’re not going home until tomorrow.”

She finishes as she connects a syringe to my IV. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Rest, Birdie. Everyone is still here. I’ll be here when you wake up. I love you.”

“I love you too,” I tell him and then turn toward my dad. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“Anything for you, Lettie.”

I smile and close my eyes. I’m starting to drift, but before I pass out, I still hear it—John having a moment with my dad.

“I tried to come in earlier, but you two were talking, and it seemed like you needed that.”

“I did, thank you.”

“I just want to say I hope I love my kids as much as you love AJ because you do, Butcher, and she’s better for it.”

I feel the tear slide down my face as I slide into darkness, knowing John sees the good in my dad, the same as I do.

Twenty Six

Cougar

Comfortable silence spreads between Butcher and me as we watch AJ sleep. I think back to when I came back to her room earlier and caught them in the middle of their conversation. I had overheard a few parts of their talk, but I didn’t want to intrude on the moment between them. What was clear from the few minutes I listened by the door, Butcher loves his daughter. He would do anything he had to, to keep her safe. I respect the hell out of a man that puts the needs of his child above his own. Butcher has had a terrible go at life, but his daughter is his world. I meant what I said. I can only hope to love my children the way he loves AJ.

Leaning back in my chair, I watch Butcher closely. I try and take in everything that makes him the father he is. Yes, he’s a scary son of a bitch, but he’s a lot more than that. I got to see it—even if he doesn’t know I did. It’s amazing to watch him and how he holds her hand and tries not to fret over her.

I’m not sure how long we sit here before his phone chimes. He ignores it and continues to watch his sleeping baby girl as if she’s going to fade away on him. I don’t say anything regarding checking the message. I know he needs to be here with her as much as she needs him here. I’m not going to attempt to kick him out or make him think he has to go, because his phone is ringing. Well, that is until mine starts to go off in my pocket. Pulling it out, I see a message from Gears.

Gears: Need you and the pig farmer to come down to the waiting area. Abilene is on her way up to Aletta.

Me: I can tell him to head down but he wont leave her. Honestly I dont wanna leave her.

Gears: Prez is callin church.

Gears: Here

Gears: In the hospital

Me: No shit? Ok I will talk to the big man.

Putting my phone back in my pocket, I take a deep breath and compose myself for telling Butcher it’s time to leave his daughter. I know he loves this club, and we’re family, but his little girl is sleeping in a hospital bed after being in an accident. He isn’t going to go easily.

“Butcher, Cowboy is calling church,” I mumble to him.

Something flashes in his eyes the moment they meet mine. The demons that reside inside of him are pissed at the thought of leaving his daughter. I understand; I don’t want to leave her, either. But if Cowboy is calling church here, there has to be a very good fucking reason. Because of this, I make the first move.

Standing up, I lean over AJ and kiss her forehead. I lean down to her ear, “I’ll be back, Birdie. I love you.” I give her one more kiss on her cheek and then move down to the gorgeous bump that protects my son. Placing my hands on her stomach, I kiss her bump and tell him I love him as well. His responding kick tells me he hears me and he loves me too.

I pull myself away from my son and my Ol’ Lady and make eye contact again with Butcher. Knowing he might not come, I take the chance and turn toward the door. I’m out the door and stand a few steps down from it and start counting. Once I hit thirty, he’s walking out the door. He grunts at me and walks right past me to the elevators. When they open, Abilene is stepping off. They exchange a quick hug and quiet words a few paces away as I wait inside the elevator, holding the doors. It’s not long before Butcher is in with me, and I press the button for the needed floor.

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