Page 67 of Untamed

“What are you talking about?” I ask, groaning.

“Sleeping with that Black boy.”

She side-eyes me, looking at me like I’m some sort of slut for having a relationship. Although, she never did like that family. Once they started taking me in most nights, she thought they were insinuating she couldn’t take care of me. She felt the same way about Janie’s friends, hating their parents for giving her the love she deserved.

“That’s really none of your business.”

“While you’re staying under my roof, it is!” she all but screams. “I won’t have my child being talked about by everyone in town! They’re saying he carried you out of a restaurant! In broad daylight! Like he was staking some sort of disgusting claim on you.”

This is the most I’ve heard her speak since I came home.

“Always running around with that family of heathens.” She spits the words out with so much disdain it makes me flinch.

“They are not heathens. They are good people.”

“Good people.” She laughs. “They took my daughter from me, acting like I couldn’t take care of you.”

“You couldn’t!” I finally shout at her. Her empty brown eyes turn on me. “You couldn’t take care of me! Or Janie! Dad died, and you may as well have, too. You stopped showing up, stopped making sure there was food in the house or clothes on our backs. And that family took me in and treated me like their own!

“You were absent.” My words are practically growls because I will not put up with her talking about Katherine and Clyde like they’re horrible people for having big hearts. “They were there when I needed someone to put food in my belly. They gave me a safe, warm place to shower and sleep. And where were you?”

She just stares at me, unimpressed and apathetic.

“I was grieving for your father. I was grieving for the man you and Janie killed.”

“Excuse me?” My heart plummets, and my skin goes hot and cold. I’ve always thought she blamed us, but she’s never said it out loud. She’s never been that cruel. “What did you just say to me?”

“You little brats killed him. He wouldn’t have had to take that job if it weren’t for you two sucking up all our money.”

I take a deep breath and then crawl past her out of my bed. Grabbing my larger suitcase from the closet, I start throwing as many clothes and toiletries in it as I can. Tears are falling, and my heart is shattering. I think I’m going to be sick.

“And just what do you think you’re doing?” Her voice is shrill. “You can’t leave me! I need you!”

I pause for a moment, take another centering breath, and turn to face her.

“You don’t need me, Mother. You need my money, which I will not withhold from you.” I run my hands through my hair and laugh sadly at the ceiling. “Not that you deserve it. But unlike you, I’m not going to let my own family starve. I will continue to help you with your bills and supplement what you’re getting from Dad’s social security.

“But I’m not going to stay here and be your crutch. I’m not going to let you speak to me the way you are or speak about people I love like that.” I finish throwing shit in my suitcase and zip it up before turning to look at her again. “You know, Janie and I needed you. You may have lost a husband, but we lost our parents. When Dad died, you left us. Maybe not physically, but you did mentally and emotionally. You willingly left us to fend for ourselves.”

“Leave, then.” She shrugs and just looks at me.

“This isn’t what it’s supposed to be like, you know. You aren’t supposed to hate your children. Your children shouldn’t have to beg you for love.” My tears finally fall fast and free, and I hiccough on a cry. “You’re supposed to love us no matter what.”

“I can’t love something that took the love of my life away,” she says, her voice void of any emotion.

“Mom.” I say her name like I’m begging. I’m begging her for something, anything. Any type of love or emotion. I just want her to fucking care about me for once. Her eyes slide to my face.

“I can’t even look at you without seeing him,” she says, her lip curling in disgust. “Those blue eyes are his, and every time I look at you, I see him. And I hate you for it.”

I roll my lips and bite down hard, begging my eyes to stop crying and my heart to stop breaking. I don’t know how much more it can take before it just can’t hold me upright anymore.

“Okay.” I breathe out. “I’ll deposit money in your account until debts are paid off. After that, we’re done. And outside of money, I want nothing to do with you. I’ll be back to get the rest of my stuff tomorrow. I’d appreciate it if you made yourself scarce.”

She doesn’t say anything, and I take that as my cue to leave. I wish I could say there was some sort of emotional pull to this house, like happy memories of laughter and love. But there isn’t. I can’t even see my dad in this house anymore, so there’s no point in staying where I’m not wanted. Pulling my suitcase behind me, I walk out of my childhood home and toss my life into my Jeep.

“What in the hell are you doin’ out here, boy?”

Pops’ voice spooks the horse, and it takes off, causing my foot to slip from the stirrup. I fall straight on my ass as the horse takes off to the other side of the corral. His nostrils flare, and he snorts back at me like I’m the one who caused him the anxiety.

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