“It’s just been a bit hard being back at work.”
“And having me around.”
“No. That’s not it.”
Hayley met Anna’s eyes. “You know, you never answered my question.”
“What question?”
“You asked me what we were now and I asked you what you wanted us to be.”
“Oh.”
“I said I would like us to be a couple. To give this a shot. Because that’s what I want. Seeing you again has only made my feelings grow. Long-distance doesn’t have to hold us back. Plenty of people do it. Who knows what the future holds?” Hayley picked up Anna’s hand. The sincerity in Hayley’s eyes made Anna’s breath hitch. “All I know is that I want to be with you, and I couldn’t be happier that I’m getting to know you in this way now. It feels like the missing piece of the puzzle and I love how we fit together.”
Anna sat very still. Part of her wanted to cling so tightly and never let go. But she was terrified of getting hurt again. Hayley had disappeared out of her life once before and Anna wasn’t convinced she wouldn’t do it again. Some wounds cut too deep. Her head hurt.
Hayley waited patiently. “Is that what you want?” she said, after a while.
“I’m not sure.”
Hayley froze. All the colour seemed to drain from her face.
Anna shifted around to face her directly. She stroked Hayley’s hand and rested her other hand on Hayley’s leg. The energy between them was strong and powerful. “I love that you feel that way. I feel the same. I have no intention of seeing anyone else but I’m not sure that making it official is going to solve anything.”
Hayley frowned. “Solve what?”
“You’re leaving.”
“I can come back. And you could come and visit me in different countries. You could fly out on the weekends or on your time off. It’s not far.”
Anna sighed. “It’s still the same issue.”
“We can work it out.”
“Can we? You have said countless times how you want the freedom to go wherever you want on this trip and in your future. You don’t even know where you’ll be in three months, for example.”
Hayley was quiet.
Anna continued. “Can’t we just enjoy what we have together right now?”
Hayley frowned. “That sounds like something I would say to someone I wasn’t into.”
“I am into you.”
“But not enough to be with me?”
Anna looked down at the picnic blanket. “You’re going away again.”
“Come with me. It could be just like the Scotland trip. Do you think you could get the time off work?” Hayley’s eyes were growing desperate.
As good as it sounded in theory, given more time together Anna would only fall more in love with Hayley which would result in a more catastrophically painful separation when Hayley moved back to the states. “I don’t think I can get more time off work unless I quit.”
“Then quit. I will take care of you. You wouldn’t have to worry about money.”
Anna couldn’t believe Hayley was suggesting she quit her job and become financially dependent on her. That she would even suggest something like that blew Anna’s mind. It was crazy and a terrible idea. Did Hayley really mean it? “I like my life here. I like it in Balbuinidh and at the distillery. And having my own money is obviously very important to me.”
“I wasn’t suggesting?” Hayley tucked some hair behind her ears.