Page 1 of Leave Me Broken

1

Ash

As a volleyball player, I never found the appeal of women’s uniforms. In fact, I was always annoyed with how much more attention women’s volleyball got over men’s just because of what they wear. Now I get it. Fuck. I wish I didn’t get it, but I do. All because of her. Payson Ray Murphy. She changed my life three months ago—even if she thinks it has only been two. From the first moment I saw her highlight reel, I knew we were destined to be together.

It’s not normal—my obsession for her. I know this. Luca tells me the same, as do my parents. They are more gracious with their “she’s young, Ashley, give her time to grow.” Luca just tells me I’m smothering her. Payson likes me being around as much as I like being around her, even now when she’s pretending to hate me. Her shoulders relax anytime she walks into the gym and sees me there. She hates the relief she feels, but I couldn’t be happier about it.

Payson has abandonment issues; it doesn’t take a professional to tell me my little Jailbird is fucked up, but I enjoy how her jagged pieces fit my own. As long as she stops cutting her perfect skin, there will be no issues between us.

She will eventually let me explain why I lied. I don’t believe I lied, just . . . extended the truth, but Luca tells me I did. He is like the voice of reason, knowing why I feel the way I do but also understanding why Payson feels the way she does. It’s wildly jarring.

I’m giving her time, but it’s excruciating when she looks so fucking pretty all the goddamn time.

Payson’s beauty is undeniable, and it makes it hard to believe she’s never had a boyfriend before me, or at least dated around. She’s lucky she didn’t.

Her looks are not what drew me to her all those months back, not the only thing. First, it was her talent in the sport, then it was watching her and the team interact with one another. It was obvious they loved her just as much.

Then there were the photos. I had gone on a deep dive looking for more images of Payson when the reels Amanda sent weren’t enough to satisfy what I now know had been an obsession growing inside me. I had stumbled across a few different photos of Payson on the high school sports page; there was one photo in particular that caught my eye. It was during warm-ups before a game and Payson wasn’t even the main focus. She was in the background and I was drawn to her. Her attention was directed off camera, a deep frown weighing down her face and not just the resting kind, she was genuinely frowning toward the audience.

There were three more photos where I saw the real Payson. The girl that hides behind the cheers, smiles, and excitement she shares with the people around her. The girl she is when she thinks no one is looking—I love that girl. I love both, but I love Payson at her worst as well as her best.

She hasn’t said she loves me back yet, but I don’t need to hear the words when I feel it every time we are together, every time her pale green eyes flick my way—even when she’s trying to look angry. Every time she lets out a small whimper when we touch; even if it’s just a brush of our hands. It’s not normal being so in tune with someone else’s emotions after this short amount of time.

What Payson and I have isn’t normal, but fuck being normal anyway.

“You have that look in your eye, fratello.”

Payson dives for a ball, and I’m mesmerized by the way she arches her back. Volleyball is the sexiest sport, and no one can convince me otherwise.

Payson walks back behind the line and shoots a look our way but is quick to advert her attention to Janelle. When Janelle’s gaze swings our way and her mouth moves, I know they are talking about us.

Unlike Payson, the only thing hiding in Janelle’s eyes is trouble, but she is the Ying to Payson’s Yang. She is who keeps Payson grounded. The relief Payson feels for me is much the same for Janelle, based on the fondness in her eyes when she is near her. I’m not sure if I should be able to feel her emotions so clearly, but I can. Her eyes are expressive like nothing I’ve ever seen before, but it’s more than that. It’s like we were made from the same stone. Broken apart but still connected in spirit, able to feel everything the other does.

“Do you think she will forgive you soon?”

The murderous glare Payson shoots our way before she runs over for the team huddle tells me no. “Yes.” I glance at Luca for the first time. “I’m not going to give her a choice.”

He shakes his head with a wide grin on his face and slaps me on the back. “I feel sorry for you.”

“Why?”

He backs away, still facing me, and with the flick of his thumb over his shoulder, I find Payson again—on her knees. Dammit. I shift my stance, hoping to hide the fact my blood is now rushing south.

Luca laughs loudly, grabbing the attention of various bystanders. “I do not think she is as submissive as she appears.” Then he saunters back to join our team with the mischievous smile he’s always wearing. Not much different to the one Janelle often has plastered on her face. If she wasn’t our player, I might suggest they would make a good couple, but she is and one coach-player situation is enough for one team.

“Be a little more obvious. Maybe you’ll start drooling soon.”

It takes everything inside me not to growl at that annoying tone. “Why are you not with the team, Ms. Burton?”

Alyssa shifts closer, grabbing my arm. “Aren’t we a little past the whole last name bullshit?”

“Get off,” I demand. Payson is already struggling to trust me and has it in her mind Alyssa and I are doing the same thing her and I are. I can’t say I would behave rationally if Payson had a guy hanging on her all the time, but Alyssa is nothing more than a clingy mistake that won’t let go. She wasn’t the first but I’ll be damned if she’s not the last.

“I wanted to talk to you about your little Jailbird.”

My eyes flick down and I scowl with the use of my nickname for her. “Don’t fucking call her that.”

She rolls her eyes, and unlike when Payson does it, I’m not tempted to take her over my knee. It just really jars me. “Fine. Whatever.” Her arm slips from mine. “All I wanted to say was I heard her and Janelle talking in the locker room, saying her grandpa couldn’t make it tonight. Thought you should know.”

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