Page 38 of Double the Dilemma

“You would regret it,” Esme said softly as she came up to stand beside her.

Karissa sighed. Esme always seemed to know what she was thinking. It was the exact reason she loved her so much. They were best friends, and sisters in every way but blood. “Maybe,” she admitted, “but then my life would be simple.”

“Simple?” Esme repeated incredulously, turning to look at her. “You call running simple? I call it cowardly.”

Karissa scowled at her. “Cowardly would be trying to hide. I’ve never tried to hide from Sena. The only times she couldn’t find me were when we were out on missions and I wasn’t around for her to find. I don’t leave because I’m scared of her. I leave because people die if I’m in one place for too long. It’s one thing for me to kill them; it’s another for them to die because they look like me.”

Esme was quiet for a moment. “Is that why you never told me about her?” she asked softly. “You were worried you were going to have to get up and leave?”

“I never told you because I didn’t want you to be freaked out even more,” Karissa admitted. “You were already dealing with your father and your ex. I mean, the cartel coming after you is a bit more important than some psycho coming after me. And, to be honest, in the beginning, I never planned on us being friends. Co-workers, sure, but nothing more. But then we got closer, and well, I kind of just put Sena out of my mind. And when she didn’t try to kill me in the entire time that we were on the move, I thought maybe she was arrested and put back in the psych ward, or gave up.”

Esme watched her silently for a long moment. Then she stepped forward and shoved her back. Karissa stumbled because she hadn’t expected it, and glared at her. “That’s for being stupid,” Esme yelled at her, eyes blazing. She shoved her again. “And that’s for not telling me about Sena, your team, or any of this other bullshit.” One more hard shove had Karissa falling back against the railing. “And that is for trying to leave instead of letting me help you.” Her chest heaved with each word. “Did you really think, after everything we’ve been through together, that I wouldn’t have gone with you? That I wouldn’t have helped you?”

“I didn’t want you to help me,” Karissa yelled back at her. Esme’s face went hard and Karissa groaned, scrubbing her hands over face. “Fuck, Esme, you’re happy here. You have a man that loves you, and you’re finally getting the life you deserve. Like hell was I going to let you give that up for me. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you or Gabe. Or the other girls, or to Ronin, or the new babies on the way. Me leaving was the best option.”

“No, the best option was to fucking tell us what the hell was going on,” Esme snapped. “You think I don’t know that you can handle yourself, that you’re a badass with a gun and killer fighting skills? You think I didn’t know that you were hiding something? You have a lot left to learn about being a best friend to someone, Rissa. I’m not going to let you walk away. From me, from Gabe, from the babies I’m going to have, and not from anyone else. Your ass is going to stay right here, and we’re going to get rid of that bitch once and for all. Then, you and Razor are going to build a house here on the compound and we’re going to be neighbors and raise our kids and all that shit. And if you ever think of leaving again, I’ll sic Gabe on you so fast, you won’t know what hit you.”

Karissa let out a short laugh. “Using your son, huh?”

“I’ll do whatever I have to to make sure you don’t leave,” Esme said with a shrug. “Seriously, I can get past a lot, Karissa, but don’t leave. Or at least, don’t leave because you think you’re protecting me. I can look after myself, too. I did for a long time before I met you. I’ll track you down, drag your ass back, and kick it so hard you won’t be able to even think about walking away. And if that still doesn’t work, I’ll tie your ass up in the basement and only let you out to feel the sun once a week.”

Karissa laughed because it was so ludicrous. “Sure thing,” she drawled.

Esme gave her a narrowed-eyed glare. “I’m serious, missy. You and me, we’re sisters for life, and you have no choice. Razor might give you one, but I won’t.”

The mention of Razor sobered Karissa immediately. “Yeah, well, he and I might be done before we even got started,” she sighed.

Esme arched a brow. “What happened?”

Karissa shrugged. “We had it out last night and I finally agreed to give him a shot. But now that my team is here, and he’s realized that I haven’t been honest about my life’s story, he’s done trying to convince me. Probably for the best anyway. He and I are too far apart on a lot of things, and he’d be better off with someone who can give him what he wants.”

“And what do you think he wants?”

“Someone who will let him take charge and let him be the big, strong protector,” she said after a moment. “I told him once he wanted a housewife, but I was wrong. He wants someone who is going to need him as much as he needs her. Who will be happy to step aside and let him lead. I can’t be any of those things. Well, maybe in bed, but out of it, no.”

“You know, for being a badass, you’re really stupid when it comes to relationships,” a deep voice said, drawing their attention.

Karissa glared at Copper as he stepped onto the porch. “I don’t recall asking you for your opinion,” she shot back. “How many relationships have you been in, exactly, since we’ve known each other?”

“It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other, Xena,” he pointed out easily. He leaned against the building and crossed his arms over his chest. “But I also know that out of all of us, I fully expected you to find someone and settle down.”

“Why?”

“Because as much as we’re your surrogate family, you’ve always wanted a real one. And it seems you’ve found them, even if you are keeping them at arm’s length,” he replied, shrugging. “You should know that a man doesn’t chase you unless he sees himself being with you forever. From what I hear, you’ve already got one foot out the door. Can’t have a proper relationship that way, now can you?”

“He’s right,” Esme chimed in helpfully, ignoring Karissa’s glare.

“Xena, don’t be the person that has everything in front of her and then leaves it all behind out of some stupid sense of nobility. You have a chance here, and if you throw it away, you’ll be kicking your own ass for the rest of your life.” He winked at her. “And my boot will join in too.” Then he nodded at Esme, pushed away from the building, and strode back inside.

Karissa stared after him and then grumbled, “I forgot how nosy they were.”

Esme chuckled. “But he is right. Don’t throw away a chance with Razor when you could have so much happiness. Razor won’t try to change you. Though, just in case you haven’t noticed, none of us Old Ladies ever just sit back and let the men take charge, even when they really want us to. Royal took care of business, Scarlett and the girls took their own revenge. Maybe we’re not leading the pack, but we have our own way of doing things, and it works.”

Karissa groaned. “I already feel guilty, now you’re making me sound like a bitch.”

She smirked. “Well if the shoe fits…” Karissa flipped her off and Esme laughed. She reached out and drew her into a hug.

Karissa embraced her tightly before sighing and saying, “I’m sorry, Esme.”

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