Page 63 of Finally Found You

“Cami might come to visit me over Christmas break,” she mumbles, and it takes everything from me not to push the brake and ask about this new development. My heart staggers at the mention, stumbles, but continues to beat.

Does it suck to have to choose between my child and the woman I love? Sure, but isn’t that just life?

A constant series of impossible choices, compromises, and constant heartbreaks. The taste of what happened is still bitter in my mouth, but as usual, I swallow it and try to forget. I’m a father, and most times that means choosing your child over your own heart.

Sure, I loved Camilla, once upon a time. But just as I moved on from Tara, I can move on from Camilla too. Or at least, that’s what I keep telling myself. Sure, she still holds a piece of my heart, but I’ll get it back, won’t I?

Maybe I should delete the few pictures I have of her on my phone and the two voicemails I play on repeat. Those last reminiscences of her are my guilty pleasure and my secret torment. Fuck, I’m a pathetic loser who’s acting like a teenager who lost his first love. I’m almost forty and Camilla shouldn’t matter to me.

She shouldn’t, but she’s still hanging around like a ghost who can’t follow the light and move to the other realm.

“Will that be okay if she visits?” Kenzy’s question jolts me back to the present, her voice a thin thread of uncertainty.

“Sure, or if you want to fly to her, I’ll pay for the trip,” I offer. My words come out mechanical. I don’t feel them at all. It’s a way to stop myself from digging deeper and figuring out this sudden development. Why is Cami back in her life?

“Maybe I can ask her if I can go,” she murmurs, her words wrapped in layers of unspoken feelings. “I don’t know where she lives, you know. She said something about being busy when I asked her if she would visit me.”

“You spoke with her?” I keep my tone light, casual even. A nonchalant glance her way as the car lurches to a stop at a sign. “When?”

“It was part of my therapy,” she explains faintly, echoing the quiet turmoil inside her. “Stop talking to people because you can’t handle your emotions is wrong. She didn’t do anything to me. Kissing you was probably a mistake or… I don’t care why she did it. It was a one-time thing. I shouldn’t have pushed her away because I was afraid she would leave me for you.”

“True,” I agree, trying to keep up with this conversation and hoping to say the right words, hoping not to upset her. A teenager’s mood is fragile. My daughter is a crystal doll who could break at any moment with just one word.

“Yep, and I’ve missed her for ages,” she says with an exaggerated wistfulness. “Usually, I would call her every night to tell her what’s happening at home or school, and now I don’t have anyone.”

I could tell her she’s not alone. She has Cory, Fern, and even me. But none of us can fill the Camilla-shaped hole in her life.

“Glad you’re building your relationship back,” I manage to say, my voice detached, although I want to ask more.

“Just don’t kiss her again, okay?” Her plea hangs in the air, a reminder of the precarious balance we’re maintaining.

I scoff lightly, a small gust of laughter to blow away the tension. Until I can get over Camilla, I will have to avoid seeing her. It might take an exorcism or something more drastic to push her out of my soul, but I’ll find the way.

“Hux asked if you could work at the bookstore this weekend,” I divert the conversation, steering it onto a safer subject.

“Honestly, I’d rather work at the bar, but he said I can’t until I’m twenty-one. How’s that for fair?” She huffs, a small storm of indignation that makes me chuckle.

“So I’m guessing you’re taking us to Paradise Bay this weekend?”

I nod, my gaze fixed on the road. “Yep, it’s fall, and the winery needs everyone’s attention, including Hux’s. Enid needs help, and they’re hoping you’ll give her a hand with the shop.”

“I like the bookstore and Enid,” Kenzy concedes, her tone softening. “Fine, but then we can discuss when I’ll get to see Cami, right?”

“You probably have to talk to her about the dates,” I suggest, despite the knot of unease that tightens in my chest.

“If she comes for Christmas?”

“We need the dates,” I insist.

“How do you spend Christmas?” she suddenly asks.

“At the big house with the family,” I answer, trying to figure out where she’s going with this. “How about you?”

“Cami would come two days before and buy a tree. We’d decorate it and she’d fill it with presents,” she speaks in a near-whisper, a melancholic melody. “Nonna would prepare Italian food.”

As we pull up to the apartment, Kenzy hesitantly breaks the silence. “Maybe we can invite Cami to spend Christmas with us since she doesn’t have a family.” She pouts slightly, a small dark cloud passing over her features. “Unless, she spends it with the Dragos.”

“It’s only September,” I gently remind her, hoping to ease the weight of her worry. “We have plenty of time to figure out the holidays. If you want, you can spend Thanksgiving with her so you don’t have to worry about Christmas.”

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