Page 71 of A Minute More

He nods and I feel immense relief. I don’t want him moving across the country. With him going to Iowa State, he’d be at least somewhat close. We could keep doing what we’re doing. It would be long-distance, but we could make it work.

I love how I’m preparing for the future when I don’t know what he wants from me, what he wants from this.

“I already got accepted.”

My eyes widen at that. Well, that was unexpected.

“I leave in August.”

I take a step back and shove my hands in my pockets, feeling my heart sink at that. That’s really fucking soon. “That’s fucking cool, Simon. I’m so happy for you. Are you going to live in the dorms?”

He shakes his head. “No. I’m going to get a house there. A small one, with a front porch.”

I’d love a house with a front porch one day. A small part of me wonders if he heard me talking about that with Jude or Izzy. I wonder if he’s hinting at something bigger.

Or maybe that’s all my imagination.

Probably my imagination.

“You plan on sitting outside on that porch and spying on the neighbors?”

His lips tilt up at that and then he shakes his head, moving his robot to the other side of the room and setting the controller down.

“No. Hopefully I have someone to sit out there with.”

The way he utters those words makes my heart stampede in my chest.

“Plan on finding someone out there?” I ask softly and Simon glances up at me, not saying a word.“Yeah…I get it,” I say as I nod and then glance around the room, not sure what to do now. Maybe my hope that he’d want something with me after he leaves was just another dream.

“We should probably go. I have to head out early tomorrow,” I mutter.

I don’t even extend an invite again. Not when he’s made it subtly clear that I’m not someone he wants long term. Maybe for now. But not in the future.

I’m not sure I want to continue with things if I don’t get that with him. If I don’t get his forever.

But then again, the way he touches me, the sounds he makes when he comes. Maybe I’ll savor it all until he goes and deal with the fallout then.

“Why are you so quiet?” he asks as I move toward the exit. He’s following behind me, almost stepping on my heels in the process.

“Just thinking.”

I don’t want to frighten him with the enormity of my feelings. We barely know one another. And that’s all that’s between us. Feelings. Fragile, fickle things that ebb and flow as easily as the tides.

“About what?” he asks, his hand landing on my arm and making me turn to glance at him. He looks nervous and unsure, and for a second I wonder what’s going on in his head.

What are you thinking, Simon? Will I ever get to know?

“I’m sorry I never told you I was leaving in August. I…I didn’t know how to tell you or if you even cared.”

“I get it.”

His throat works. “Are you mad?”

“No, just surprised.”

He steps toward me and then asks, “What are you thinking about?”

“You. I’m always thinking about you.”

---