Page 76 of Cougar

“I know, Mom. The baby and I are fine. I’m not upset. I’m just ready to see him.”

What I’d told her was the truth. I’m not mad he wasn’t here. I just have this intense urge to be near him. I want to hold him while I tell him how much I love him. Those feelings only become stronger as we walk into Storm’s room.

A stream of people continuously come and go. People I have seen around town and people I have seen coming in and out of the shop. Emotions are high as I sit here holding his hand for a moment. I’m trying to put everything into words—how much I want to thank him. I don’t know how long we sit here, but I’m starting to feel tired and need to go rest at home. Mom’s been talking to Storm, allowing me to think about what I want to say. As I fight the need to sleep, I finally find the words. I stand up and push back his hair from his forehead.

“I know we didn’t get the chance to get as close as everyone else, but I’m going to miss you. You were an enigma at work and didn’t take shit from anyone. Thank you for letting me come in and work with you and your team. But most of all, thank you for being a friend to my dad. He’s a strong man, but he has a lot of demons. You didn’t let those demons scare you. You embraced him for everything he is and didn’t question it. I’m forever grateful for the friendship you gave him. Sleep now, Storm. I’ll make sure he’s okay.”

I lean down and give him a quick kiss on the forehead and turn to head out. I hear my mom’s sniffles before she follows me out. “That was really sweet, Ducky.”

“It’s true, Mom. He was a great friend to Dad, and I am sad I didn’t get more time with him.”

We talk more about Storm as we walk to the car. Once inside, I let her know to take me home, which of course, turned into a fight. She keeps trying to talk me into going home with her, but I want to be in my house, waiting for my man, because he is going to need me.

“You don’t think this is hard on your father?” She asks me, trying to guilt me into coming home with her.

“It is going to be hard on him. But he has you, and John has me. If I didn’t have John, I would go with you, but my priority is him. Just like yours is Dad. We’ll make plans to get together once everything starts to settle. But for tonight, Mom, I need to go home.” She pouts but takes me home. Playing to my mother’s weakness, I remind her that Judge and Elvira might need some extra help which seems to change her worry from me to them.

All the emotion from saying goodbye and leaving the hospital woke me up a little bit. I’m now in the weird I’m tired but not tired enough state. I choose to watch TV to attempt to settle my mind, but I also want to lie down. I look at my options of a small phone in bed or blankets and bigger TV in the living room and opt for that. I turn on a cheesy Western and make a small nest.

The sudden silence of the TV causes me to open my eyes. I don’t know when I dozed off, but it doesn’t feel as if it’s been very long. I watch as John puts down the remote and takes off his hat. He hasn’t noticed I’m awake as he runs his hands over his face. He looks entirely run down.

Sitting up, I whisper, “Hey,” and hold my hand out.

“Hey,” John whispers back, taking my hand as I gently tug him down to the couch. I pull the blankets back and burrow into his side after he sits beside me. After a few moments in the quiet, he speaks, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up and were released.”

I lift his arm and wrap it around me and rest my head on his shoulder. I pull his free arm, causing him to turn toward me. I join our hands, and together we cradle our son. Our son is safe, warm, and happy in his custom-made waterbed.

“There isn’t anything you need to apologize for. At the very least, the last forty-eight hours have been insane. So much has happened, which, frankly, I don’t want to think about. Life is about to change even more than it already has. But something I learned by growing up in this life, and the bit of life we’ve had so far, is if you aren’t there, it’s not because you don’t want to be. It’s because you can’t. I also know it’s for a damn good reason. Cowboy wouldn’t keep you away from me simply because he feels like it. I believe that.” I look from our hands to his exhausted, red-rimmed eyes.

“Cowboy is a lot of things, but he wouldn’t keep any of us from our spouses without merit. I wanted to be with you. I hate that I wasn’t,” he tells me as he nuzzles his face into my neck.

“I told you to go. We’re fine.” I reassure him as he sucks lightly on my neck. I let out a soft gasp which causes him to pull back.

“Fuck,” he starts before letting out a deep breath, “I’m so tired of all this shit. This club has been through hell and back, and I just…” he looks at me, “I’m just so fucking tired of it all.”

I place my hand on his face, “What do you need from me?” I ask him. I wish I could take everything away from him and make it all better, but I don’t even know where to start. There’s a reason why club business is just that, and whatever is happening, it’s enough to break him down. It’s always bound to happen within the MC world, but seeing it firsthand on someone who belongs to me, it hits differently.

“Honestly, Birdie, I don’t know if I need to eat, sleep, or fuck.”

Despite the incredibly horrific timing, my body surges with pleasure when he mentions fucking. “Well, we have no food in the house, and,” I look to the clock, “it’s too early to sleep without completely fucking up your schedule. Looks like the only logical option is fucking.”

I sit up and throw my leg over his lap before he can say anything in response. I grab each side of his face and bring my lips to his. I kiss him with everything I have. I try to tell him I’m here for him and to let me help him forget, if only for a little while. His response isn’t the one I want, though.

“No, Birdie. I don’t know if I can.”

I pull back and look at him, trying to really examine his face. “John, you need something. This is what I can give you. This is how I can help you.” I look him in the eyes before I kiss him lightly. “Everything hurts, I know that. I do. But for a moment, I think you need to forget the world. Forget everything that’s happened to you, to the club, and just be here with me. Let me help you. We can figure out the next step after.”

He closes his eyes and nods before his lips connect with mine. The passion I feel ignites my entire body. One of his hands wraps around the bottom of my back while the other sinks into my hair. His fingers grip the strands, and he pulls, causing delicious tension. I moan into his mouth as we continue to caress each other.

His hands grip my ass, and he shifts us so he can stand. My man may not be as buff as some of his brothers, but he’s strong as hell. He walks us to our room, and my legs unwrap from his waist once we’re at the foot of our bed. He steps back and opens the button of his blue plaid shirt. Once his shirt is open, he removes his shoes and then his socks. I wish I had a camera. His chest on display and his jeans sitting low on his hips, giving me a peak at his briefs, is so incredibly erotic. The littlest things with him turn me on in the biggest ways. Before I know what I’m doing, I tell him to stop and not move a muscle. I get up and head to the living room. I find what I need and come back. When he sees what I grabbed, he chuckles softly and places his hat on his head. I grab my phone, and open the camera and snap a picture.

“God damn, John. You’re so sexy.”

“I’m positive that’s my line about you,” he tells me, grabbing his hat.

“If you take that hat off, I will dick punch you,” I tell him sternly. He laughs and finishes getting undressed. Never in my life did I think I would see anything better than what’s currently in front of me. “Oh, my god. I need you.”

I don’t wait for him to undress me. I yank my shirt and bra off and work like a mad woman to get out of my bottoms. Once naked, I sit on the bed, ready for him to do whatever he wants to me.

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