Page 79 of Cougar

Ken laughs at me and tells me to yell at my mom and El. “Those two were the crazy ones that shot it down, not me.”

I laugh for a moment at the audacity of my mom and Elvira. It doesn’t last long, though. My thoughts almost immediately go back to the issue at hand. “That’s amazing, but still, I can’t help but feel like this is taking away from him. I’m sitting here, trying to have a party while people should be remembering him. I’m trying, I am, even more so now after what you’ve said, but it’s a guilt I can’t shake.”

My tears are flowing again and I wipe my face. Judge gets up and comes and sits right next to me. He takes one of my hands into his and gives it a squeeze, before dropping it and bringing his hand up to rub the side of my face. I naturally lean into it. The warmth feels nice, but the instant comfort it gives is soothing.

“You aren’t taking anything away from him, or us, by enjoying a party meant for you. Aletta, you’re important here, too. Keep in mind what I said before. A party like this lets us take a break from being sad. Celebrating the family we still have is something we need to do more often. We all love you and your son. Being able to celebrate a new baby in the time of tragedy, it helps us find our way to our new normal.” Tears shine in Ken’s eyes, but he’s quick to blink them away. “You’re important to this family. You matter. I promise, if it was too soon we wouldn’t have done this. Okay?”

I cry more because of course I do as I nod in agreement. “I’m trying to be okay with it. I feel like I’m still the new guy around here, you know? I left. I was gone. I shouldn’t have been welcomed back the way I was. Now, I’m taking more from you guys, more I don’t deserve.”

“Hey, sweet girl, none of that. You’re family. I bet if you went out there, people would be smiling. People might be a little sad, sure, but then they’ll mention something stupid Theo did and laugh all over again. We have to accept that for a little while, our new normal is happiness and sadness all woven into one. But then, we’re going to do nothing but smile all the time again.

“For now, lets go celebrate that. Plus, I’d like to see who is going to try and match Theo’s energy at this party. Something tells me Ashlynn is ready to take the throne.” Ken stands and holds his hand out to me to help me up.

“I don’t know, Willie seems to be ready.” I tell him as he pulls me up.

“Fuck. They’re probably going to work together,” he laughs as he wraps his good arm around me and I him. I didn’t know it, but I needed this hug.

“Birdie?” I hear John’s voice after a few moments. “What’s going on?”

I pull apart from Ken and turn and see John on the other side of the table. Worry is etched on his face. He looks from me to Ken and I can tell he’s thinking Ken said something to make me upset.

“I’m fine. I was having a moment and Ken came and talked me through it.” I wave my hand dismissively.

“It’s all good son. It’s a rough time for us all and someone over here was worried she was taking all of Theo’s attention away. I explained it’s not the case and was reminding her she’s loved by everyone here.” Ken explains, placing a fatherly kiss on the crown of my head before pulling away and walking me to my man.

“I don’t think anyone could over shadow that mans personality,” John says with a chuckle.

“But Turd and Willie are going to try.”

“Damn. My vote was for Ashlynn,” Ken states as we all laugh and make our way back to the party.

Once I’m back in the room, I look around to see if I can find what Ken was talking about. What I see makes my heart soar. People are laughing, hugging, and from what I can hear, talking about how excited they are for the new baby. It’s true, there are a couple of sad faces, but they don’t stay like that long. I hear Theo’s name a couple times followed by belly laughs.

Maybe keeping the baby shower today was a good idea after all.

I feel a bit lighter seeing how genuinely happy everyone is. My mind starts to calm and seeing everyone continue to simply be, regardless of the past few weeks, really helps. I decide right here and now to put my fears behind me and embrace what this day means. I make my rounds and talk to everyone. Heading over to Bri, I watch as she tries to wash Carley’s face.

Once I’m close enough, I can hear her talking to her daughter, “I don’t know how you managed to smash a cupcake all over your face and in your hair.”

“It wasn’t me, Mom. I ran into someone and smooshed it.” Carley tells her innocently.

I hear Bri chuckle before she gives up and tells her daughter to go have fun with her cousins.

“You enjoy that baby phase,” she tells me when she sees me, “because before you know it, they talk back and fight you.” Bri tells me exasperated.

I can’t help but chuckle, “Yeah, but you love every moment of it. I’m sure I will too,” I joke and bump my shoulder into hers.

“You say that now,” she mumbles, then more sternly says, “I want to say yes, but the sass…. Somedays I wish they came with mute buttons,” She giggles while taking a sip of her mimosa.

“Ugh, I’m so jealous of you right now.” I mumble looking down at my ginger ale.

Bri laughs and places her glass down, “You’ll be done before you know it and I’ll show up at the hospital with whatever drink you want.”

“Did we just become best friends?” I ask laughing. My mouth salivating at the thought of drinking a cold beer.

“Sorry, that place has been taken,” Ashlynn calls out, while making her way over to us. She’s also dragging poor Willie behind her. Though his eyes light up when he sees the mini meat ball sliders Mama made. “I am the bestest of the best friends and sorry, I do not share that title.” I’ve always liked Ashlynn, but this snarky attitude is different. I think she thinks I’m really trying to take her friend away from her. Is she sick?

“Ash, calm yourself. I promised her liquor after the baby is here.” Bri laughs and shakes her head at her friends antics. At least Bri knows how to handle this possessive side of Ashlynn. I know the Ashlynn that doesn’t give two shits about anything, says what she feels and loves everyone around her.

---