Page 58 of Heal For Me

“That makes no sense. Alyssa loves attention.”

They all shrug. “We know.”

“Maybe this is how she’s getting her attention now. Making everyone wonder where she is, like she’s mysterious now and not in your face.” Leave it to Alyssa to find new ways to still be the center of attention. Still the talk of the town without being in the town. Typical. Whatever, if she’s not in Bayshore, it means she will be far away from Ash when he comes back, so she can stay wherever the hell she is for all I care.

“Hopefully she stays away,” Janelle grumbles. I giggle to myself.

Great minds and all that.

It’s not until the sun rises that I realize we’ve been awake all night. After dinner, we headed to the theater and watched whatever movie they were playing. Truthfully, I can’t even tell you what it was because we were too busy whispering in the back. Something with Tom Cruise, I think. Then Monica got the bright idea to take a midnight swim, which you are allowed to do. I didn’t think the pool was open, but it turns out there is a lifeguard there at all hours. According to the lifeguard, Mr. Ludgate thinks it’s important to give the patients the freedom they have at home but still instill the safety precautions, such as a lifeguard on duty. We’ve been sitting in chairs next to the pool since we got out, letting Todd dry before we head to my room. The lifeguard switched at some point because the one walking up to us now isn’t the one from last night. Last night’s was a young, blond, boy-next-door type. This guy, however, is not. Tall, dark, and like he was molded from God Himself. Wow.

I think each of us notices him at the same time because the chatting abruptly stops. Unless my ears are tuning it out, but when I take a quick look at my friends, I notice they are all wearing similar expressions to mine.

He stops a few feet from us and places his hands on his hips. “Morning swim, ladies?”

Crickets.

That’s what answers him because it’s definitely not us. I finally snap my mouth shut, but it’s dry.

Mika squeaks a weird laugh, but Janelle is the one to speak. It’s not an answer she gives him though.

“Holy cannoli. Are you single?”

I don’t know how old the guy is, old enough to laugh at her comment and not seem affected by it. Thankfully.

“I’m not, but my husband will be very flattered.”

Ahh. Makes sense why he looks so well groomed. Not my type, I prefer a little ruggedness, like Ash, but this man looks like melted chocolate was poured into the perfect man mold, and here he is. I’ve definitely never seen him before, but I don’t go swimming at what I assume is five a.m. often either.

We let out a collective sigh which makes his deep chuckle turn into a full-on belly laugh. “You have made my day and it’s not even six a.m.”

“Glad I could be of service.” Janelle does a little curtsy. If I could have one thing from Janelle, it would be her confidence.

The guy tells us to have a good day, then saunters away the way he came and takes his seat in the lifeguards chair.

She watches him walk the entire way, and puffs her lips out. “Why are all the good ones gay?”

I snort an ugly laugh. “Let’s get breakfast.”

Monica and Mika were feeling dead after breakfast, so we split off and they headed for my room, then Janelle and I went to check my mail. I’m due for a new letter and am getting anxious for it. We’ve kept up with the letter writing since I decided to put my phone away and live in the moment. We still call a few times a week using my room phone. It’s a lot easier now that Abby went home. I don’t have to worry about waking her up when Ash accidentally calls me at four a.m., not remembering the time difference, simply because he wants to hear my voice.

There’s this small voice in the back of my head constantly making me worry that one day a letter won’t be there. That when I go home, Ash will demand I give him the ring back or worse, it’ll be like the reoccurring dream I keep having where he doesn’t even know who I am.

I shiver at the thought. I don’t know how, but that’s way worse than him rejecting me. Both would suck, and probably kill me—for real this time, but if he didn’t know me, then . . . then I made everything up and I really would be crazy.

“Here you go, Payson.” Freddie drops my mail onto the counter the moment we step into the small mail room.

“Thanks, Freddie.” I smile and pick up my stack. There are a few letters this time, and it looks like there are two from Ash. My heart skips a beat just like every time I get a new letter. That small voice will be quiet for a little while now.

I can’t get the first letter open quick enough. I shout a goodbye without looking up. He tells us to have a good day, and Janelle replies for us so I can start reading.

Jailbird,

No one could be happier for you that you are finally feeling human than me, but fuck, I bloody miss you. I think about you as soon as I open my eyes and before they close at night. I’m busy during the day and you still pop in. I see you in everything.

I think it’s time for another visit. We will have to kick Janelle out for the weekend, but I have to see you. Hold you in my arms because I’m beginning to wonder if you were real. I stare at your photos more than I’ll ever admit. You’ve turned me into a proper sap. Henry says I’m whipped, and I think he might be right.

You’ll have to find a new nickname for me because I don’t think Ash-hole fits when all I want to do in kneel at your feet and kiss the fucking ground you walk on.

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