Page 54 of Closer than Ever

Children, plural. Anna couldn’t believe it. She was gobsmacked. “So you think you will want to settle down one day with a partner and children?”

“What do you mean by settle?”

Anna pulled her head back, confused. Putting a child’s needs first was not something Anna thought Hayley would want. The complete change in lifestyle and the domesticity of it all didn’t fit Hayley’s love of glamorous city living or her desire for travel. Hayley had too many ideas about things she wanted to do and places she wanted to go. She wanted freedom above all else, didn’t she?

“Uh. Staying in one place. Getting them ready for school in the morning. Making lunches, cleaning up after them. Football training, piano lessons. Going to their friends’ birthday parties all the time. All that stuff you’d have to do when you have children, you know.”

“I want to do all of those things. I want a family. I want to be a parent. Well, apart from the cleaning up part. Who wants that, right? But I don’t think of it like one long chore. I don’t think it will be like that. I want to spend time with my children while they’re young and take them travelling with me, for example. I had a great childhood so the thought of getting to experience all that again appeals to me. Kids want to play and explore. I want to play and explore.” Hayley stopped and took a breath. “Look. I’m not saying I think it’d be all swing parks and lattes. My needs would have to take a back seat. I get that. It’s a huge responsibility and I know it’s about raising tiny humans to become healthy adults.” She shrugged. “The ultimate job, you might say.”

“Whoa.”

“You didn’t expect me to want kids?”

“No. Um. I mean, ages ago, you said you didn’t want them.”

“I was twenty-two. I’ve changed my mind.”

Anna nodded.

“I want a lot of different things now than when I was in my early twenties.”

Being attracted to women sprung to Anna’s mind first. Fuck, that was so exciting to think about, but Anna couldn’t let herself go there. The new information that Hayley would one day want children shook her perception of Hayley to the core in a massively good way. Anna could identify with that desire to start a family as well. It was what she’d always wanted. “That makes sense.”

“And I want to be deeply in love with the person I choose to have kids with. It has to be with someone I can depend on to navigate this messy world with, someone who wants to live a full life, someone who has the guts to create the life that they want.”

Anna absorbed Hayley’s comments and tried to process. The way Hayley spoke of her ideal family life stirred something inside Anna. It sounded expansive and fulfilling. Creative, almost. Again, exciting. Even if it was the same as everybody else on the outside, with Hayley it would be exciting because everything that Hayley did somehow became larger than life.

Hayley smiled, her usual spirit returning to her eyes. “A new adventure of its own, if you will.”

“I like the way you describe it.”

“Describe what?”

“Family. The future, I guess.”

“The future.” Hayley turned away from Anna and straddled the bench. She finished her beer, as if lost in thought. “Would you like another one?”

“Please.”

Hayley walked back towards the pub, taking their empty glasses with her. Anna watched her glide through the tables across the lawn. What else was she going to discover about Hayley on this trip?

Nine

January 2013

“Come on, come on! Get your ass up here!” A dancing Hayley pleaded and beckoned for her to join her up on the table.

“I’m not standing on that table, and you shouldn’t either. You’re drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk.”

The pub was packed. It was the early hours of the new year. There were people everywhere, dancing, drinking, sitting, standing, and falling over. Their friends were somewhere else in the pub, but where, Anna couldn’t be sure. She and Hayley were at a table by the window with an excellent view of the Edinburgh streets outside, also full of drunk people bringing in the new year. A new song came on, which delighted Hayley a lot given her cheers and hands in the air.

“This one’s my favourite!”

“I thought the last one was your favourite?”

“Get up here, hot stuff.”

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