Page 25 of Cover Up

It had been so, so long since he’d let someone touch him, and he’d been unsure he ever would again.

But Felix didn’t look at him like he was a thing—like some sort of wounded creature. He didn’t look at him like he was half a person or that he could only be loved and desired in spite of everything that happened to him.

Dei felt his control slipping further, and he gave Felix’s hand a single tug, smiling when the man came easily. They fell into each other, first sharing air as their noses nuzzled together, and then Dei turned his head just so, and their lips met.

His eyelid fell closed as he let himself feel the warmth of Felix’s kiss and the light, teasing touch of his tongue as his mouth opened. Dei met him motion for motion, his body heating up under Felix’s delicate, hesitant touch. He felt a strong, thick pulse of want between his legs, and it was that which scared the absolute shit out of him.

Yes, he was fine with Felix knowing that his body had been ravaged in so many ways. Yes, he fully believed that Felix would never, ever belittle him or make him feel like a freak. But he wasn’t ready. He desperately wanted to be, but the panic was taking over.

“I can’t,” he gasped, pulling back.

Felix looked absolutely devastated as he shuffled all the way against the arm of the love seat. “I’m s-sorry. I d-didn’t mean…I…,” he stuttered. “I’m…I…it…”

Dei could see Felix struggling to find his words and the crushing agony that came with not being able to. “No. Sugar, it’s not you. It’s not you.”

He reached for Felix, but the smaller man shook his head and put his arm up in defense. Dei curled back into himself and desperately wanted to stand up, but he wasn’t sure he could hold his own balance.

How had it gone from the only thing he’d wanted in a long time to a total train wreck?

“Felix,” he said very slowly.

Looking up with half-lidded eyes, Felix nodded. “I didn’t mean to push you. I’m so sorry.”

Dei curled his fingers into a fist and fought the urge to punch himself in the face. “It wasn’t you,” he said again. “Please believe me. I want you more than I can say, but I haven’t…not since my injury. I don’t know how to do this anymore, and I can’t fuck it up. Not with you.”

Felix took a breath, then met Dei’s gaze. “Okay.”

It felt like everything around them—time, the world, the universe—all stopped moving. “Okay?”

Felix nodded. “I believe you. It’s not me.”

Could it possibly be that easy? No games? No passive aggression?

“Dei?”

He took a breath. “I need time,” he blurted.

“Okay…”

“But I don’t want you to waste your life waiting on me.”

At that, Felix burst into laughter, covering his face with one hand. “Right. Because of all these guys lined up around the block to get into the pants of the crazy guy who sometimes can’t talk and will never remember their faces and has seizures where he pisses his pants?”

Dei swallowed heavily and gave in to his desire to touch Felix. He kept it careful, his fingers resting over his thigh, but it was enough to make Felix drop his hand and meet his gaze. “The fact that there aren’t people lining up around the block to get into the pants of one of the kindest, hottest, smartest men I have ever met will never make sense to me.”

Felix’s cheeks pinked, and he got that look on his face again—the one that said he was really, really into being complimented. “You’re being nice.”

Dei snorted. “Yeah, but I’m being nice with the truth. I want nothin’ more than to pin you to this couch and make you come so hard you see god. And I mean to have my way with you someday. I just…”

“Need to take this at your pace,” Felix said so softly it was almost a whisper. He laid his palm on top of Dei’s and held it there, warm and calloused but soft. “I can give you that, Dei. I promise.”

Dei felt like his chest was burning from the inside out. “I meant what I said, though, darlin’. You’re worth the wait, but I don’t want you wasting—”

“Okay, no,” Felix said sharply. “If I’m worth waiting for, shouldn’t you be too?”

Dei swallowed against a throat tender with emotions he hadn’t felt in a long, long while. “Don’t be using logic on me now, sugar.”

Felix grinned at him and shrugged. “Fair’s fair.” He moved his hand, but he didn’t back away. “Are you, uh…are you going to leave?”

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