Page 43 of Heal For Me

“He’s yours, babygirl. Are you surprised?”

I shoot a duh look up to him. “Surprised?” I wipe away the stray tears that have fallen. “I’ve never been more surprised in my life. What’s his name?”

Ash’s mouth falls open, but he’s not the one that answers. “His name is Todd, how cute!” Janelle squeals.

I hold Todd’s face, he licks my nose, and I giggle. “I love him so much.”

Ash once again settles behind me and then pets our new dog.

“I can’t believe you got me a dog.”

“Me either,” Uncle Jet growls.

I can’t help giggling into my hand. looks to be an older pup, so at least he should be potty trained.

“You said you always wanted a dog.” He kisses my temple. “You deserve to have everything you ever wanted.”

I couldn’t love him more if I tried.

“He’s a service dog.” Janelle falls onto the ground next to me, to get her turn to pet Todd’s belly when he turns over for her. “Like an emotional support dog, so he is trained and can go in places where most dogs aren’t allowed.”

“What’s he trained to do?”

She shrugs. “Comfort, I guess.”

He’s already doing that. I’ve watched so many shows and movies where they have dogs and I’ve been jealous every time, and now I have a dog. I have my very own dog. I cannot believe I’m so lucky.

“He’s also trained to help with panic attacks,” Ash mutters, only for me to hear. “I already checked with Blue Gate and sent in his paperwork, he is allowed to go with you.”

Ever since Blue Gate was mentioned a couple weeks ago, we’ve tried to not talk about it. We agreed after the holidays I would go, and that was it. It took some convincing, but after my last panic attack over my grandpa, I know it’s what I need. I don’t know what it will be like, or what they will have me do, or do to me, but Uncle Jet, Ash, and Janelle all say it is a nice place. I have the option to leave whenever I want, so it’s not like I’m stuck there, and that’s nice to know, I guess.

The other big change isn’t so nice. I glance over at the luggage near the front door but still out of the way, and swallow hard. Ash must follow my eyes because his grip tightens, and his breathing stutters.

“I’m simply a phone call away.”

I nod, knowing if I open my mouth, I’ll cry.

“One single flight and I can be here, okay? Ready to pick you and Todd up.”

I nod again and he kisses the side of my head, hard.

“You and me until the end of time, remember? We will get our forever, babygirl. Just a bit down the road.”

I know he’s right, and I know I need this. We need this. Ash hasn’t gotten any better, in fact he’s lost even more weight. Even Parker pulled me aside last week to demand to know what is going on with his dad. That’s when I finally accepted everything. Ash isn’t just my fiancé, he’s a dad, a brother, a friend and a son. But even if he wasn’t all of those things, he’s still the love of my life and I’m hurting him. Even if it’s unintentional, which of course it is, the effects are still visible. I know going to Blue Gate and him moving to England are the best options, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

I wish it was easy for us, but I’ve not lost hope that one day it might be. It’s just not today.

20

Payson

“Are you all packed?”

“You’re like a ninja.” I turn from the window to greet Uncle Jet leaning against my doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. “But, yes. Nearly. Just need to grab my toothbrush and straightener in the morning.”

He kicks off and heads inside the room. “How are you feeling about everything?”

“Honestly?”

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