Page 68 of Fling

‘What is this? A colonoscopy?’

‘Think of it more as a Colinoscopy. It’s all about what makes you, you,’ Tara grinned.

‘Well, better to have Uranus in Cancer than Cancer in Uranus,’ Colin smirked. ‘You know, it’s too bad you didn’t marry the Zodiac Killer, babe. He would have loved all this stuff. I bet he was a Gemini.’

Colin put his feet directly up on top of the coffee table, something he was sure would get a vocal reaction. Tara still didn’t react. She refused to. She needed him to be the one to snap.

‘Do you not get bored watching the ball go back and forth?’ she asked, looking at the match on the screen.

‘That’s not what football is about. It’s about strategy. It’s about outwitting the other team.’

‘I think Liverpool will win.’

‘ARE YOU JOKING?’ Colin yelled, a die-hard Manchester fan since he was five.

Tara knew that asking stupid questions during a match was Colin’s biggest pet peeve and she had finally got a more vocal reaction out of him. She was on to something. Thankfully, Emily had suggested just the question that she knew would infuriate him.

‘Colin,’ Tara said softly as she moved closer to him. ‘I have to ask you something.’

‘What?’ Colin said, still watching the match.

‘It’s important, Colin!’ she said, trying to get his undivided attention.

‘OK, OK, what is it?’ Colin said, turning to her.

‘Would you still love me if I was a worm?’ Tara said, her tone deadly serious. A part of her wanted to laugh but she couldn’t break character now. She had to commit to the question.

‘Excuse me?’ Colin said, thinking he had surely misheard her.

‘Like if I turned into a worm, would you still love me?’ Tara said.

‘What kind of a stupid question is that?’

‘It’s not a stupid question, Colin. It’s a very important question.’

‘How on earth is that important?’

‘Because if I turn into a worm someday, I want to know if you’re just going to get up and leave me!’ Tara said, pretending to be hysterical.

‘Why would you turn into a worm?’ Colin said, getting visibly more irritated that the match was being ruined on him.

‘Just answer the question, Colin!’ she said, now in full-swing histrionics.

‘Dear Jesus, if you were a worm, I wouldn’t know it was you, so I would probably squash you by accident.’

‘No, you would know it was me,’ Tara said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

‘How on earth would I know it was you?’

‘I’d still be able to talk.’

‘Then . . . no,’ Colin said, now calm and collected.

‘No, what?’

‘No, I wouldn’t still love you if you were a worm. Because if you could talk, you’d spend all day asking me stupid questions while I tried to watch the match,’ Colin said matter-of-factly.

‘Wow . . . and here I was thinking you were loyal,’ she said, pretending to be hurt. ‘So you’d just throw me in the bin, would you?’

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