Page 82 of Cougar

“Mallory,” I whisper, and she gives me the well, it’s true look.

“No, she’s right,” Manda cuts in. “She and her son left. You know Dad was going to propose to her? He wanted us to be a family. I considered her a mom. She left and I didn’t say goodbye to her or her son. When I realized they were gone, it made everything worse. It’s still making everything worse.”

She puts her head down, and we all look at each other, unsure of what to do or say. I reach over and rub her back, “Depression makes people do funny things sometimes. We can’t control how people react. I think losing your dad was just as hard on Natasha, but she didn’t know how to process it. The difference is you’ve realized what you need, and you’re telling us. She just left. But, we have to accept she did what’s best for her and her son, no matter how much it hurts.” I don’t know if I’ve said the right thing or not, but I also hope El heard it too. We need to let Manda do what is best for her. This move, it’s what’s best.

“Sometimes, getting away and starting over is the only thing you can do for your sanity. From what I’ve learned by being here, she’s going to another family member. From what I’ve heard about him, she’s going to be okay. They both are.” Mallory chimes in, and we all look at her. “It’s why I chose to stay with you, Elvira. I knew it’s what would be best for me right now. From the sounds of it, this is what’s best for Manda.”

Elvira smiles at Mallory before she turns her attention to Manda, holding her hand out. Manda takes Elvira’s outstretched hand, “I know this is what you need. I’m just being selfish because I love you so much. But if you really think going out and staying with Roxie is what you need, I’ll make sure you get there.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to come visit.”

“Oh, if Dizz knows what’s good for him, I’ll already have my own room.” El winks at Manda.

I can’t help myself, and I will blame every bit of this on the extra hormones going on here, but I get up and pull Manda into a hug. That triggers her into crying, which sets me off. I can hear Elvira put down Teddy and make her way around the table to us. The three of us are wrapped up in a goodbye hug, tears and all.

“What’s going on, Birdie?” John’s panicked voice comes from the other end of the kitchen.

I sniffle and pull back from the two women who continue the embrace. Looking I see a worried John and an equally concerned Judge, or Ken, I don’t know what to call him anymore. I slowly make my way over to them. I hold my hand out for John, who takes it without hesitation, and I lead him over to the table. Ken scoops up Teddy and falls into step behind us.

“Papa,” Manda says with a watery smile.

Ken hands Teddy to John and wraps up the two women in a hug. He doesn’t know what’s going on, but the look on his face says he doesn’t care what the issue is. He wants to make whatever it is better. Cause that’s what he does. No matter his pain, he is the head of this family, and it’s what he is wired to do. Fix everything he can.

“So, what’s going on?” John whispers to me.

“Manda and Teddy are packing up and getting the hell outta dodge,” Mallory says, finishing her juice before going upstairs.

“Fucking kid,” I murmur because she dropped a bomb and doesn’t wait to see the chaos bound to follow.

“What?” Ken pulls back and looks down at Manda, one of the last links he has to his best friend.

“Papa, breathe. Please. You can’t tell me you don’t feel him or see him in every part of this house? This ranch? Hell, even in town.” Manda starts.

“Oh, Mama said a bad word.” Teddy whispers. John and I try like hell to hide our snickering smiles.

“I do feel him here. That’s why I want to be here. To be close to him, to remember the impact he had on this town, on every life he touched. Including yours,” Ken said. His voice is hard, but I’m not sure if it was to keep his emotions in check or something else.

“I can’t be surrounded by him like you can. I can’t see that and not wish I had him longer than I did,” Manda wipes her tears. “You all saved me and gave me a family. Gave me a father I didn’t know I had. But I can’t stay here. I need to start over.”

I watch Ken struggle to find what to say as he looks from Manda to Elvira. His mouth opens and closes. I feel like we’re intruding on a moment we shouldn’t be, but we have her kid, so it seems only right to stay. Right?

“Manda is struggling because of the family Theo was trying to build with her. They were going to become a family with Natasha and Billy. But with Natasha leaving, that’s fallen apart. She wants to gain some control.” Elvira starts to explain, gently petting down Manda’s hair. “She has been very mature about this and waited almost two months before making this decision. But she isn’t leaving our family completely.”

“That’s right. I just need to start over, but I need my support system. I have that. In Heart with Roxie.” Manda finishes. She looks at Ken with pleading eyes. Pleading for him to understand why she is doing this.

“We all handle grief differently,” I say, trying to help Manda’s case with Ken. “Sometimes the memories hurt more than help. They help you, but they hurt Manda. She wants to start over and build new memories.”

Teddy squirms, and John puts him down. We watch as Teddy runs to Ken, raising his arms to be picked up. When Ken does so, he is wrapped up in the biggest hug that little guy can give him. Placing a wet kiss on his cheek.

“No sad, Papa.” Teddy whispers using both hands to wipe away the silent tears that had fallen.

“So I’m not losing you. You’re just going to let us love you from afar?” Ken chokes out to her.

“Not too far. We sure as shit will be there as much as Dizz will allow,” Elvira snaps. “Maybe even more than that.”

I can’t help the small laugh that bubbles up. I watch the small family unit talk and whisper about the plans that need to be made. John touches my shoulder and nods his head to the door. We make our way slowly out of the kitchen so we can head home.

John helps me into the truck, and we make our way up the long driveway. The rocking and swaying of the truck lull me into a fast sleep before we could even make it off the ranch land. Who knew so many emotions could suck the energy right out of you?

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