Page 92 of Fling

‘Coming right up,’ Tom said, opening a bottle and pouring it into a glass. ‘You know, the regulars still say that you pulled the best pint of Guinness back in the day.’

‘Glad to hear my legacy lives on. I used to love working here Tom. I think about the laughs we used to have all the time. I’m so glad you haven’t changed the place one bit.’

‘I’ve been asked by some people to take down some of the more outdated signs, but I refuse. This one is my favourite,’ Tom said, pointing at a sign above the bar that read ‘GUINNESS FOR STRENGTH’.

‘My husband has that same sign hanging in our living room,’ she said. Tara looked around the pub and saw that all of the signs Colin owned were also hanging in O’Malley’s. ‘God, that’s a weird coincidence. Colin has all of these signs, actually.’

‘Well, he certainly has a keen eye – lots of these are very rare. Not easy to track down. I’m just going to change a keg, my darling. Back in a minute,’ Tom said, heading into the back room.

As she sat alone at the bar, Tara began to think back to the first time she met Colin, in this very spot.

November 11th. She hadn’t even seen him walk into the bar, she had been busy restocking shelves. Then she had heard a voice behind her ordering a Guinness and when she turned around, there he was. It was the first time Tara had ever experienced a synchronicity. But she hadn’t been confused by the feeling, she had known exactly what was happening. She knew in that very moment he was The One.

He had been so cheeky back then, complaining about the Guinness, knowing well it would send her into a long-winded rant.

‘What time are you finished your shift?’ Colin had then asked her.

‘What business is that of yours?’ she had replied.

‘Just wondering if you’ll be too tired for another shift after this one,’ Colin had said, playfully.

She had told him that he was a complete and utter chancer and that he shouldn’t wait for her under any circumstances. But of course, as soon as she left O Malley’s that night, there he was, sitting waiting on that motorbike with a cigarette in his mouth.

‘You waited,’ she had said in pure shock.

‘Of course I did, you told me not to,’ Colin had said, starting his engine. ‘Get on.’

‘There’s no way I’m getting on that feckin’ motorbike,’ Tara had told him.

‘Well, you can either get on now or spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you did,’ Colin had said back to her.

‘Of all the pubs in all the towns in all of Ireland, you had to walk into mine,’ she had told him as she climbed aboard.

As Tara sat in O’Malley’s now, she wondered, if she could live her life over, would she still get onto that motorcycle? What would her life have been like if she never did? If she hadn’t got on, she wouldn’t have experienced the best years of her life. But she also felt wounded by the fact that she had given the best years of her life to a man who stopped loving her somewhere along the line. Was it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved? Was it better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all?

There was a part of her that felt incredibly jealous. Colin had found a new flower to garden. Were her roots younger? Her petals prettier? Could she bear fruit unlike Tara? She desperately wanted to know what this woman had that she didn’t. But she also knew she had no right to judge Colin. She knew exactly what motivated a person to cheat.

It was the desire to feel alive.

Colin had been right. If she hadn’t got on the back of that motorbike, she would have spent the rest of her life wondering what would have happened if she had. But now she was afraid that if she didn’t meet Jack, she would forever wonder what she missed out on. Even though she would always love Colin, now it was Jack’s motorcycle she wanted to climb aboard. Just like back then, her rationality was telling her not to do something so reckless, but something deep within beckoned her to risk it all. It felt like a new adventure, a fresh start, the enticing smell of a new book.

But she found herself tormented by so many unanswered questions. Where had Jack gone? Would he ever respond to her? Would his green light ever illuminate again? She had tried several times to delete Fling but she couldn’t bring herself to do it this time. She and Jack had too much unfinished business. His profile hadn’t been deleted, so there was still some hope. But that very same hope was torture. If he told her their online romance was over, she would accept it and move on. It was the silence that was killing her. She began to type yet another message into the abyss.

Claire: Jack, please talk to me . . .

You have no idea how much I need you right now x

Tara put her phone back in her bag as Tom returned from changing the keg.

‘So what’s this I hear about you courting my mother?’ she said, teasing him. ‘It seems you’ve become quite the tomcat in your old age.’

‘So that’s why you’re here. For a good old-fashioned shake down,’ Tom laughed.

‘Don’t worry Tom, you have my blessing. I haven’t seen her in this good form since my dad,’ Tara said, tipping her glass to him.

‘Oh, that’s music to my ears, Tara. It warms my heart to know I make her happy.’

‘You’re doing something right anyway. She’s acting younger than I am these days,’ Tara laughed.

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