Page 20 of Fling

Rory let out an ostentatious sign. ‘You know . . . it’s probably for the best. You’re not exactly the type of man a woman would want an affair with anyway.’

‘I know what you’re doing. Trying to bait me into asking what you mean by that,’ Colin said.

‘You know I am a master baiter, Colin . . .’

‘Ugh, fine. I’ll bite. Why would a woman not want an affair with me, exactly?’

‘Well, you’re . . . God, I can’t even say the word. You know I hate political correctness man but this word is just too offensive to say out loud,’ Rory said, pretending the word was making him gag.

‘I’m a big boy,’ Colin said, rolling his eyes.

‘You’ve become . . . you’ve become . . .’

‘Spit it out!’

‘HARMLESS!’ Rory yelled, finally getting the word out.

‘Oh for God’s sake, that’s not the worst thing a man can be,’ Colin said.

‘Oh yes it is, Col. Go into any bookstore, walk towards the female erotica section and try to find a book titled Seduced by the Harmless Man. Spoiler alert, no such book exists. Because being harmless is the least sexy thing a man can be,’ Rory explained.

‘So what, I should try to be . . . harmful? Give me a break,’ Colin said, brushing him off.

‘The opposite of harmless isn’t harmful, it’s dangerous,’ Rory explained. ‘I’m a Scorpio, so women are naturally drawn to my inner shadow.’

‘Oh don’t tell me you believe in horoscopes too?’ Colin said.

‘Of course I don’t. But women do. And we’re talking about what women want. Col, I’m about to do something I’ve never done before.’

‘Your job?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Rory said. ‘I’m about to give you some tough love. When I was eleven and you were nineteen, I used to think you were the coolest person to ever exist. You used to ride a Triumph Bonneville motorcycle for God’s sake. You looked like a sex god! Now you drive a Nissan Qashqai. You went from man to mouse in just a few years. I wanted to grow up so fast so I could be just like you. Now I’m afraid to grow up in case I become like you. It breaks my heart to say that but I think you need to hear it.’

Rory had a reputation for having no filter but this was the first time his words had had an effect on Colin. Because he was right. Colin used to be a rebellious non-conformist who answered to nobody. Now he worked a boring office job at an accountancy firm and came home to an unhappy marriage devoid of desire. Colin knew exactly why Rory’s words cut so deep – the truth hurts.

‘Download it,’ Colin said, holding out his phone.

‘Thatta boy!’ Rory said, full of zeal. He had the app downloaded and opened in about five seconds, clearly a pro at online dating. Colin looked over Rory’s shoulder as he opened the app.

WELCOME TO FLING, the app homepage read.

CLICK TO SIGN UP.

Rory clicked the button and started speeding through the sign-up process. ‘Turn on notifications. Yes, obviously. List of rules, ugh boring. Let’s see, number one, don’t use your real name. Number two, no face pics. Number three, meet in a public place to see if you want to hook up. Got it. Number four, be honest about what you want. OK, boring parts over.’

Colin definitely felt like Rory skimmed over the rules too quickly, but he got the gist of them.

‘OK, first things first, pick a fake name,’ Rory said.

‘I don’t know. Something masculine,’ Colin pondered.

‘Max!’

‘No, makes me sound like a Labrador. What about Kyle?’

‘No, makes you sound like a skateboarder. I mean, I would let you use Rory but you just don’t have the raw animal magnetism to pull it off,’ Rory said.

‘Thanks for the vote of confidence. I know! JACK! It’s manly but also not too fake either,’ Colin said, happy with his choice.

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