Page 82 of Heal For Me

She keeps looking around at the people walking by, and knowing we are a tube ride from our hotel, I know I can’t wait that long to talk. I crowd into her space, blocking anyone from seeing her.

She lets out a thankful sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“What did I say, Jailbird?”

“Sor—I mean, okay.”

I cup the side of her face. “Tell me what’s making you cry.”

“I miss my grandpa. Every day I pretend like he’s back in Bayshore since I haven’t been there to believe any different, but the only person I want to call right now is him, and he . . .”

“He’d so happy for you, babygirl. I know it.”

“How do you know, though?” The sadness in her voice is fucking destroying me.

“Because no one wanted to see you happy more than him, and I like to believe I make you happy.”

“You do. No one else makes me happier.”

I take her hands in mine and bring them up to kiss each one. “Then he’s happy.”

“I know it’s been months since it happened and you just proposed and I shouldn’t be crying about my grandpa, but all I keep thinking about is how he won’t be there. I never thought about my wedding, but I always thought if the time came, he would be there, no”—she shakes her head—“he would officiate it. That was always the plan but now.” Her lips wobble and she slices her eyes to the side, avoiding me, thankfully because I don’t want her to see how my eyes are watering. “Now, now what? Who is going to marry us? Who is going to walk me down the aisle?

“I have no one, Ash. I know you want a wedding, but your side is going to be full and I’m going to have to look into the audience and see my side empty.”

Fuck. Fuck. I was so focused on her in a dress, I didn’t think about the other stuff. But of course she did, and these are very legit and real worries for her.

“Hey.” I clear my throat and force her eyes to mine. “We don’t need to have a big wedding. Just you and me. If I remember correctly, Colorado doesn’t require an officiate or witness.”

But she’s already shaking her head. “No, your mum would be so disappointed, and I think Janelle would end up crashing anyway.” A sad smile graces her lips.

“My mum would understand, and we won’t tell Janelle.”

She snorts. “She would find out. Besides, I want you to have a wedding and everything that comes with it, you deserve that.”

My selfless little Jailbird. If I could love her anymore than I do, I would. “You breathing is the only thing I deserve. It’s the only thing I need, okay? We don’t need to think about the wedding for a good while. Okay?”

“Okay.” She sucks in a breath and blows it out. Then again. And again.

“That something you learned at therapy?” I know it is, because Dr. Howard told me to do the same bloody thing when I get overwhelmed. Which I will not be doing. It’s nice to see Payson listening to her therapist though.

“Yeah, he was pretty smart.”

“He?” This is the first she’s mentioned his gender.

She giggles, and even though I plan to ask more on him later, it’s such a pleasant sound after seeing her cry.

“He was like, over fifty.”

I level my stare and cock an eyebrow. “You realize how old I am, yes?”

“Yep. Twice my age.”

Fucking hell, when she says it like that, it’s worse. “Do you ever wish our gap wasn’t so big?”

I brace myself for whatever she’s going to say but she doesn’t. Instead, she slips out from under my arms and grabs my hand, dragging me back into the restaurant.

“Are you not going to answer me?”

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