Page 84 of Closer than Ever

“I think we both know that’ll ruin our chances of getting anywhere on time. You go first.”

“Okay.” Hayley smiled. “I’ll try to be quick.”

Naked, Hayley glided around the room getting her toiletries and things out of her bag. Anna watched on, admiring how confident in her body Hayley was and how beautiful. To think they were fucking each other was still hard to get her head around. To think it felt like so much more than just sex was too scary to deal with.

Hayley popped a chocolate in her mouth, and then another.

“Hey, leave me some.”

“I can’t promise anything.” Hayley flashed her a grin and disappeared into the bathroom.

Anna pulled her clothes back on and sat on a chair by the window, looking out towards the sea. She tucked her knees up to her chest and hugged them, listening to the shower and admiring the view. The hotel room was so nice. It was the perfect place to have this experience.

Anna could still feel Hayley even though she was in the next room. Her soft touch still lingered on her skin. Her taste remained deliciously in her mouth. Her spirit seemed constantly in dialogue with hers. Anna’s entire being felt changed, like it would never be the same again after this. Being in love with her ten years ago was like being trapped inside a muted painting whereas this was like walking together hand in hand among a wildflower meadow in full bloom. The past had no claim on them any more. They were free.

Fourteen

The candle on the table flickered between them over dinner. Anna sipped her wine while listening to Hayley’s stories about living in Brooklyn and working in Manhattan. Sometimes she just liked to listen to Hayley talk about her life. It was funny because a lot of the time Anna forgot Hayley was from a different country, but maybe that was because Hayley was so enthusiastic about everything, it never felt like she was more invested somewhere else. Hayley made Anna feel special. But maybe Hayley made everyone feel that way. She did have a ton of friends and people fawning over her all the time. It was easy to love Hayley and, from Anna’s understanding, a lot of people did.

Hayley leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. Her hair fell around her face. She couldn’t have looked more beautiful tonight. “Don’t get me wrong, I loved living there. I did. And even the job for a while. But you know me, I’m always on the lookout for the next challenge. I don’t want to stay still for too long.”

“Uh-huh.”

“There’s so much going on in the world, you know. Things to see. New things to learn. It makes me crazy.”

“How do you mean?”

“I feel like there’s not going to be enough time to do everything I want to do in one lifetime. There are so many careers I’ll never get to do. Places I’ll never visit. Languages I’ll never learn. So many people I’ll never meet. I already have a lot of great friends I don’t have enough time to see very often.”

That stung. Was Anna going to be put in that camp again soon? She’d already spent ten years there and knew exactly what it felt like.

Hayley continued. “To be honest, it stresses me out when I really think about it.”

Everything Hayley had told her about her life in the last ten years and what she knew of her screamed of one thing. Hayley lived life intensely: long hours at the office, a full social life, going out for dinner all the time, drinks, a six in the morning workout club, deep diving into a new skill like graphic design, jetting off for weekend breaks every chance she could. Living life at that pace would be exhausting to Anna. “Do you ever stop and do nothing?”

Hayley sat back in her chair. “That depends on your definition of doing nothing. When I’m not working, I’m usually doing something, although I don’t like to have too much structure. I like to be more spontaneous, to keep my options open and to see where the wind takes me.”

“Be free.”

“Exactly.”

“Why do you think that is?”

Hayley studied her for a few moments. “In all honesty, I think it’s because I’m afraid of myself in some way, of being on my own for too long.”

“What are you afraid of, about yourself?”

“I don’t know. It’s just a feeling. I’m afraid of ever feeling bad and I’ll do anything to avoid that. So I sign up for things and get pulled in loads of different directions. I don’t know how to stop doing it.”

Anna was blown away by Hayley’s honesty and self-awareness. Hayley had never told her anything like this before. “I had no idea you felt that way.”

“There’s just something about you that makes me want to tell you things. Always has been.”

“I’m here for you. Always will be.”

Hayley smiled. God, she was so beautiful. “Same.”

“I wonder if it might reduce some of your stress to focus on one or two of your interests at a time. I know it seems basic, but it might help?”

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