Page 29 of Double the Dilemma

The water poured over him and he leaned against the tiles as he tried to make a decision. Everything in him urged him to go out there and tell her that he wasn’t going to let her go. That he didn’t want to. But another part of him kept questioning whether that was the best thing to do.

Karissa tried to escape multiple times today, and told him so many times that she wanted to leave. That she didn’t need his help. Didn’t want his protection. So why was he bothering? Not only had his stubbornness pushed her farther away, but it brought Sena to their door, just like Karissa predicted. And now not only was Karissa in danger, but so were the women and the kids. Sena didn’t seem to care much about him or his brothers, but the rest, they were fair game.

He tilted his head back, letting the water pour over his face as he tried to clear his mind. He was torn. And if he was honest with himself, hurt.

Hurt that she was still pushing him away. Hurt that she was acting like she was nothing to him but a temporary distraction. Hurt that she couldn’t see how well they worked together. Hurt that she couldn’t understand that he didn’t want to change her.

Most of all, though, he was hurt that she didn’t trust him.

What more could he do? He told her how he felt about her; did his best to show her. Sure, he didn’t give her flowers and shit, but he wouldn’t have done that anyway. And, if he was honest, she probably wouldn’t have accepted them, and he’d have just looked like a fool. Karissa was a woman who valued actions, and he thought he was doing that. Showing her that he wanted her, not just in bed, but out of it.

What kind of man just shows up at a woman’s work, or invites her to events with him, if he doesn’t actually want it to mean something? Not him. And as much as it infuriated and irritated him when she continued to reject him for everything other than sex, it also thrilled him. He liked the thrill of the chase, of knowing that she would be worth the challenge in the end.

Or so he thought. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

Fuck, he sounded like a pussy, he thought to himself in irritation as he angrily grabbed the bottle of shampoo. He needed to stop complaining about emotions and feelings and make up his damn mind. Was he going to keep fighting with her,forher, or was he going to cut his losses and walk away? He knew which would be easier, but he also knew himself. He wasn’t a quitter.

So he wasn’t going to give up. He was going to give Karissa some space tonight and not fight with her, but tomorrow, he was going to keep working on making her realize that she wanted him in her life. Maybe not needed, but wanted. He doubted that Karissa ever needed anyone, but when she wanted to be around someone, be with them, it was her choice.

He stuck his head back under the spray to wash out the shampoo, but as he reached for his bottle of soap, the curtain opened, and in stepped a naked Karissa, with a look on her face that he couldn’t quite read. He turned back to grab his soap, an ember of hope growing in his gut, and then turned around to face her. The shower was barely big enough for the two of them, water splashing over both of them as they watched each other, each waiting for the other to break the silence.

Finally, Karissa said, “You’re right that I have a hard time trusting you.” Her voice was soft, but her gaze was direct.

The hope in his gut cooled. “Because you don’t want to?” he asked carefully.

“No, because I don’t trust anyone easily,” she replied. “Razor, when I was growing up, I learned not to tell anyone anything that they could use against me. Nothing that could be used to hurt me in any way. And while that’s served me well for most of my life, when it comes to relationships with people, it’s difficult to let go of.”

He could appreciate that. He didn’t have the upbringing she did. His parents had been great, and they still were, though he didn’t see them as often as he wanted. “And you think that I’ll use something you tell me against you?” he asked carefully, trying to keep his voice even.

Karissa sighed. “Not intentionally. But it could be as simple as you keeping me in the dark about a situation because of something I told you about in my past. Like, if I told you about Sena from the beginning, and you and the guys found out that Sena was here. Spotted her or tracked her down. You can’t tell me that you wouldn’t have gone to the club first instead of telling me, and that you wouldn’t have tried to catch her yourself and told me about it later once you disposed of her. You would have taken away my choice, and you would have inevitably lied about knowing she was around.” She leveled him with a hard look. “You would have shown me that I couldn’t trust you to keep my secrets and let me handle things as I needed to.”

He knew she was right, as much as he wanted to deny it. His loyalty was to the club, and they didn’t bring women into their problems, even if it involved the women themselves. It went against what they stood for; how they ran the club and their lives. Still, he’d like to think he would have at least talked to her about it in some way. He sighed. “Fine, you’re probably right. But we’ll never know because neither of us had the chance to try.”

She was silent for a moment. “If you really want to be in my life, Razor, then it’s for the best that it didn’t happen. Because if I can’t trust you, I don’t want you in my life in any way. I’ve grown up on my own, and while it would have hurt, it wouldn’t have broken me.”

That ember of hope started to burn again. She was talking in the past tense, did that mean she was thinking about giving him a shot at something real? Was she finally admitting there was something between them? He girded himself and asked bluntly, “What are you saying, Karissa?”

She swallowed hard, and he forced himself to patiently wait as she worked up to whatever she was about to say. She was either going to gut him and tell him that they would never be what he wanted them to be, or she was going to give him a chance. He knew which one he wanted, but he needed her to say the words first.

Finally, she said quietly, “I have no idea if I’m making the right choice with you, Razor, because I never planned on having a man in my life except for some casual fun. You and I really barely know each other, like you said, and for me to take the leap to trust you and keep you in my life, I have to tell you, is scary as hell.” She looked down, and he could see her struggling. He so badly wanted to pull her close, but he needed her to come to him willingly. He wouldn’t do anything that would make her think he was trying to emotionally manipulate her. Finally, she looked up at him and said, “I’ve been on my own for a long time, Razor, and I need you to be patient with me, because I’m going to fuck this up more often than I get it right, and I’m going to test you at every turn because that’s just the way I am.”

His heart pounded and he forced out, “Tell me exactly what you’re saying, Karissa. I want it clear so there are no mistakes.”

She licked her lips and swallowed hard again. “I want to give you and I a shot, Razor, but we have to figure out a way we can both be happy. I want your help with Sena, and the club’s, but I want to be involved. And you and I, we need to make sure that we can work together in everything else that comes with being in a relationship.”

“You want to be mine, Karissa?” he asked her, his cock hardening at the words, possessiveness and elation running through him. “You want to be my Old Lady? Officially? I’ve been calling you that for a while, but this would be something we both want.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” she said quickly, eyes widening. “I agree to give a relationship a shot, but I’m not ready to cannonball into the deep end. I need to dip my toes in and make sure I like the pool first.”

He chuckled softly at her analogy, but dropped the soap, reached out and hauled her against him, lifted her to her toes and pressed his mouth to hers. He couldn’t take another second without tasting her. He purposely kept the kiss light, not wanting to come on too strong even though they were naked. He knew that it wouldn’t take much to send her running. She kissed him back, her arms coming up around his neck like they always did. She gave a soft moan, her tongue tangling with his as he deepened the kiss.

When he finally forced himself to pull away, he looked into her eyes and rasped, “I think we both know where this is going to end up, but if you want to take things slower, I can work with that. I meant what I said before, Rissa, I don’t want to change you. We’re going to have to compromise on some stuff, but I want you as you are. We can figure everything else out later.”

She gave a small smile. “Does that mean you’re going to act all he-man like Fury does with Esme now?” she asked, a teasing note to her voice.

He chuckled and gave her a light slap on the ass before setting her back on her feet, still keeping her close against him. “I’ll try to keep it to a minimum. But I won’t say it won’t happen. I’m a man, and I think you like it when I take charge.” He rubbed his erection against her stomach, and she rolled her eyes.

“Sex is one thing, but everything else is different,” she said drily.

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