Page 57 of Fling

‘There’s no such thing as a man smell,’ Colin said, still rooting at the DVD player.

‘Oh trust me, there is.’

Colin was clearly struggling with setting up the machine. She knew that it was the perfect time to subtly give the room a woman’s touch while he was distracted. She took some scented candles from the kitchen and began placing them around the room. When all the candles were lit, the room suddenly had the perfect romantic atmosphere for date night.

But the smell of manliness still lingered. Colin was still rooting away behind the TV so she took out a new incense kit from the coffee table drawer. She had been saving it for a special occasion and now seemed like the perfect time. Colin probably wouldn’t even notice it. She set the kit up on the little wooden stand and lit an incense stick. She immediately loved the aroma. She was a sensual woman and she wanted all her senses to be stimulated as much as possible during their romantic evening.

‘Do you smell smoke?’ Colin asked, concerned.

Busted.

‘It’s not smoke . . . it’s just some incense,’ Tara said, trying to downplay it.

‘Oh for God’s sake, Tara. You know well incense irritates my nose,’ he sighed.

‘I read somewhere that incense can actually be good for sinus issues,’ Tara said, making it up as she went along. ‘I don’t see what the big issue is with having a nice smell in the room.’

‘It smells like a church.’

‘We’re about to watch our wedding, so it might help make it more immersive. It’ll be like we’re really there.’

‘It smells more like a funeral than a wedding. Put it out,’ Colin said as a final word.

‘Fine,’ Tara said, blowing out the incense stick and putting the kit away. She was disappointed, of course, but she knew she had pushed her luck. And now that Colin had got his way about the incense, he didn’t even notice the candles she had secretly lit. Celebrate the small victories, she told herself as she sipped her wine.

She looked around the room at the vintage beer signs now littering her walls.

‘GUINNESS FOR STRENGTH’, the one nearest to her read. She desperately tried to ignore them. Don’t mention them, don’t mention them, don’t mention them, she repeated to herself.

‘I see the beer signs are still up,’ she inevitably said.

‘They sure are,’ Colin said. ‘Is that a problem?’

‘No, it’s fine,’ Tara said, biting her tongue. Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. ‘I just think it’s funny how—’

‘Nope! Don’t even start with your “I just think it’s funny how” crap. We’re having a nice evening, remember? And anyway, you’re always saying how much you believe in signs,’ Colin slagged her.

‘I mean signs from above, not signs from the pub,’ she said, rolling her eyes.

‘You never know, pub signs could have a deeper meaning,’ he said.

‘Do you remember that old Guinness ad that said a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle? You should get that sign,’ she said playfully.

‘Women need men to connect the DVD player to the TV to watch their wedding video, don’t they?’ Colin joked.

‘OK, I’ll give you that one. But you’d want to get a bloody move on,’ she said, impatiently.

‘It should be on HDMI one, I don’t know why it’s not showing up.’

‘It would probably work if you paid the TV licence inspector, instead of hiding behind the couch every time he comes around. It’s not even that expensive.’

‘It’s not about the price, it’s about the principle! You don’t drive a TV. Anyway, this has nothing to do with having a TV licence, it’s about finding the right input.’

‘I’m telling you, Colin, he saw you hiding behind the couch and probably turned off our HDMI.’

‘That couldn’t possibly make any less sense.’

Tara grabbed the remote and pressed the source button. The TV changed to HDMI 2 and the menu for their wedding video suddenly appeared on the screen. Colin’s face dropped.

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