Page 115 of Grown-Up Second Chance

How would I even get there? I couldn’t take the car, Liz and Kathleen needed that.

Impossible.

I tried to capture another eagle scanning the river.

Better.

A longing in my heart told me I’d better figure out a way to get to South Dakota.

Why did he have to choose the Badlands which so richly deserved their name? Couldn’t he have picked somewhere else? Like a hot springs with a lovely inn? Someplace where I could get pampered while he scribbled?

Somewhere more conducive to a seduction. Because that might be what it would take.

The eagle flew by again, but I wasn’t ready for the shot.

People down river from me stirred and a shape emerged from the bushes. That big rack could only belong to one animal—a moose.

I extended my lens and took a shot.

It was still far away, but I had my first moose picture.

The eagle came by again, but this time there was a second one right on his tail.

A third watched from shore.

The next time around the bird swooped and snatched up a wriggling fish.

Immediately, the second eagle was on him, talons out, beak wide.

They struggled in the air, close to the river, their huge wings almost touching.

The third eagle dive-bombed them. Soon it was a whirr of feathers, beaks, and talons, with screams that made me think someone was being murdered. The fish was torn in two, and the second eagle took off with its portion. The first eagle finally pulled free of its rival and flew off.

The third eagle went back to its position on the bank as the moose came plodding up the river.

Joe was like that plodding moose, just putting one foot in front of the other to go in what he thought was the right direction. I’d been like that forlorn eagle on the other side of the river, going after the things I wanted, but failing.

Or maybe I wasn’t being clear enough to either myself or Joe. Would I be satisfied with a fling? Would finally having sex with Joe complete whatever we had between us? Would a long weekend in bed be enough for me to move on from a multiple-decade fantasy?

Two ospreys cruised above me, working in tandem. They mated for life, a life that included responsibilities, but also the soaring freedom of the sky.

It had taken me a long time to get up the courage to leave Larry and stand on my own two feet. As non-existent as the relationship had become, it hadn’t felt right to give up. Married for life. Wasn’t that what the church had taught us over and over? And the magazines we were addicted to as teens showed us how to attract a man and make them the center of our existence.

Who was I if I wasn’t in a relationship?

Much as I was being blasé about a slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am event, I wasn’t sure I could really see myself doing that again. I was hungrier for more than I had been in my twenties.

I looked up at the osprey again.

I’d fought for that freedom. Would it be possible to fall in love and still figure out who I was on my own?

I snapped a few more pictures, then turned to go. In front of me the morning sky highlighted the crags and fissures of the Grand Teton Mountains. Their outlines were crisp against the sky, and from this distance it was possible to frame them even with the long lens.

Such majesty in this country. How had I lived so long away from it? Whether I was with Joe or not, I needed to do some serious thinking about coming home.

~ ~ ~

“She’ll go to her grave with the secret,” Kathleen said to Liz as we ate lunch.

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