Page 20 of Closer than Ever

“You’ll love it. I’ve seen you lovingly craft the inside of that camper. It makes sense you should get to enjoy it, too.”

Anna shook her head, a small smile creeping onto her lips. “I’ll think about it. That’s all I can give you right now.”

Hayley sat back with a cocky and satisfied grin that made her look even hotter. What was Anna doing even entertaining this idea?

Four

May 2013

Hayley danced in front of Anna in the middle of their student flat, all bright eyes and cheekbones. She had a daisy chain around her head and had styled her hair poker straight for the evening. A tie-dyed t-shirt tied at her slender waist completed the look for their hippie party. Hayley was so beautiful Anna could hardly look at her.

Pink Floyd boomed out of the speakers by the window. She’d never seen so many people in the flat at one time. Everyone was here, including loads of Hayley’s friends from the International Exchange programme.

A new song came on. Their song. Hayley started singing to Anna, “Don’t worry, about a thing.” She held Anna’s hands and squeezed them, looking directly into her eyes, still dancing, “Cause every little thing, gonna be alright.”

Anna held her breath. Hayley kept singing and swaying, giving her a heartfelt rendition of the song that they both knew had a deeper meaning between them. This was Hayley’s go to song whenever Anna was struggling with something. It was their thing. Hayley knew all about her trouble with anxiety and was good at calming her down. It was like she saw into Anna’s very soul.

This was too much. Anna removed her hands from Hayley’s soft hold and looked away. A couple were kissing right next to them. Really going for it. What Anna wouldn’t give to be able to do that with Hayley right now, to finally act on this thing between them. Anna shifted from one foot to the other, trying to dance but feeling all her feelings and not being able to.

Anna glanced between the impassioned couple and Hayley. Hayley did too, and the look in her eyes was like she was thinking about kissing too.

Anna’s heart lurched. Of course she wasn’t thinking that. Anna had to get away. She stepped aside and went to her room, passing friends in the hallway and keeping her head down. Her heart felt heavy and sad.

There were random people in her room smoking a joint. She didn’t have the energy to ask them to open the window. She sat down on the floor resting against her bed. Hayley was all she could see when she closed her eyes. Hayley was all she could ever see. This crush had become like an obsession. It was eating her up inside. Why was she doing this to herself?

“Hey dude, what’s up with you? You’ve been in here for ages?” Hayley said, wobbling slightly on her feet and nearly tripping over her flares. She smiled. Even when drunk she was still dazzling.

“I’m fine, just taking a breather.”

“Hurry up. I’m missing you out here. I need my wingman.”

Gah. Anna could hardly bear this any more. “Five minutes.”

“Make it two.” Hayley flashed her another dazzling smile and left the room.

This was torture. Painful. Having feelings for your straight best friend who you lived with and who was going home to another country soon was a fucking nightmare. Escaping this was the only thing to do. “Hey. Can I have some of that?”

The guy and girl hanging out in the corner of her bedroom looked up and nodded easily. The guy extended his arm with the little joint between his fingers. “Sure. You look like you need it.”

***

Present day

Anna turned off the shower and willed herself to stop thinking about the past, to stop torturing herself with memories of pining for Hayley and how painful it had been. Nothing good could come of dredging up those old feelings, even if Hayley was now into women, because Anna did not want to go back there. If she went on this trip with Hayley she’d likely end up back in that same painful state she was that night Hayley had put flowers in their hair and had sung to her.

Anna had to get to work. Hayley was still fast asleep on the sofa bed. She quietly got her things ready in the kitchen and poured a glass of water. Hayley had refused Anna’s bedroom so far, but she was going to have to insist on it soon. Creeping around the house in the morning while trying not to creep on her friend was no good. It was Anna who had invited Hayley to stay once she got to Scotland, after all, so she only had herself to blame for this.

Before she knew it, she was watching Hayley sleep. Hayley was such a comfortable sleeper. Her body could relax in any position and just rest. Anna was the opposite. She had to follow her diligent night-time routine, and she had to have her bed just how she liked it, and even then it often still took her a while to get comfortable and fall sleep. She took a deep breath. Seeing Hayley sleeping had always made Anna feel calmer, and it still did, apparently.

Hayley stirred and opened her eyes. Anna opened the cupboard and got out some cereal, desperately hoping she hadn’t been caught staring.

“Good morning,” Hayley spoke softly. “Sorry, I need to get a handle on this new time zone.” She sat up, bringing the covers with her.

“Good morning. Or you could just take my bed and I can make a noisy coffee in here in the morning?”

“Okay. I’ll switch beds with you tonight.”

Anna picked up her bag and made to leave, deciding against breakfast. “So, will I see you at the distillery later?”

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