Page 48 of Felix and the Spy

“I’m sorry about what he said that day,” she said. “Max didn’t mean to insult your…colleague. He was just worried about you.”

“I know.” He smiled at her before he stepped into Max’s bedroom. His son was sitting on the bed, reading a book. Upon watching him come in, he sat up.

“Father.” Max’s blond hair reminded him of Isabelle.

Felix moved closer to his son, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I wanted to talk to you about something. Is now a good time?”

Max nodded. “I wanted to apologize for what happened that day too. I didn’t mean to offend your…lover.” Felix knew Max hadn’t warmed up to the idea of him being with a woman who was the same age as his son. “I’m sorry about what happened.”

“It might be too late for that.” Felix sighed.

“Father, did she leave you?”

“I don’t know, Max. I haven’t seen her since that night.”

“What?” Max’s eyes widened. “Is it because of me?” Then, he shook his head. “It is, isn’t it? It’s because of what I said. Rina tells me I shouldn’t have called her names or made judgments on her character based on rumors, even if they were true. She’s been faithful to you, and that’s all that matters. I will apologize to her when I see her next.”

“You don’t appear convinced.”

“She’s so different from mother. I guess it’s hard to imagine you with somebody like that.”

Felix closed his eyes. Weeks ago, he’d have made the same judgment. He never thought he could be compatible with someone like Amara. Their personalities were entirely opposed. Yet, their desires were in harmony. “When you get to my age, you learn to look beneath the surface.”

He held his son’s hand in his, gazing into Max’s identical gray eyes. “Max, I loved your mother very much. Not a single day goes by when I don’t miss her. This house and everything in it preserves her memory.” He pointed to the furniture that he’d brought over from Inferno City.

“I know.”

“When Isabelle died, I resigned myself to my fate. You were still young, and I didn’t want you to deal with an unfamiliar environment, so I stayed where I was. I’ve been going on with my life, refusing to change anything. You’ve outgrown me, but I’m still stuck here, reliving the past.” He squeezed his son’s hand. It was time to tell him the truth. “You said you wanted me to move to Aquarine. I know you want me to be happy, and I appreciate your concern, but my life is here. I like working, and I’ve grown to like Sigilis. There are still a lot of things I still want to do. That’s why I’ve decided to stay here. This city has given me more than I could ever ask for.”It has given me her.“I think I’ll be fine here.”

“Is this because of her?”

“Maybe.”

“But father, you’re all alone. I know you like Amara right now, but what happens if you break up for good?” Max narrowed his eyes. “She’s so much younger than you. She’ll move on, but you might not. I’ve seen you grieve mother’s death for years. I don’t want you to go through that again.”

“I can’t guarantee the future, Max,” he confessed. “Maybe I will be all alone again after a few years. Who knows? I used to be so afraid of that, but not anymore. The grief passes. Everything does. I no longer want to make decisions based on my fears. I want to do what brings me joy. If I do that, the future will create itself.”

Max’s lips pressed together.

“Do you know how Amara and I met?” His son frowned and quietly shook his head. “She was my pen friend. I joined the City Friends program when I moved to Sigilis because I was so lonely. I’ve been writing to a war widow about my troubles for three years. She listened to me when nobody else did. I didn’t know the woman I was writing to was Amara until we met a few weeks ago. We were both shocked.” Max blinked. “She didn’t take advantage of me. On the contrary, she was looking for someone to share her feelings with, just like I was. When I found out the woman I’d been writing to was my subordinate, I tried to keep my distance. But it was so hard, knowing all that I know of her. I’m so glad she didn’t let me back away. If she hadn’t pushed me out of my comfort zone, I’d never have known all that I could be.” Felix’s throat tightened. “I like the person I become when I’m with her—bold, passionate, hopeful. Isn’t that what love is? Being with a person who helps you love yourself more? If I walk by her side, I think I will end up where I’m meant to be.”

“Father…” Max’s eyes misted. Felix threw his arms around his son and hugged him.

“I will always love your mother, no matter how much time passes. And I will always love you too, even when you don’t love me back. But I have so much more love to give, and nobody to give it to. I want to give it to Amara. She needs it. I want to see her grow with my love. I want to witness all the wonderful things she will do. That we will do together.”

His son blinked, his eyes a little glassy. “I’m sorry. I said you were using her to heal your pain. I didn’t know how deep your feelings ran.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “But you really need to stop butting into my business in the future. I’m the father here, Max. I know what I’m doing.”

“Understood.” Max nodded. Then, seconds later, “You said she left.”

Felix sighed. “I haven’t seen her in a week. I don’t know where she is.” He cupped his face in his palms. “I have a lot to make up for.”

“Then, go find her. Convince her to come back.” Max’s voice was strong. “You’re not giving up, are you? Not after everything you just said.”

“Do you really mean that?” Felix looked up at Max’s clear eyes gazing at him.

His voice was hoarse. “Yes. If she makes you happy, I think I can live with the thought of you being with a younger woman. Rina says I shouldn’t judge people based on their past. She even threatened to leave me. That made me rethink my actions. Perhaps I judged her too early. It’s just…It has been painful to watch you fester after mother’s death. You have been all alone, unable to share this grief with anyone. I realize I was selfish in wanting you to move in with me. I just didn’t know how to deal with your grief. I want you to move on so that I can move on too. All these years I remained single because I felt guilty about leaving you behind. But after meeting Rina, I knew I couldn’t stay in the past. That’s why I wanted you to sell the house and move away.”

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