Page 33 of Fling

‘Either way, I’m just glad you’re finally letting Colin Junior out on an adventure! He’s still alive down there!’ Rory crouched down and began trying to whack Colin in the crotch. Colin tried to block Rory’s attack while playfully trying to whack him in his own crotch.

While the two were engaged in their boyish tomfoolery, Karen from HR walked past the window and caught a glimpse of what was happening. She let out a gasp and immediately opened the door.

‘What is this? I smell horseplay!’ Karen snapped. She was a short stout woman who had an asymmetric blond bob with unblended tiger-stripe highlights, a side-swept fringe and a spiky cut at the back.

‘No horseplay at all Karen. Although I am hung like a horse if that’s what you’re asking,’ Rory said, winding her up – his favourite pastime.

‘Not a word out of you, Mr McKenna!’ Karen yelled.

‘Karen, I apologize on Rory’s behalf,’ Colin said before Rory could dig a bigger hole for himself. ‘It’s just a misunderstanding. I’ll keep him in check.’

‘Lickarse,’ Rory coughed.

‘JUST BEHAVE!’ Karen said, slamming the door behind her as she stormed out.

‘You see what I’m always saying, Colin. She’s like the PC police. She’s trying to take horseplay away from us!’

‘You’re lucky your surname is written on the front of the building – at least you can’t be fired,’ Colin said.

‘Anyway, back to your midnight mistress,’ Rory said. ‘What does she look like? Let’s see some pics.’

‘We . . . haven’t actually seen each other yet.’

‘Yikes, you better be careful you’re not getting catfished, man. She could be some ugly old hermit.’

‘Hey, don’t call her ugly,’ Colin said, defending her honour.

‘Fine, she could be . . . aesthetically challenged then. What if she’s tricking you into liking her? Even I’ve been catfished, man. This one girl was a ten online but only a six when I met her in person.’

‘Imagine how she felt when you told her ten inches online but only had six in person.’

‘Joke all you want, Col, but I’m just trying to protect my boy from getting hurt,’ Rory said, briefly revealing an inner tenderness.

‘I appreciate it but there’s no need to worry. We’re exchanging pics tonight. But just bodies because face pics are against the rules. That’s where I need your help. I’ve never taken a photo of my body in my life. What should I do?’ Colin said. He barely used the camera on his phone for anything, let alone taking sexy self-portraits.

‘You’ve come to the guru for this kind of thing, Colin. So here’s how to make your body look good in photos. The first thing you do is put your right leg out . . .’ Rory said, putting out his right leg.

Colin mimicked his movement.

‘. . . then you pivot your body towards the door . . .’ he continued.

Colin did the same, expecting that this would frame his body is some kind of way. ‘OK, now what?’

‘. . . and then you go to the gym, you fat bastard,’ Rory said, collapsing into laughter.

‘Oh for God’s sake, I’m being serious, Rory. I need help!’ Colin said, frustrated.

‘You should have seen your face,’ Rory said, still laughing. ‘But I’m actually being serious. Grab your jacket, we’re going to the gym across the road.’

‘I can’t just leave right now, I have too much on my plate,’ Colin said, making excuses.

‘Yeah, that’s exactly the problem,’ Rory said, pointing at Colin’s midsection.

‘You’re hilarious,’ Colin said, unimpressed. ‘I don’t even have any gym gear.’

‘You can use my spare gear. Plus, I’m your boss and it’s an order.’

‘But I really need—’

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