Page 36 of Double the Dilemma

“Any more secrets you want to tell me about now?” he asked her pointedly. “Any secret boyfriends that are going to come out of the woodwork? Or maybe a long-lost family you only just found out about?”

Her eyes lost their fire and she glared up at him. “Are you going to be butt hurt about this?” she demanded. “Because I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t tell anyone. I was under strict orders never to mention the team or my involvement.”

“You called them to come get you,” he said darkly. “Because you trusted them more than you trusted us. More than you trusted me.” He let go of her hands and pulled away from her, moving off the bed to stand. Because that was the crux of it. She knew that he wanted her, wanted her to stay here with him, and still she trusted someone else.

Karissa laid there for a moment looking at him, expression unreadable. Then she rolled and sat up so she was perched on the edge of the bed. He couldn’t quite name the emotion in her eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Finally she said, “Razor, I know you’re pissed and hurt, but you need to understand. They were my team. I trusted them with my life countless times and they always helped me.”

“And you think I wouldn’t?” he demanded, anger taking over his hurt in a rush. “You think I wouldn’t have worked with you, protected you, like they could? That my club, who are also made up of a shit ton of former military, couldn’t help you? That we would throw you to the wolves and say you’re on your own? Fuck that, Karissa. You know that. Instead of trusting me, you called in back-up, and now I’m realizing Ireallydon’t know shit about you.”

She pushed to her feet, her own temper igniting. “I barely know any of you,” she yelled. “At least with my team, I know I’m going to be treated as an equal. I’m going to have a say in what happens. You and your boys club would swoop in and take over. I had no idea they’d formed an MC, and I didn’t know they were going to come barging in here this way, but I’m not going to apologize. Because this is me, Razor. This is who I am.

“I’m a former mercenary that took out the worst of the worst around the world, with those people at my back. I ate, breathed, slept, and shit with them. I killed people alongside them. I rescued people alongside them. I was the only female member of the team in the field. I saved their asses, and they saved mine. That is what a team is. For two years, they were the only family I had. So I won’t apologize for calling my family to help me. Just like you would do the same with the club. You’re pissed because I didn’t call you first. In case you forgot, I was trying to leave. My team was going to get me away from here, and then draw Sena away too, so this didn’t touch you. So that this didn’t end with Sena shooting you, or the women, or the kids. I was trying to protect you. I was trying to protect everyone here. I didn’t want you involved in my mess. How hard is that for you to see?”

He felt like he was going to snap, his body was so tense. Finally, he said quietly, “Because I wanted to be your family, Karissa. I wanted my club to be your family. I wanted you to trust us. If you had told us the truth from the beginning, the whole truth, we could have figured something out. Maybe it’s hard for you to realize this, but you have people here who care about you here. I care about you. Just as you are. I don’t know how many times you need me to say it before you get it through your thick head. If you had talked to me, trusted me, I would have helped you. Hell, I’d have gotten us both out of town and we could have dealt with Sena together if you asked. Because you are mine, Karissa. You told me last night you were mine, and I was going to be yours. We can’t have that if you won’t be honest. Because I’m done banging my head against a brick wall. You need to decide what you’re going to do, because I’m not fighting with you. If you want to be with me, no more secrets, and you tell me anything else I need to know, no matter how small or insignificant it might be. Because if you can’t do that, then I don’t know what we’re doing here. You’re either all in, or you’re all out.”

With that, he turned, stalked to the door and walked out. He could feel her gaze on his back, but he didn’t allow himself to look back. He needed to be strong on this, no matter how much he wanted to go back and act like everything would be okay. No matter how much he wanted to believe that Karissa would spill everything to him, and choose him in the end.

Fuck, he hated feeling this way. Hated feeling unsure. What kind of biker did that make him? He was letting a woman lead him around by the balls and he couldn’t do that. Couldn’t allow that.

He went down the stairs, ignoring everyone as he headed for the door. He needed to clear his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Predator members spread out, perfectly at home as they took in the lay of the land, some with club whores already on their laps. He gritted his teeth and kept going, unwilling to stay and watch. As far as he was concerned, the whole team could fuck off. Maybe then Karissa would see that he and his club had her back. Maybe then she would trust him.

He left the clubhouse and stalked to the garage. He would have gone for a ride, but with Sena out there, he didn’t dare make himself an easy target. So instead, he was going to get some work done. Maybe beating on an engine would help some of this anger and frustration.

He threw himself into his work, letting the routine of it numb him and take his focus. He didn’t even stop when Jax arrived, leaning against his bench, legs crossed at the ankles, and arms crossed over his chest. His face was serious, but Razor ignored him. Finally, after long moments of silence, Jax said, “I don’t think she’s going to leave.”

Razor paused at his words, then resumed what he was doing. “She’s going to do what she wants. That’s how she is.” He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but didn’t quite manage it.

“Brother, you knew when you got involved with her that she was going to be a hard nut to crack,” Jax sighed. “Karissa is not like Royal, Harlow, Esme, or Scarlett. All those women are kickass and do what needs to be done, but they also are happy to let their men step in and help. They might argue for the sake of it, but they still know what they can and can’t manage on their own. Karissa, well, she’s not like them. She’s in a league of her own, and she’s never going to need you the way the other women need their men. But there is a difference between need and want. Sometimes need isn’t what’s best. Wanting to stay, and wanting to be in your life, is almost better. It’s a choice.”

“And she chose them,” he snapped, throwing the tool in his hand on his bench, the clatter echoing loudly through the room. “Instead of letting me know what was going on, she called them. You think I don’t know that she doesn’t need me? She can take care of herself, and that’s what I love about her, but she also didn’t want me to help her. She was going to fucking leave, man. How is that wanting someone?”

“But she was leaving to protect you,” Jax pointed out reasonably. “She was trying to draw that bitch away so she didn’t hurt you. That has to count for something.” He straightened and turned, facing him fully. “Man, you’re my best friend, and I have never seen you this twisted up over a woman before. Most of the time, you fuck ‘em and chuck ‘em. I also know that if anyone can convince Karissa to stay and give you a fair chance at a life here, it’s you. Not saying it’s going to be easy, but it’ll be worth it in the end.”

“You ask me, you should just cut her loose,” Rogue growled as he stormed inside. His entire demeanor was irritated, and Razor had to figure the girls pissed him off again. Normally, if it was Scarlett, he got a predatory look in his eyes and they would be off in some corner or in the apartment over the garage, fucking it out of their systems. “And tell her to take those bastards with her.”

Jax chuckled. “The girls are still looking for a new daddy, huh?” he taunted.

Rogue gave him a deadly glare. “I’ve already told those assholes what will happen if they so much as look in their direction,” he vowed.

“But the question is whether Scarlett is looking,” Jax pointed out helpfully.

“Jesus, do you have a death wish?” Razor groaned. “Fuck, I came out here to think, not keep him from killing you.”

“He won’t kill me,” Jax says smugly. “Everyone knows you need me around here. Besides, who else are you going to use for grunt work?”

“Back to Karissa,” Rogue said, ignoring Jax. “I already told you to grow a goddamn pair of balls and take charge, but you haven’t listened. Now you’re out here moping.”

Razor glared at him. “You think it’s that easy?” he snapped. “Have you met her? It doesn’t matter what I say to her, if she doesn’t trust me, why should I continue to bother trying to get her to stay? To be interested in me? Hell, I didn’t know about her former team. I knew nothing about that part of her life. If she trusted me, she would have told me.”

“You really think so?” Fury asked, coming into the garage. “She didn’t even tell Esme, man. And those two are like sisters, they’re so close. If she didn’t tell her best friend, then why the hell would she tell the man she’s sleeping with?”

Razor scowled. “You think I don’t know that?” he snapped. “I’m allowed to be pissed. I finally thought I was getting somewhere with her, and now it’s all gone to shit again. The very people she trusts more than any of us are here, so what does she need us for? What does she need me for?”

“For fuck sakes,” Rogue snapped. “You sound like a fucking pussy. Grow the fuck up, Razor. If you want your woman, you don’t allow her to leave. You tell her she’s yours, and if she tries to go, you tie her up and get her pregnant, or some shit. You do what you have to do to keep her with you.”

“That’s how you’re keeping Scarlett?” Razor tossed back. “That’s the advice you’re going to give whoever the girls end up with? Considering what they’ve been through, that’ll end with you getting your ass handed to you and them leaving you behind.” Rogue’s scowl deepend, and he looked murderous at the thought.

“Or, you be there for her,” Fury suggested. “Esme wanted to leave, and I proved myself. You do the same. Brother, I’m the first person who will tell you that women are a pain in the damn ass, but they’re also the reason for getting up in the morning. None of us have picked easy women. Yours is going to be more determined than most, but you’re trying too hard to prove you’re a better option. You need to show her that you’re theonlyoption.”

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