Dei stepped closer. “First of all,” he replied, his voice dropping, “I’ve already had you sleepin’ in my arms, so unless that idea bothers you…”
“It doesn’t,” Felix said, a little too quickly. He rubbed the back of his neck, his head starting to hurt with how he was trying to find the right words. “I just don’t want you to think I’m pushing you into something you’re not ready for. And I don’t…I can’t…”
Dei seemed to notice quickly because he reached for Felix and pulled him close. “Breathe, darlin’. You’re my boyfriend for the week, right? So what’s the harm in sharing some space?”
But that was the problem. That was the literal root of Felix’s problem. They were just pretend. At least when there were separate bedrooms, he had a way to retreat from all the ways he wanted to just roll over and let Dei have him.
But there wasn’t another solution unless he wanted to sleep on the tiny couch barely wide enough to hold a toddler or run down to whatever store was nearby and grab an air mattress, which was something his body felt too damn old for these days.
“As long as you don’t mind,” Felix said softly.
Dei tipped up his chin again and held his gaze. “No, sugar. Minding is the last thing I feel.”
12
It took Felix some coaxing to relax, but Dei did everything in his power to put on a happy face. And it wasn’t like he didn’t want to be in bed with Felix. In fact, if his heart had its way, they wouldn’t do anything but make use of the giant mattress that damn near spread wall to wall.
Except he was trying to do this right. For both his sake and Felix’s.
He wanted to make sure that if he decided to take that step, it wasn’t going to leave Felix devastated in the end. He’d rather die than let that man feel another moment of pain.
It felt like a small triumph when Felix finally agreed to unpack, and Dei lounged on the bed with his leg off, giving his stump a break from the socket as he watched Felix carefully arrange his things, then add little yellow and orange Post-its to several items.
“Can I ask what those are for?” Dei said into the silence.
Felix glanced over his shoulder, then down at his hands where he was writing something, and he laughed. “Oh. Uh, they’re not very interesting. I tend to forget routine stuff, like brushing my teeth or taking my meds, so I put notes on everything.” He put his pen down and held up a pill box organizer. “I feel like a ninety-year-old man sometimes.”
Dei just grinned at him. “Hottest ninety-year-old man I’ve ever seen.”
Felix flushed and looked back down at his task. “If any of this clutter annoys you—”
“Darlin’, I work in a restaurant kitchen. This ain’t clutter. Trust me.”
At that, Felix laughed. “Okay, fair. I mean, I’ve never been in a restaurant kitchen. I’m barely in my own kitchen, but I also know what it’s like to share a supply room with a bunch of dudes.”
Dei chuckled, stretching his arm above his head before he sat up and swung his leg off the side of the mattress. They had no obligations for the rest of that day, so what he really wanted to do was cook them a nice meal, then maybe spend the evening soaking in the pool.
But it meant a trip to the store, which Dei thought might be a good way to get a little space and clear his head. “Hand me my lube right there, sugar.” He looked up when Felix made a choking noise, and he realized what he said. “Aww, hell, not that kind of—I meant—it’s for my socket. That little bottle right next to your elbow.”
Felix slapped a hand over his face as he groped for the bottle. “Right. I…yeah. I knew that.”
Dei was helplessly charmed every time Felix got embarrassed and stumbled over his words. His heart throbbed in his chest, and he wished he had his leg on so he could walk over there, pin Felix to the wall, and kiss him senseless.
So maybe it was a good thing he was stuck on the bed.
His breath caught in his throat a little as Felix finally walked over, and their fingers brushed as Dei took the bottle from him, catching his gaze as he did. “Thank you.”
Felix swallowed heavily. “Anytime.”
The moment hung in the air between them, offering a chance to relieve their tension, but Dei forced himself to hold back, and eventually, Felix returned to his task as Dei poured a generous dollop of the cream into his palm and slathered it over the end of his leg. He coated his socket, then stood and braced himself against the wall as he slipped his stump inside. He could feel Felix’s gaze on him, but he didn’t look up as he adjusted the vacuum compression.
“Are you getting ready for something?” Felix asked after a long beat of silence.
Dei shuffled back over to the bed to retrieve his shoe. He’d become an expert at tying laces one-handed, though there were days he wished he could be nine again and have those bad-ass, double Velcro Reeboks he’d loved in fourth grade.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Dei’s gaze snapped up. “Not at all, darlin’. Just shakin’ off this jet lag, so I thought I’d head to the store and get us something for dinner.”