Page 45 of The Head Game

He already knew what the worst was. Somehow this either killed him or made it impossible for him to play hockey.

“Several months minimum for recovery from the procedure itself.”

Nico winced.

So far, he’d avoided any major injuries in his career and he’d never had to be out for more than a month or two. He was lucky.

Or, maybe not. He’d just found out he had a fucking brain tumor. That didn’t feel very lucky.

Dr. Douglas continued. “As I said, that is the best-case scenario and only a rough estimate. Many factors will impact it.”

“Like what?”

“If we are able to get all of the tumor during the surgery. If we aren’t able to get it all, we might need to follow up with radiation or chemotherapy. And of course, if the biopsy came back as cancerous, we would need to reassess our treatment plan altogether but let’s not borrow trouble there yet. The biggest factor we’ll need to consider in terms of your return to full function is if there are any deficits following the surgery.”

“Deficits?” Nico asked hoarsely. “What? I … that doesn’t sound good.”

“Although these scans give us a great view of what’s happening in your brain, we won’t truly know exactly what we’re dealing with until we’re in the middle of surgery. We will be very careful to remove only the affected area but that can disrupt some of your function.”

“Like what?” he demanded.

“Now, these are merely possibilities, I want you to remember that, but removal of tissue in that area can cause mild memory loss, language problems, difficulty recognizing faces …”

“What about hockey?”

She hesitated. “There will likely be some physical or occupational therapy required after. We won’t know until after you come out of surgery.”

“No. Wait. Can I … not get the surgery? If it maybe isn’t cancer—”

“Nico.” The doctor’s tone was kind but firm. “I know you feel okay right now but we’ve given you anticonvulsants to reduce the risk of further seizures, steroids to decrease any swelling around the tumor, and painkillers to treat your headaches. If we took you off them, your symptoms would worsen again. This isn’t something you can play through.”

Nico swallowed hard, nodding.

She continued. “From the way you described your recent symptoms, the tumor was starting to have a serious impact on your vision. Without surgery, it will continue to grow and your symptoms will worsen. It will compress your optic nerve and impact your eyesight and other structures in that area of the brain. Untreated for longer, it will eventually spread to critical areas that control your breathing and your other organs. That will take time but benign or not, it will eventually lead to death and not a pleasant one. If you want to continue playing hockey and go on to live a full, healthy life, this surgery is your best shot.”

“Can I have a moment to think about it?” he croaked. This was all happening so fast.

“Of course.” Dr. Douglas gave him an understanding smile, patted his shin, then stood to leave. “If you need a little time to absorb everything I’ve said, please take it. You’re not in immediate danger. Let the nurse know when you’re ready to discuss it more.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want us to leave?” Dustin asked when the doctor was gone.

Nico shook his head. “No, you and Kate can stay.”

Kate gave him a little smile from the other chair in the room and Nico had the weirdest urge to apologize for all of the shit he’d started since he’d known her. He felt strangely emotional, like he was full to the brim of feelings he had no idea what to do with.

“What if I don’t want to do this?” Nico asked hoarsely.

Dustin scooted closer to the hospital bed. “It sounds like you don’t have a choice, Nico.”

Nico rubbed his eyes, annoyed by the way they stung. “I hate that.”

“I know.” Dustin took his hand. “But you can’t ignore this anymore, Nico.”

“I know.”

“This isn’t going to be easy but you heard what the doctor said. The surgery is your best shot at getting better,” Dustin said earnestly. “And believe me when I say I never want to watch you go down on the ice and have a seizure again. I was terrified. I thought you were dying. We all did. Please don’t do that to any of us again. We need you. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for the team.”

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