Page 47 of Cover Up

Felix rubbed at his left eye, which started to twitch. He found himself wishing he could remember Max’s face. It would have been a small comfort, though his voice was enough. “Has he ever been a dick?”

“I…well. No. I guess not. But I know today’s gonna suck, and that fucker better be sensitive about it.”

Felix managed a smile as he peeled off his T-shirt and tossed it on the pile of his clean clothes. “He’s probably being a lot nicer than I deserve.” Standing up, he attempted to step into his slacks with one hand, and when he almost brained himself on the nightstand, he pinched his phone between his ear and shoulder. “God, how the fuck does Dei do this every day without his other arm?”

Max laughed. “Bro, he spent a long fucking time in rehab. They teach you that shit.”

“Right,” Felix said, feeling a little bit like a moron. “Right. Yeah, I knew that.”

He’d done the same thing. Sort of. But at the time, he couldn’t afford to stay longer than two weeks, and his parents refused to cover the cost. He’d been able to get an additional six outpatient sessions, but the rest had been all him.

He wondered if things would have been different if someone had actually given a shit.

“Felix. Seriously. Are you okay? You know you don’t need to do this, right? You can just come home if it’s too much.”

Slipping his arms into the sleeves of his shirt, he walked into the bathroom while he buttoned it. “I know. But I didn’t even say goodbye to her when I left. I think I need this for me.”

“She knew the shit you were going through.”

“Yeah, and she knew I loved her,” Felix said. “But I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t at least say goodbye.” He didn’t tell Max the rest—how he wanted to prove to himself that he could stand up to his family no matter what they threw at him. That he needed to prove to himself that he was stronger than they ever gave him credit for.

He grabbed his pills and swallowed them down with the water from the sink, then replaced his Post-it note with a new reminder. “Did you call to second-guess me, or…”

“Shit. No,” Max said, sounding immediately sorry. “I just really fucking miss you, and I think I’m a little scared that something will change and you won’t want to come home.”

Any irritation Felix had left in his chest disappeared at Max’s confession. He knew how hard that must have been for his friend. Max and Paris had grown up even more unloved than he’d been, and it had taken them years to find a way to trust that the people around them actually gave a shit.

“I miss you too. But there’s nothing on the planet that would make me want to stay. I hate it here.”

Max was quiet for a moment, and then he sighed. “Yeah, I get that. I miss it sometimes…more than sometimes. But the longer we’re here, the more this feels right.”

Felix understood that in more ways than he wanted to think about. And maybe it wouldn’t have been as profound before he knew how Dei felt, but now that he did, it was different. “I’ll probably cut the trip short, if I’m being honest. There’s not a lot to see around here.”

“Take your boy to Bonsai,” Max told him. “Go say hi to the guys. Take him to the beach. Bring him somewhere they know how to actually wrap a burrito.”

Felix choked on a laugh as he wet his hands and attempted to order his hair. Max’s biggest and loudest complaint was the lack of decent Mexican food since moving to the East Coast. Two weeks before the trip, Max had pitched a fit when he ordered takeout and the burrito had been both over-stuffed and gently folded instead of wrapped tight.

“You know he’s not exactly a homebody, right? And he’s a professional chef. I’m sure he’s had better food than I could ever dream of.”

“Yeah, but something tells me he’ll appreciate it.”

Felix couldn’t argue with him. He was pretty sure that would make Dei’s entire week, and it seemed like the least Felix could do after dragging him into this. And, selfishly, he thought it might be a good test to see how he felt about Dei when his grandmother’s funeral wasn’t hovering over him like a dark cloud.

“Listen, I gotta go,” Max said a second later. “My client just walked in, but if you need me…”

“I’ll call,” Felix finished for him, though there was very little on Earth that would get him to bother his friend during his workday. Whatever happened, he could deal with it. That was the point of the trip, after all. He was goddamn ready to show both himself and his family that he didn’t need them to survive.

And he never had.

14

Dei wasn’t sure what to expect when they got to the church, but it didn’t look a whole lot different to the little churches he’d grown up around in the small town of his childhood. The parking lot was halfway full, and there was a strange mood in the air when Dei got out of the car and waited as Felix leaned against the passenger door, breathing slowly.

Dei gave him a moment to himself, then stepped into his space. “Alright, sugar. You gotta tell me how you’re doing cuz you look like you’re fixin’ to bolt.”

Felix blinked slowly, his cheeks a little pale, but his eyes were clear and his expression calm. “I actually think I’m okay. I just wish I could hold your hand.”

Dei all but flung his cane back into the car and offered his arm. “Wish granted.”

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