Page 74 of Grown-Up Second Chance

“And one for all,” Kathleen said.

My heart filled with love for my family. It may not be everything I wanted, but for now, it was enough.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Joe looked up from the book he was reading as I walked into his campsite late the following afternoon. “Are you done avoiding me?” he asked.

“I wasn’t … Okay, I was.”

He gestured to the other chair. “Beer?”

“Sounds good.”

He easily stood and went into his trailer, returning in a moment with two beers, caps already removed. The bottle was chilly, and I gratefully took a gulp. It had gotten hot, especially in the afternoon. The air was drying to the point where I could feel my skin on life support. In normal times, fire season would be right around the corner, but these were no longer normal times and the forests were already thick with flame and smoke.

“I can’t change who I am at my core,” Joe said, getting right into it. “After the prom, after the kiss, all I wanted to do was fix whatever had happened between us. But I couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong. My dad had always taught me to do the honorable thing, and that meant waiting until everyone was sure. And I wasn’t sure of anything. Man, I wasn’t sure at all.”

I stayed silent and sipped my beer.

“And then you wouldn’t talk to me. How was I supposed to fix what was wrong if we couldn’t talk about it? You broke my heart, Di. It took me a long time to get over that.”

I took the hit. He was right. I’d been a coward, as much afraid of happiness as I was of anything else.

“I’m sorry, Joe. My only excuse is that I was immature.”

“And now?”

“I’m here,” I pointed out. “It took me a bit, but I’m here. I’m just not sure what I can tell you. My goal is to enjoy a year on the road with my sisters. After that?” I shrugged. “That’s anyone’s guess.” I leaned forward, my elbows on my knees. “Can’t we let things be for now? You’re leaving soon. Let’s have some fun and not worry about being serious.”

“As I said, I’m staying a little while longer,” he said. “My son is arriving tomorrow. We’re going fishing and sightseeing on Tuesday and Wednesday. I was thinking of going to Mammoth Springs on Thursday. Would you like to come with us?”

“That would be fun. Unless you think he’d rather have you to himself.”

“Oh, he’ll be tired of his old man by that time,” Joe replied.

“Then, sure.”

We discussed the details and finished our beers before I headed back to my temporary home, taking the long way around the park. I had thinking to do, and long ago I’d discovered my best thinking was done on my feet.

My parents had a marriage of equals. True, they each had their realms, and their traditions were old-fashioned, but I never doubted that Mom had her way as often as Dad did.

As teens, Joe and I had been equals, but his stance on slowing things down had messed me up a little. In the mid-seventies, the Sixties’ creed of sex, drugs, and rock-’n’-roll had finally made it to Montana. Civil Rights weren’t really a thing; the only substantial group of non-whites we had were Native Americans, and that was a whole different problem, one we still weren’t addressing well. We may have elected the first female representative in the country, but women’s rights were still mostly limited to traditional female occupations, getting married, and bearing children.

We were slow to change. Still are.

But the women’s movement had made something come alive in me. I didn’t want to wait, not for anything. I thought sex could be had without commitment, a few hours of pleasure with no strings attached. I didn’t understand Joe’s hesitation. Wasn’t that what guys wanted?

When I married Larry, I discovered they actually wanted a whole lot more. I’d dabbled with sexual freedom in college and found it less satisfying than I thought it would be. I enjoyed myself, but something was missing. I got married to fill that unanswered need. To some extent, I’d been more interested in the fact that Larry was a man than who he actually was.

And I’d paid a heavy price for my inattention.

Here I was full circle.

Maybe Joe had been right all along.

~ ~ ~

The next morning I claimed the car for an afternoon exploration. I intended to go downtown and explore the shops and galleries on my own.

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