Page 1 of Heal For Me

1

Ash

“Are you ready, darling?” Mum pokes her head into my room.

I stare out the window at the winter-gray skies. My stomach is in knots, and the last place I want to be today is a funeral, but I know she would want me there. I can’t let her down . . . again.

“Yes.” My voice cracks and Mum steps in, closing the door behind her and stops once she is by my side. She wraps her soft hand around mine and squeezes, like she’s done my entire life. It doesn’t matter that my hand is nearly twice the size of hers; I’ll always be four years old to her. “It doesn’t feel real.”

“Sometimes, the people you just met make the biggest impacts.”

Isn’t that the truth. If moving to Bayshore has taught me anything, it’s that someone doesn’t need to be in your life for long to make years-long impact.

She squeezes me one more time before flipping her wrist to check her gold watch. “It’s quarter-to. We better get going.”

I peel my eyes from the snow-covered trees and pull my phone from my pocket. I’ve since changed the inappropriate photo of Payson’s underage body to one of me kissing her cheek. It’s sweet, and her smile is huge, something you don’t see a lot from her. A familiar sadness shines in her eyes, one I’m not sure will ever go away, especially now.

“Have you spoke with Henry?’

“Yes, everything is fine, Ashley. He promised he would text or call if anything happened.”

I sigh, not wanting to think too hard on what I’m trusting him with as we head for the door.

I pull into the church parking lot but don’t get out. The weight of Mum’s stare burns my face, but I can’t find the motivation to move from my seat. It doesn’t feel right saying goodbye to Paul without Payson. She should be here. Her granddad was her favorite person and she will miss his funeral because she couldn’t stand the thought of living someplace where he didn’t.

“It’s going to be okay, Ashley.” My mother’s voice is something I will always find comforting. I’m beyond thankful she flew in for this. The rest of my family will be here at the end of this week for Thanksgiving, but Mum and Henry came early to be here for me; they got in late last night. I wish Dad would have come instead of my brother, though. I love my brother, but I’d much rather Dad be sitting up with Payson than my baby brother. I don’t trust him to water plants for me, let alone look after my girl. He’s not responsible for her, that’s what the doctors and nurses are for, but I’d feel better about being apart if Henry wasn’t such a wanker.

“I just can’t believe she’s not here. It’s going to crush her when she wakes, Mum.”

Mum taps my hand gently. “I know. That is why you will be there for her.”

My eyes burn, but I’m not sure if it’s knowing what I’m about to walk in to, or that I will have to relive this moment when Payson wakes up. The devastation will fill every part of her when she realizes she missed her granddad’s funeral because of a choice she made.

Mum and I are sitting in the back of the church. Luckily, we were a tad early, because the place is full and we wouldn’t have been able to get a seat if we had been any later. The church is nearly bursting at the seams with people. I know Paul is smiling down, knowing all these people are here to remember him and pay their respects to his family. Payson’s aunt starts the service, and someone silently slips into the seat next to me. I’m a big guy and may have been taking up as much room as I could so no one would sit there, but Jethro doesn’t care. This guy is such a—church, Ashley, remember?

“Nice of you to show up,” I mutter just loud enough for him to hear—and apparently, my mum too because she nudges me.

Jethro narrows his eyes at me, then leans forward to see my mum. I think he’s trying to smile, but it looks more like a grimace. Either way, my mum smiles at him and takes his extended hand.

“Jethro, Payson’s Uncle.”

Hardly.

“Beverly, Ashley’s mum.”

He dips his head and drops her hand. “Nice to meet you. Wish it was under better circumstances.”

The funeral goes by brilliantly—for a funeral, I suppose. There wasn’t a dry eye in the audience the entire time. Even saw Jethro shifting in his seat at the especially heart-wrenching parts. I didn’t cry, but there was a burn there. Partly for Paul, but also for Payson’s aunt crying in the front row. Losing your sister and father within a short time would be so hard. Too hard for the average person, and Payson is not an average person. She refers to herself as a robot often, but I think she is the opposite. She’s so empathetic, and I worry about her well being once she allows herself to feel everything.

Like Mum said, though, I will be there for her. No matter what.

The time comes for everyone to say goodbye, and because we are in the last row, we are the last to get in line.

“Paul went all out,” I comment, standing in front of the champagne-colored casket with gold accents.

“It’s beautiful.” Mum sniffles. Seeing everyone else crying had her choked up the entire service, even though she never met Paul. Especially when Payson’s aunt sang “Amazing Grace.” She’s an amazing singer. It makes me wonder if Payson can sing. That’s hereditary, right?

“Paul always was a humble man, but it doesn’t surprise me,” Jethro says. “He would want the best to meet God—or whatever.”

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