Page 54 of Fling

‘You don’t have to read my mind, Colin. You have to read my body. I’m an open book.’

‘I’d have a better chance at understanding Ulysses! There’s no rhyme or reason for women being so complex,’ Colin sighed.

‘It’s not some big mystery, Colin. We need to feel desired and appreciated. And a bit of spontaneity goes a long way.’

‘Well, you need to tell me what you want so I can plan something spontaneous in advance.’

‘That defeats the whole purpose! It has to come from you. Even simple things like buying me flowers.’

‘I’m allergic to pollen!’

‘Well, I’m allergic to excuses. You used to always buy me flowers for our anniversary. A bouquet once a year wouldn’t kill you. But now you’re so cheap you won’t even pay attention to me. And then you whine about how stingy your father used to be when you’re exactly the same! Make it make sense!’

‘Do not compare me to my father,’ Colin said sternly. ‘You know, Tara, you really don’t know how good you have it. So many men go out and drink their money or gamble it away or put it straight up their nose. I put my money away so our children would never be disappointed on Christmas morning. A little appreciation would be nice. And let’s not forget that I’m the one who paid for IVF.’

‘I do appreciate all that, Colin. I just need to feel like you care. Any kind of gesture to make me feel desired. You have to admit you stopped seeing me in a sexual manner as soon we started trying for a child,’ Tara said.

‘Oh, that’s not true.’

‘Isn’t it? The moment we started trying it was like you were racing to the finish line as soon as possible. You just completely forgot that I was having sex too! Honestly, I would have had more fun using a turkey baster trying to get pregnant.’

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t turned on by all the talk about ovulation and hormones and menstrual cycles . . .’ Colin babbled.

‘Oh, have a bit of empathy, Colin. You know, just once I wish men could menstruate! Admit it. When you started seeing me as the mother of your potential children, you stopped caring about pleasuring me,’ Tara said matter-of-factly.

‘That is actually quite common,’ Dr Burke interjected. ‘Freud called it the Madonna–Whore Complex. It is when men either see women as virginal mothers for procreation or fallen women for pleasure. It is an outdated view of female sexuality, but many men still view women in this binary. A lot of men even cite it as the reason they seek extra-marital affairs. They want the Wife and the Other Woman.’

Colin knew that Dr Burke had a point. Maybe he did have the complex she described. Maybe that’s why he had joined Fling. It just seemed as if Tara had no desire to be taken the way he wanted to take her. With Claire, he could always feel her desire radiating through his phone. She was just as turned on by their rendezvous as he was. They both felt a mutual lust, bound by shared sin. Maybe it was because it was so wrong that it felt so right. Maybe guilt made sex that little bit more appealing. Maybe he was a good Catholic after all.

‘OK, I hear what you’re saying,’ Colin said. ‘But Tara, you always said that I was “husband material” not “one-night-stand material”. I think women divide men in that way too. Why is there no complex for women?’

‘I thought you said women were already too complex?’ Tara said, raising an eyebrow.

‘I see your point, Colin,’ Dr Burke said. ‘But if both of you are seeing each other in this desexualized manner, it begs the question of whether or not either of you have been unfaithful . . .’

The room immediately fell silent.

Colin felt his pulse begin to race. He hadn’t actually gone through with the affair, so technically, he had nothing to hide. But he had to choose his words carefully. If his nostrils started flaring, Tara would get suspicious.

‘I’ve never slept with anyone other than my wife,’ Colin finally said.

‘And I’ve only ever had sex with my husband,’ Tara added.

‘That’s great. But I’m assuming there have been instances of temptation for you both?’ Dr Burke pried.

‘Well, fantasizing about other people isn’t cheating,’ Colin said.

‘No, but it could lead to wanting that fantasy to become a reality. Love is to have and desire is to want. That is why marriage takes effort. It’s difficult to desire what you already have. Desire is fuelled by the forbidden,’ Dr Burke explained.

‘But then how do we do we get back the chemistry we used to have?’ Tara asked.

‘Well, when we talk about chemistry between two people, we’re actually talking about the chemicals released in the brain,’ Dr Burke began. ‘When we experience sexual attraction, our body releases hormones: testosterone or oestrogen. This fuels our sex drives in a feeling we commonly call lust. When that attraction grows into something more, the brain releases the hormone dopamine. What we consider romantic love is really just a chemical fix of dopamine you receive from someone. But of course, this fix isn’t infinite and once the so-called honeymoon phase ends, dopamine levels start to drop and it’s replaced with what’s called oxytocin. This chemical is what causes a bond between two people, feelings of closeness, belonging. Oxytocin is wonderful but nothing beats the kick of dopamine. The question is if two people can return to the honeymoon phase and experience that initial rush of first love again. I have developed a strategy that helps with this. It’s all outlined in my book Romanticizing Romance.’

Colin rolled his eyes again. He just knew Tara would buy this book too. They needed advice, not a reading list. ‘Feel free to spoil the ending on us,’ he said sarcastically.

‘Romanticism is the perception of life the way it ought to be, not the way it is. To see life in soft focus, through rose-tinted glasses. When you first arrived in my office, you were both very eager to point out the other person’s flaws instead of their virtues. My point is that you both have a choice in the way you look at your partner. Do you home in on their minor imperfections or do you celebrate the things that made you love them? Sometimes we need to take a trip to the past to revaluate our present and rediscover hope for the future. That’s what it means to romanticize romance,’ Dr Burke explained.

‘I think we can both do that,’ Tara said, smiling at Colin.

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