Page 112 of Closer than Ever

“You don’t need to sell it to me, Mum. I just want you guys to be happy.”

Her parents both sighed as if in relief. It felt good to give them that. They had supported her in everything she’d wanted to do in life, even in her moving up north to Balbuinidh which had meant seeing them less. Giving them her blessing was the least she could do even if it rocked her very foundations.

“I’m glad you’re being so open-minded,” her mum said. “Change isn’t always easy for you.”

“Mmm.”

“We’ve had the same lifestyle for years now. We’ve loved it but we need something new. A lot of good can come from freshening things up. That’s why we’ve decided that France is for us. We want the sunshine and all the new experiences that living in a new place will bring. I can’t wait to visit the French markets every day and start a garden. And have I mentioned the wine?”

“Once or twice.”

“If we stay here, we’ll be doing the exact same thing until it’s our time to go.”

“I didn’t realise you guys were so bored of the same routine.”

Her dad interrupted. “I wouldn’t say bored. Just under-stimulated. It’s hard to describe. You only get one life. Why do the same thing for all of it?”

Her parents looked at each other, as if they had something else to drop on her. Her mum spoke. “We know you have your friends and your community up in Balbuinidh. But you are on your own. We worry about you.”

“What are you saying?”

“We’re switching it up, darling,” her dad said. “You can do the same. Get out there, my love. You’ve done it before.”

“I went on a two-month road trip around the country this year.” Her voice came out a lot harsher than she meant it to. This was hitting a nerve. “I don’t need to go out all the time to prove that I’m living my best life.”

“That’s not what we meant,” her dad said, shaking his head.

Her mum’s eyes were kind. “We just want you to be happy, Anna. Enjoy your life.”

Anna took a deep breath. Being snarky at her parents was out of order. “I’m sorry. I’ve been struggling with some stuff recently. It’s not an excuse, I know.”

“What with?”

Anna grimaced. She couldn’t tell them about her and Hayley. It was too personal. Too raw.

“Oh honey.” Her mum stood and gave her another cuddle. “You look so sad.”

In her mum’s arms, Anna wanted to crumble. Instead, she pulled back, leaning away from her.

“Is it about Hayley?”

Anna furrowed her brow.

Her mum glanced at her dad before looking back at her. She tilted her head and her features softened. “From the short amount of time we got to spend with Hayley we both really liked her.”

“Why did you think this was about her?”

“Because we’ve never seen you so happy and relaxed. You were full of life. You were glowing.”

Anna raised an eyebrow and took a breath. It felt like a good, deep, and cleansing sort of breath. “Was I?” Her curiosity was piqued.

Her mum nodded. “It was good to see you like that again. It’s been far too long. It was like seeing the girl you were when you were a child, before you changed as a teenager.”

Anna was speechless. Her teenage years had been hard. She became highly anxious, withdrawn and prone to bouts of depression, in stark contrast to her happy, outgoing and carefree personality as a child. Not knowing she was gay was a painful way to experience her adolescence, she’d come to realise. Forcing herself into believing she was attracted to boys was dissociating and confusing.

Her mum continued. “And you’ve been down ever since Hayley left. Not unlike the last time. If there’s something going on between you two, we couldn’t be happier. She was so happy to see your childhood photos. What a nice and genuine girl. I think she’s good for you if she can bring out that side of you again. She clearly balances out your, you know, rigidity.”

Anna’s mouth fell open. Was she that bad?

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