Page 40 of Songs of Vice

I shrugged loose pants on. “I’m finished.”

Lira turned around as I did, and my heart stopped beating. Her half-dry hair hung in waves against her shoulders and her long, smooth legs peeked out from under the kurta. I realized I was observing her in a way that I had no right to do and darted my eyes back up to hers only to find she was doing the same to me. It set a pit of flame in my stomach. “Are you comfortable sharing the bed?”

She twined a strand of hair around her fingers. “I mean, it won’t be our first time, right?” Her mouth snapped shut as soon as the words came out, and the heat in my body built.

Goddess damn me and drag me to Naraka to let me suffer. I would come apart piece by piece for this woman which terrified me. “Let’s get some sleep.”

She nodded and crawled onto the bed which was, unfortunately, small. Neia and I had shared it without intruding on each other’s personal space before, though, and I could do the same with Lira.

Booms of thunder and the clattering chorus of the rain washed around the cabin, like it ensconced us as I lay down. Lira shifted, and I tried to move as close to the edge of the bed as possible. After a long while her breathing quieted, though the fire never burnt down.

I had the hardest time going to sleep.

If Lira was elemental… what did that mean?

Maybe it meant nothing, but I wasn’t a man to believe in coincidences. She’d found me. A bit conveniently at that. Neia didn’t like whatever her presence boded. My attraction to her was not helping anything. Beyond that, I had a drive to protect her, to bend down and offer myself as a sacrifice if that’s what she required. I prostrated myself to no one but the Maharani. How could she hold such power over me?

Here I lay beside a siren with impossible, forgotten magic who could undo me with a touch. Lira with eyes the size of jewels who looked at me like I was a protector. A woman with so much appeal I would pledge myself to her to get to hold her hand again. I wasn’t sure which of those three might be what caused my fall, but it felt like one of them would.

Those thoughts ushered me into an uneasy sleep.

I woke to Lira gasping as another peal of thunder trembled the cabin.

“Hey,” I grumbled past my half-asleep haze and moved closer to wrap an arm around her. “It’s okay.”

She went still under my touch. Enough consciousness came to me so that I realized I’d touched her in a way I didn’t know if she would want. I snapped my arms back. “I’m so sorry… I wasn’t awake and…”

“No… don’t. Would you…” She swallowed. “Would you stay near me? The storm and this dark cabin scare me.”

I moved back beside her and tucked an arm around her waist. She tensed at my touch again but then softened.

“The first time I saw a man killed was in a thunderstorm.” She stopped speaking, and I couldn’t think of what to respond with as another crash of thunder rumbled. “It gives me nightmares,” she continued, “whenever there’s a rough storm.”

“You're safe here.”

“It’s not my well-being I’m worried about.”

“What is it, then?”

“The fear of how I might cause harm. You asked me what I wanted earlier, and I said to run away. That’s not true though. What I want is to not hurt others, to not be a monster people fear.”

“I’m not afraid of you.” As soon as the words came out, I wasn’t sure if they were true especially after her story of what the sirens in her mother’s group did, paired with her having elemental magic. My body, however, drew towards her like a flower reaching for sunlight. All the fear was from my relentless thoughts, but my body didn’t harbor the same reservations. Plus, I knew the desire to not be seen monstrously well. It was one I shared. Lira settled closer against me, so the sentiment seemed to help, regardless.

I tried not to think of the gentle curve of her stomach and the way it felt under my hand, the rise and fall of her breath that pushed against my chest. My body didn’t heed my mind. The flame of desire that flickered within me grew until it was all I could think of. What must she taste like? What sounds would she make as she came undone? I pulled back from her and she turned around so that our faces nearly touched and one of her legs slid between mine. “Don’t go.”

My breathing turned into a pant, and my heart raced about. I couldn’t think straight with her silvery eyes staring at me, flames reflecting in them, and those words pouring past her thick lips that I longed to feel against mine.

“Unless you don’t want to…” Lira gripped her hair and slid her leg back. “God, I’m sorry. I’m just pushing myself onto you. Of course you don’t have to…”

She turned, but I grasped her arm and didn’t speak until her eyes met mine. “It’s not that. It’s…” My kurta draped over the dips of her body. I’d never wear that again without thinking of her. “You’re a very attractive woman, Lira. I want to be honorable.”

“Oh.” Her gaze dropped to my mouth, and Goddess damn her could she stop doing that? I wanted nothing more than to peel the clothing off her and see if I could make her shiver as I scraped my hands down her bare flesh. She draped her fingers over my jaw, and my body froze. “You’re attractive too, Sai.”

She leaned in close enough that the sweet smell of her—enhanced with an earthiness the rain had imbued her with—overwhelmed me. My heart galloped against her fingers as she moved closer so that our noses brushed. Her eyes dropped to my lips again, and she either needed to kiss me or stab me and put me out of my misery. Her breath blew across my cheeks, and I leaned in closer but stopped. I didn’t want to force anything even if, Goddess slay me, I was dying.

Her lips brushed over mine, and she paused. The hesitation left us both breathing loudly enough to overtake the pounding rain. Lira curled her fingers over my jaw and kissed me hard. I groaned through my teeth and tangled my fingers into her hair. Her lips parted and her mouth tasted sweet like honey. Kissing Lira was like diving into a whirlpool for it to swallow me, knowing I gave up my life. It was as though I untethered my soul and presented it to her to hold.

And I craved more. Desperately.

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