Page 54 of Heal For Me

Taking a deep breath, I reach inside and pull out the first thing I feel.

It’s a note.

I unfold it and begin reading.

My dearest Payson,

The moment you quite literally stumbled into my life, you flipped it upside down. What I expected to be a lustful obsession, turned out to be so much more.

There is not a moment of our time together that I regret, and I hope you can say the same. Although half my age, there are many things you have taught me. One of them being patience.

Which I know will come in handy during our time apart. Don’t worry about me or anything back home. I just want you to heal.

But once you do, babygirl, you are to never walk away from me again.

Letters are a bit outdated, but I wrote this in hopes you can read it whenever you are missing me. Just know when you are missing me, I am missing you so much more. Give Todd extra cuddles for me and show him my picture often so he doesn’t forget his dad.

You are my entire world, babygirl, and one day we will get our happy ending. It’s not today, or tomorrow, but one day this will all be in the past. We will wake up together, eat breakfast together, just simply be together like we both so desperately deserve.

Look at your ring, that is a promise—my promise to you. I promise you forever, babygirl. Promise me the same.

All my love forever, Ash.

Don’t give up on us, baby, We are just getting started.

My heart booms in my ears. With a shaky hand, I reach into the bag and pull out a small box. I attempt to swallow the lump in my throat, but it’s impossible.

There’s a large black jewelry box. It can’t be a ring, I’ve already gotten that. I open it and tears spring to my eyes.

Inside in the most beautiful bracelet I’ve ever seen. It’s gold, like my rings, and several charms fill the chain. Some reminding me of Ash, others of Janelle and everyone else I love, but it’s the small cross and what I recognize as one of Grandpa’s cuff links made into a charm that makes my throat tighten to an uncomfortable degree.

I recognize this one because it’s the same one he wore to my nana’s funeral. How does Ash know that?

I pull it out and hold it into the light. My eye snags on something behind the foam, and I pull out the small card. Confused, I open it.

Ray-Ray,

A sob rips through me seeing my grandpa’s very familiar scratchy writing staring back at me. It takes a long time before my vision is clear enough for me to read the card.

Ray-Ray,

Look for me in the sun, in the wind and rain, because I am there. You might not be able to see me anymore, but I am always there.

The moment you were born, you brought so much love and joy into the world. Over the years, your joy dwindled, but I never lost hope that you would one day find it again.

Recently, I’ve seen glimpses of it. I have my theories, but they are simply theories. Whatever the reason for it, I hope you hold onto that.

Life is too short to not be happy. Whatever decisions you make in life, do them to be happy.

My only wish for you is to find even a small part of that little girl with bright eyes and who wasn’t afraid of love.

Don’t be afraid, Payson. Love is God’s best gift.

Love hard, be happy, and thrive, sweetheart. I know loss hurts, but forget the hurt and remember the love.

Look for me in the sun. I’m there, Ray-Ray.

Grandpa

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