Page 41 of Fling

‘It’s Don’t Worry, Be Happy!’ Tara said, letting her frustration show a bit too much. She took a breath and readjusted herself. ‘Just wanted to make the kitchen a bit cosier. You know, seeing as it’s where I belong.’

‘I should actually put my vintage beer signs up in my man cave,’ Colin said, ignoring her dig.

Tara nearly choked. ‘I’m sorry, your . . . what?’

‘Man cave. Seeing as the couch is where I belong, that’s the room’s new name.’

‘Is that like a working title? Because last time I checked it was called the living room,’ Tara said, rolling her eyes.

‘I think my pub signs are in the shed actually . . . I must go out and get them,’ Colin said, knowing well that Tara hated his collection. When they had first moved into the house, Tara had forbidden them, just as Colin forbade tacky kitchen quotes. At the time, they had compromised and agreed to only hang wall art with no text on it. But now, Tara had broken the truce so Colin was ready to fight fire with fire.

‘Great, why don’t you clean the shed while you’re out there?’ Tara suggested.

‘I think I’ll focus on redecorating the living room first,’ Colin said smugly.

‘Well, let’s hope you don’t die in there from bad taste.’

‘That would be ironic.’

‘What would?’

‘Dying in the living room,’ Colin replied, taking another gulp of beer. ‘I have to say the couch is incredibly comfortable. I had one of the best night’s sleep in years.’

‘That’s so funny, I was about to say the exact same thing. I woke up so recharged. I had forgotten what it was like to sleep in a room without constant snoring,’ Tara said, adding a fake laugh for an extra touch.

‘It’s nice to wake up on the right side of the bed for a change, isn’t it?’

‘Finally, something we both agree on. Then again, you know what they say. If a man agrees with you, you’ve probably said something stupid.’

‘I couldn’t agree more . . . babe.’

Tara had many pet peeves but at the very top of the list was being called ‘babe’. Colin knew that and she knew that he knew. She resisted every urge within her to scream. She refused to give him the satisfaction. Thankfully, Colin had a pet name he despised as well.

‘Glad to hear it . . . honeybun,’ Tara said, intently locking eyes with him.

Colin had to use every bit of his willpower not to wince. He returned Tara’s intense gaze. He felt as if he was in a spaghetti western, engaged in a pistols-at-dawn-style stand-off with his own wife.

Tara knew that their tit-for-tat farce would only lead them in circles, so she took out her phone to appear uninterested. She opened Fling to see if Jack was online. Even though his green light wasn’t on, she decided to send him a text to build some anticipation, almost like foreplay before the main event that night.

Claire: Excited to show you some pics tonight x

Tara put her phone down and took a big sip of wine, feeling satisfied with herself. She loved that Colin had no idea that she had taken erotic photos for another man and was now texting him in plain sight.

Colin felt his phone vibrate silently in his pocket. He took it out and read the message from Claire. He felt his heart rate increase. He loved the danger of texting Claire while his wife was in the room. He was living a double life right under her nose and the rush was intoxicating. He began to type his reply, hiding the phone under the table, just out of Tara’s view.

Jack: It’s all I’ve been thinking about all day. I took some for you too

Tara looked back down at her phone and saw Jack’s message. She began to laugh audibly in a girlish way to irritate Colin. She wanted to make it clear she had checked out of their dinner conversation. She began to reply to Jack.

Claire: Can’t wait to show you x My husband is driving me up the wall!

Jack: I feel your pain! But living a double life with you is keeping me going

Claire: Same time tonight? x

Jack: 11.11. I’ll be there

Claire: Chat then x

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