Page 46 of Cover Up

Especially not his family.

“I can’t—I’m…” he tried.

Dei walked him backward until he hit the counter in front of the sink, and the pressure from both the front and back was enough for him to crack. He felt enveloped and safe, and suddenly, his face was all hot and wet from the tears. He wanted to lift his hands and wipe them away, but he couldn’t seem to unlock them from where they were curled in Dei’s shirt.

“Sorry,” he managed to get out. “Sorry, sorry, sorry…”

“Don’t you dare,” Dei whispered roughly.

Felix didn’t fall apart like he was afraid he might do. He didn’t start wailing or screaming. He just let himself feel the burning loss deep in his belly, softened by the fact that he wasn’t alone. And not just because Dei was there, but because he had a home to go back to—a family to welcome him. He knew the day he got into the truck with Paris that he wasn’t going to see his grandmother again.

That part of his life wasn’t just over—it was dead and buried. He was no longer the man he’d been when he left LA. And he knew that was all his grandmother had ever wanted for him, so it softened the guilt of missing her last moments and not being able to tell her one more time how much he loved her.

“Tell me your best memory of her,” Dei said once Felix had caught his breath.

He turned his face to the side and rested his cheek against the steady beat of Dei’s heart. “That’s not easy. She was so great. She used to make me mint tea whenever my anxiety gave me a stomachache. And whenever my mom was being really awful, she’d take me to the toy store and let me get Play-Doh.”

“Play-Doh?” Dei asked, a smile in his voice.

Felix laughed. “Yeah. I wasn’t allowed to have art supplies as a kid, but when I was little—like eight, I think—I really wanted to be a sculptor.”

Dei eased Felix back and looked down at him. “Did you ever try it?”

“Once. I sucked at it,” Felix said with a laugh. “But I found what I was best at, and I don’t have regrets.”

“She sounds like she made life bearable,” Dei said after a beat.

Felix’s heart thumped hard. “Yeah. Uh…I mean, she wasn’t perfect, but in the worst moments, she was there. She took me shopping for my first date with a guy.”

Dei raised a brow. “Oh yeah? Who was he?” There was a note of warning in his tone, and Felix knew jealousy was an ugly trait, but for some reason, he kind of liked it on Dei.

“A co-worker. I was working at Domino’s, and we were always flirting, but it took me like a year to work up the courage to ask if he was actually queer. I was having a self-esteem breakdown two days before we went out, so she dragged me to the mall and made me try on jeans until we found the ones that made my ass look good.”

Dei dragged a look up and down Felix’s body. “Can’t imagine you’d look bad in anything, sugar.”

Felix’s cheeks burned. “Trust me, there are things I can’t pull off. Chaz liked the jeans, though. The date was a total disaster, and he literally quit four days later because of it, but at least it wasn’t because of the jeans.”

Dei made a soft choking noise. “He quit? What the fuck?”

“He was a little dramatic,” Felix said, then wiped the back of his hand under his nose and sniffed. “She took me out for tacos and fried ice cream once I was done crying enough to eat something.”

Dei’s face softened, and he reached up again, cupping Felix’s cheek and swiping the last of his tears away with his giant, calloused thumb. “I’m sorry you have to miss her this way.”

Felix shrugged. “That’s just life. I knew she wasn’t going to be around much longer when I left. I think I’m kind of glad she didn’t see the worst of my recovery from all this.”

Dei looked like he wanted to say something else, but instead, he pulled his hand away and shoved it into his pocket. “Might wanna go get dressed so we’re not late, darlin’. I don’t mind making an entrance, but I think that might be your worst nightmare.”

Felix shuddered and nodded. “Give me ten.”

He hurried into the bedroom, and when the door shut, the silence was almost overwhelming. He damn near called Dei back into the room just to keep him company, but his phone started to buzz on the nightstand, and he rushed over, snapping it up.

He almost started crying when he saw Max’s name on the screen and fumbled before managing to swipe his thumb across. “Hey.”

“What’s wrong?” Max immediately demanded.

Felix laughed, dropping to the edge of the bed and hooking his foot around the edge of his open suitcase. He dragged it close and pulled out his wrinkled long-sleeved shirt and slacks. “I mean, apart from going to a funeral?”

“Is Dei being a dick?”

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