Page 16 of Fling

‘Claire . . . yeah, it sounds young . . . and feminine. I like it,’ Emily said, typing it in. ‘And what do you want your password to be?’

‘Just use AbbaGold, all one word. Capital A and G,’ Tara said. It was the same password she used for everything. It was honestly a miracle nobody had ever stolen her identity.

Emily entered the details and was brought to a new page where more information was required. ‘Right, how old should we say you are?’ Emily asked cautiously.

‘Let’s say . . . thirty-three?’ Tara said in a high-pitched voice.

There was an awkward silence.

‘OK, fine, thirty-four,’ Tara said unconvincingly.

Emily gave Tara a disapproving look.

‘OK, FINE, I’M THIRTY-SEVEN! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?’

‘Let’s say thirty-five so you’re not a complete catfish,’ Emily said, typing it in.

Although Emily’s words were harsh, she wasn’t wrong. Tara couldn’t pass for thirty-three. At times, she felt she looked older than thirty-seven. The past few years had aged her terribly, like her body had abandoned its youth. And Colin had stopped seeing her as a sexual being due to the friction, or lack thereof, in their marriage. But she couldn’t lay all the blame on Colin either. Tara had begun to neglect even the most basic skincare routine. She even found it a monumental effort to wash her hair more than once a week.

Emily continued creating the profile. ‘OK, so let’s set your location to Dublin. For your body type let’s say slim. 5’7. Blonde hair. Don’t worry, I won’t mention the greys.’

‘WHAT?’ Tara said mortified. There was no way she had greys, it had only been two weeks since she had got her colour done. Tara was a natural redhead but dyed it light ash blonde every six weeks, without fail. She wanted champagne blond but her stylist told her she needed the ash to tone down the natural red and prevent it from looking too brassy. Her decision to dye it from red to blonde came about several years prior when Celine said to Tara, ‘You’re so pretty . . . for a ginger.’ The backhanded compliment had got under Tara’s skin and sown the seeds of self-doubt. She hated that Celine lived in her head rent-free, but nevertheless her hair had been ashy blonde ever since.

But now Emily was saying she had greys? Impossible. She scurried over to the mirror in her office and saw what Emily was talking about. It was a clump of dry shampoo that Tara hadn’t rubbed into her hair properly. ‘Oh thank God,’ Tara said, blending it in with her fingertips. ‘It’s not grey hairs, it’s powder. No offence to diamonds but dry shampoo is a girl’s best friend.’

‘Not when it makes you look like a banshee,’ Emily muttered.

‘I forgot how brutally honest you can be,’ Tara said, rubbing the last of the powder out.

‘I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me . . . acquire some taste.’ Emily smiled. ‘OK, that’s that section done. Next up you need to describe yourself with five keywords.’

‘Hmm . . . does it give a list of options?’

‘Yes, but I’m not calling them all out. You describe yourself and I’ll pick them if they’re listed here.’

‘OK, let’s see,’ Tara pondered. ‘Well . . . I’m caring. My career is important to me so you could say I’m ambitious. Erm . . . I feel like what you see is what you get with me . . . So maybe I’m . . . genuine? Oh, and passionate! Definitely say passionate! And let’s see . . . Oh God, I can’t think of a fifth one.’

‘I have caring, ambitious, genuine, passionate and . . . let’s also say creative.’

‘Aw thanks, Emily,’ Tara said, chuffed.

‘Now I need five keywords you find attractive in a man.’

‘Oh, now this should be easy,’ Tara said. ‘Confidence is definitely number one. Good sense of humour also very important. Intelligence is a must. And I like a man who isn’t afraid to assert himself, you know? And let me see what else . . . Oh, and loyal!’

‘Loyal isn’t listed here as an option,’ Emily said.

‘Why not?’

‘I don’t know, Tara, maybe because it’s an infidelity app?’

‘Good point,’ Tara laughed. ‘OK, then say . . . ’

‘Hung?’

‘No, Emily! That’s the last thing on my mind. Put down sociable. I like when a man is good with people.’

‘Confident, good sense of humour, intelligent, assertive and sociable. Got it,’ Emily said as she submitted the keywords. ‘So now all we are missing is your bio. And it says here that your bio should say what you’re looking for.’

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